[richeye]

Hey everybody,

I've come to psychcentral on and off for years now, and now i'm working part-time, finally . I'm 40 years old, and I feel more independent now than i have for a long, long time.

I'll come out and say it: I'm a victim of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse from my father. He is a retired Navy Commander who imposed his will on my siblings and I, yet I was the most effected. He would get violent at times, which is a big reason why my brother and I hit the weight room, so that we could retaliate.

For years, I've been trying to get even with him, to settle the score. But in doing so, I'm stooping to his level in that i try to force my will on him. And I realize now that he meant well and wanted/wants the best for us, but he was/is overly controlling and i can't change this. It hurts. I wish my dad wasn't the man he is.

I don't know if this belongs in a philosophy-of-life thread, but why do people with good intentions commit so much evil? I've been in AA and sober/clean for 12 years, and I hear story after story about how religion and other forms of parental domination were crammed down our throats, yet our parents didn't know better. And all I can do is pick up the pieces of what's left and wonder what i did wrong.

Jesus said in the Gospel of John "..i have overcome the world", but what was a higher power doing creating such a flawed world? As a software engineer, I know all about creating new releases to fix the previous problems, yet a higher power doesn't seem to do so. It's messed up.

All I can is say the set aside prayer: "My Creator: help me set aside everything i think I know about You, everything I think I know about myself, everything i think i know about others, and everything i think i know about my own recovery...and let me have a new experience in all 4".

Maybe i answered my own question, i don't know. But as of 1:44 p.m. est, how can i put trust in something that doesn't seem to be all that trustworthy? I don't know. I just thought i'd tell on myself and vent.

Very Respectfully,
Richie Rich

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't believe in god or life after death or any of that sort of thing. I accept the explanation for the existence of life on earth (including Homo sapiens) that is provided by the theory of evolution. That said, from my perspective, we human beings are simply another variety of animal that happened to evolve on earth, along with millions of other species. And, as such, we're all flawed... some more than others. (The theory of evolution does not require that a species be perfectly adapted to it's environment; only that it be sufficiently well adapted to allow it to reproduce.)

We human beings are mixtures of the effects of genetics & life experiences. We start out not knowing anything about anything. And, over the years, gradually accumulate some knowledge (hopefully) about how things work (including human interactions) as well as habits we pick up from family & others we encounter. Some of this is constructive. Some of it is not. My parents & others I encountered growing up did unto me. And I, in my turn, have... sadly... done unto others. It is unfortunately, at least from my perspective, the way of the world. (Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...)

I like to read about the findings of current research that is being done into the workings of the human brain. And one thing I've picked up is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. We're a lot less in conscious control, more on autopilot so to speak, than we realize. It's not a choice we have. It's simply the way our species has evolved.

One thing that I think is imbued upon most of us over the years is the idea we ought to try to be at least marginally respective of one another if not actively kind & helpful. So as a result most of us have, or at least imagine we have, "good intentions". But when you throw our genetics & all of our life experiences into the mix, (including all of that non-conscious stuff that's more a part of us than we realize) what starts out as good intentions can & sometimes does end up doing as much or more harm than good. Thus the road to hell too often is paved with good intentions... in my opinion...

[richeye]

Well put! I believe there is something behind evolution that is evolving with it. That's my spiritual outlet. True, those without sin can cast the first rock. It just sucks sometimes
.

[Thunder Bow]

Religion is also all about control and social order. So it does fit with your history.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by richeye

For years, I've been trying to get even with him, to settle the score. But in doing so, I'm stooping to his level in that i try to force my will on him. And I realize now that he meant well and wanted/wants the best for us, but he was/is overly controlling and i can't change this. It hurts. I wish my dad wasn't the man he is.

Here's my verbatim reaction after reading this paragraph: "Wow. Well done. Sound like a guy who has worked the hell out of the steps actually."

Next paragraph you led me to believe I nailed it. Well done, my friend that I haven't met yet.

[yogurtssss]

people try to do something good but in a bad way

they think it's the only way

maybe

[Quarter life]

Maintenance & damage control is often a messy business...and sometimes we steer wrong. Navigating life is hard...especially since there is no clear map.

[Gus1234U]

i love to talk about philosophical questions in little stories.
there was this carnival that came to a little town, and set up, among its attractions, a 'tent of mirrors'. a little dog followed its owner into the tent, and upon seeing all those other dogs, large and small, , fat and thin, ugly and beautiful, it growled at them. they all growled back, and the little dog ran out of the tent in terror.

the moral of this story is: life seems to be the way we imagine it to be.
actually, the greatest spiritualists in history are all about teaching us that life is what WE (I, Me, Myself) make it. so if we judge history by our emotional responses to it, are we judging life, or ourself ? i believe that when we judge, all we judge is ourself. the key to having a successful life, lies in learning to be calm, kind, and trusting (whatever those words might mean) that all that really matters is how WE choose to feel, think and behave.

perhaps i've explained myself in words that are difficult to understand. maