[lilacsnow]

hi, can anyone guide me to helpful spiritual practices or insights for releasing or transforming bitterness?

(edited to reframe my question)

[Thunder Bow]

There is no quick fix for that. Therapy can help over time.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't know what your spiritual / religious leanings are. But, for my money (so to speak) one could not do better than the ancient Tibetan Buddhist Lojong (mind training) teachings. And, for me, there is no better place to learn these than via the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön.

Ani Pema has quite a few books in print. (There are also videos, on YouTube, of talks she has given over the years.) But the book I always recommend to begin with is: Start Where You Are- A Guide to Compassionate Living. However I will say that you can't expect to read through it once & put it away. If you do that, it will just be one more book you happen to have read. You have to read it & re-read it, over-&-over. And also put what Pema teaches into practice in your daily life. If you can do that, over time, the Lojong teachings can transform your life. I wish you well...

[lilacsnow]

thanks for the recommendation Skeezyks - I shall see if I can obtain a copy of the book.

[FindSolidHope]

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

hi, can anyone guide me to helpful spiritual practices or insights for releasing or transforming bitterness?

(edited to reframe my question)

Hi,

This is something I had to overcome a while back, and can gratefully say I was able to. One thing I can share about bitterness is that it often stems from thinking you’ll never regain or replace the joy peace happiness or some form of ability after having lost it due to some action another did, or some incident that happened. There are ways a person can, what I call, “Harvest Fruit from a Fallen Tree” to walk away from whatever you consider a bitter disaster with a sweet destiny.

And, just for starters, to walk away from this post with something that can lift you up now, is:

What is your BEST, non-physical trait or characteristic you TRULY BELIEVE you have?

No matter what you’ve gone through, you have at least one (I’m betting for more! ). One that I can tell you is that you are a valuable asset to this world, put here to make an impact, even if only in the sphere of your neighborhood or home. Because one life you positively impact, is a life changed, and each person you impact for the good is a good impact on the world.

Blessings,
Lukeisha

[wolfgaze]

Would you care to share the nature of the bitterness? (what is it rooted in)....

[Gus1234U]

Skeez~! there is no better advice i can think of~!

[JesusGeek]

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

hi, can anyone guide me to helpful spiritual practices or insights for releasing or transforming bitterness?

(edited to reframe my question)

I am a Christian, and a Bible nerd. I understand this isn't a religion most people like, but I have a good suggestion for bitterness from my personal faith experience that I could generalize for anybody to use regardless of their beliefs. I'll share what I use and what I do personally. In the translation of the Bible called the Amplified Bible, there's a rendition of verse 11:25 from the book of Mark that reads:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.

The interesting thing about that translation to me is that it says let it drop, leave it, let it go.

My way of practicing this (imperfectly, but I struggle it out) is to immediately assign the action to the person's past, after they have done it, and leave it there, and choose to see them as a new person every day. Because many people change and grow day by day. I leave it, let it drop, and let it go.

Hebrews 8:12 in the NIV reads:

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

That's from the point of view of God. I try to imitate it by forgiving. Like choosing to not dwell on what they did and call it to mind.

For the people that stay the same, and aren't sorry, it's a tougher process. That's more related to what are called the fruit of the Spirit in the Bible for me, which includes forbearance (patience, tolerance, self-restraint), and also not judging them for me.

There is also another verse that I use for bitterness, verse 4:26 from the book of Ephesians:

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

That was from the NIV version. The takeaway is not letting the sun go down while you're angry. Like working hard to let it go before you go to bed each night, so it doesn't hang around and add to an ever growing pile of resentments against a person.

Hope this helps.

[lilacsnow]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Would you care to share the nature of the bitterness? (what is it rooted in)....

hi wolfgaze, i don't feel comfortable just at the moment with saying exactly what the situation has been. But as there's been an awareness of that emotion I just thought perhaps others might be able say what's been helpful.

[lilacsnow]

Originally Posted by JesusGeek

I am a Christian, and a Bible nerd. I understand this isn't a religion most people like, but I have a good suggestion for bitterness from my personal faith experience that I could generalize for anybody to use regardless of their beliefs. I'll share what I use and what I do personally. In the translation of the Bible called the Amplified Bible, there's a rendition of verse 11:25 from the book of Mark that reads:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.

The interesting thing about that translation to me is that it says let it drop, leave it, let it go.

My way of practicing this (imperfectly, but I struggle it out) is to immediately assign the action to the person's past, after they have done it, and leave it there, and choose to see them as a new person every day. Because many people change and grow day by day. I leave it, let it drop, and let it go.

Hebrews 8:12 in the NIV reads:

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

That's from the point of view of God. I try to imitate it by forgiving. Like choosing to not dwell on what they did and call it to mind.

For the people that stay the same, and aren't sorry, it's a tougher process. That's more related to what are called the fruit of the Spirit in the Bible for me, which includes forbearance (patience, tolerance, self-restraint), and also not judging them for me.

There is also another verse that I use for bitterness, verse 4:26 from the book of Ephesians:

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

That was from the NIV version. The takeaway is not letting the sun go down while you're angry. Like working hard to let it go before you go to bed each night, so it doesn't hang around and add to an ever growing pile of resentments against a person.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for sharing what helps you JesusGeek - I appreciate what you've said and in particular ....

My way of practicing this (imperfectly, but I struggle it out) is to immediately assign the action to the person's past, after they have done it, and leave it there, and choose to see them as a new person every day. Because many people change and grow day by day. I leave it, let it drop, and let it go.

.......remembering that people can change and grow day by day,over time, and choosing to see them as a new person every day is encouraging and helpful .

That reminds me of God's mercies being new every morning.



'

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

hi wolfgaze, i don't feel comfortable just at the moment with saying exactly what the situation has been. But as there's been an awareness of that emotion I just thought perhaps others might be able say what's been helpful.

Okay, no problem... I wanted to say that what helps facilitate the process of emotional release/purging is when you gradually push yourself to adopt new ways of perceiving the very same circumstances/experiences that previously (with your prior/current manner of perceiving & reacting) served to contribute to the feeling/reaction of 'bitterness'. You begin to come to view the circumstances in a new light - and this will eventually transmute the negative/unwanted/limiting emotional energy that you wish to purge/release. Essentially, in doing this you are re-wiring your mental/emotional response so that you can cease reinforcing the reaction of 'bitterness' and keeping it alive within you.

An excellent book about the process of releasing emotional energy is Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul...

[lilacsnow]

Hi Wolfgaze thanks for your reply and for the book recommendation.... I will look for it online.

[katydid777]

This is a big one for me. I haven't learned to let it go! when I think about things from my past, even recent past, I cant control my feelings of anger, and bitterness. I don't voice anything, or do anything, but I can't stop feeling like that.

[*Laurie*]

Practice Buddhist meditation. (Please understand, btw, that Buddhism is a philosophy, not a religion.)

Originally Posted by lilacsnow

hi, can anyone guide me to helpful spiritual practices or insights for releasing or transforming bitterness?

(edited to reframe my question)

Hi lilacsnow,

Bitterness may take some time to get rid of, but what I want you to know, is that it is possible! If you are not already in therapy, may be it would be a good idea to start such a process and work yourself through it with a skilled therapist.

I have a holistic view on the person. That means that I think that body, mind, soul … hangs together. If you feel bitter, to talk about it can help (therapy), so can trying to change your cognitive style (the way you allow old thoughts from the past influence your present, (therapy)), the way you use your body (exercises (or a special type of therapy)).

Let us look a bit on our body: When we become frightened, we often lift our shoulders as if it could be possible to hide. That doesn’t happen of course. Instead, if the pressure from the outside lasts long enough, we get stiff in shoulders and other body-parts. It is if we have become a prisoner in our own prison. We cannot manage to get out of it by our own. We need a key.

Such a key can be found in Alexander Lowen’s book called the «The way to vibrant health».

Link to Amazon. Hope it works: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Vibrant-H...lexander+lowen

Personally, I have tried to use Lowen’s exercises one time of the day, and Autogenic training on another part of the day. Autogenic training is a deep scientific form of mental training. Science has showed that the body relaxes equally when people are praying, doing autognic exercises or meditation.
Personally I don’t see God as a cow to milk, so I only pray for his support while I do the work to try to better my health.

It’s a pity, but it is the thruth; other people can hurt us and break us down, but even if it is so, we have to do the work of reparation by ourselves. Sorry, but so it is …

I know from science and from own experience that both Lowen’s exercises and Autogenic training helps. But one has to invest time in it if it shall work.
I have to admit that for quite a bit of time, now, I have done neither this nor that. Too many things have happened, the one after the other.

To me it helps to make a schedule for my free time where I make time for these important exercises of mental and physical dimension. I am working on that now and hope to get «things» to work again soon. Depressed people, me included, have little energy and hopelessness is often part of the depression. To do exercises isn’t always the most easiest to do when depressed. Therefore; schedule, schedule, schedule … : «Do this right now, Singer, as if you are at work and your boss is looking your way».

If you think that what I have said make sense, I would have gone into Amazon and tried to read a bit a bout Alexander Lowen, so that you understand the scientific theories behind the exercises.

I will put a link to Autogenic Training here, so that you can train by yourself. The site is catholic, but let not that frighten you if you are one of the many «catholic-dislikers». The method is scientific and has nothing to do with Catholicism at all.

Autogenics -- A self-help training schedule

To sum it up: There are many ways to overcome old troubles that still keep us prisoners of the past. Therapy is the most important and then to try to organize the time you want to use on the techniques you choose for yourself (whatever they are) in addition to the therapy.

Please remember that healing can go two steps forward and one step back on parts of the road to recovery.

Whatever you choose: My very best wishes for you!

[Aviza]

Forgiving the reason you are bitter about. Forgiveness is the fastest way to ease bitterness.

[Artchic528]

Bitterness comes from anger, often created by feeling that you have been wronged in some way.

You don't want to feel hatred and anger, those cloud the mind with malicious thoughts and as a result, it blemishes the aura. To cleanse the aura and mind of these malicious thoughts you must find love and forgiveness in your heart. Maybe not forgiving the actions that you feel were wrong, but the motivations that the person had behind these actions. They too are troubled right now, and need love and guideance as well. Perhaps now more than ever.

Your feelings are valid, remember that, it's what you do with these feelings that will either benefit you or cause you more distress.

I myself journal about my feelings, bitterness and all. I find that it's so cathartic because I'm physically transferring those emotions, the pain and suffering I felt, out of my psyche, my emotional being, and onto paper where I can examine it more fully. Or I can come back to it later and look at it with a fresh perspective once those feelings have since dissipated within me.

[whimsicalman]

I wish I could give a great answer to this. I still hold a lot of bitterness toward someone that I can't seem to shake. I have periods where I think/feel that I have let it go, but then the feelings come back. I am sure that time helps heal, but . . . I am sure there has to be a point at which I have to figure out how to truly and fully forgive and let go, as it seems you would like to do in your own situation. I can only say that I walk with you in the struggle.

[Gus1234U]

there is a practice called Tonglen, or Giving and Recieving; you say these words anytime you think of it, or whenever you are feeling bitterness and resentment:

May I have Peacefulness, and the causes of Peacefulness;
May my friends and family have Peacefulness, and the causes of Peacefulness;
May those people I know and respect have Peacefulness, and the causes of Peacefulness;
May those I know and dislike have Peacefulness, and the causes of Peacefulness;
May those I hate have Peacefulness, and the Causes of Peacefulness;
May those who hate Me have Peacefulness, and the Causes of Peacefulness~!

May I remember this Peace every time I am disturbed.

[Overit2316]

I find that often time bitterness comes from a lack of patience and forgiveness for a situation, myself or someone/something else. When that occurs I begin to self reflect on why do I have a lack of patience or forgiveness for...? Is my pride getting in my way and causing this lack or is it something else?

Originally Posted by JesusGeek

I am a Christian, and a Bible nerd. I understand this isn't a religion most people like, but I have a good suggestion for bitterness from my personal faith experience that I could generalize for anybody to use regardless of their beliefs. I'll share what I use and what I do personally. In the translation of the Bible called the Amplified Bible, there's a rendition of verse 11:25 from the book of Mark that reads:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.

The interesting thing about that translation to me is that it says let it drop, leave it, let it go.

My way of practicing this (imperfectly, but I struggle it out) is to immediately assign the action to the person's past, after they have done it, and leave it there, and choose to see them as a new person every day. Because many people change and grow day by day. I leave it, let it drop, and let it go.

Hebrews 8:12 in the NIV reads:

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

That's from the point of view of God. I try to imitate it by forgiving. Like choosing to not dwell on what they did and call it to mind.

For the people that stay the same, and aren't sorry, it's a tougher process. That's more related to what are called the fruit of the Spirit in the Bible for me, which includes forbearance (patience, tolerance, self-restraint), and also not judging them for me.

There is also another verse that I use for bitterness, verse 4:26 from the book of Ephesians:

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

That was from the NIV version. The takeaway is not letting the sun go down while you're angry. Like working hard to let it go before you go to bed each night, so it doesn't hang around and add to an ever growing pile of resentments against a person.

Hope this helps.

I appreciate and respect your dedication to your faith.

I was very bitter for an entire year over a gut wreching hurtful and nasty breakup. I held onto my bitterness over it, the pain and hurt I experienced and couldn't let it go. It hurt SO badly that someone who claimed to love me SO much, then became the complete opposite and so very hateful towards me, saying extremely, unforgivable vicious and cruel things at the end.

What I've learned from this: It takes time to heal, it takes time to forgive, and it takes time to let go of hurt and pain. The one thing that has burned out the pain of all that for me is finding joy again in my life. Finding happiness and joy again has allowed me to finally let go of the bitterness I carried for a year.

Happiness in your heart and soul makes it easier to let go of pain.... so I encourage you to do whatever makes you happiest, and whatever makes your heart and soul sing like there's no tomorrow. Happiness allows us to forgive wrongdoings. It softens our hearts and makes everything feel better. When we are happy, the world is far brighter.

So, find happiness again and you will see that the bitterness will fade away.

[Fuzzybear]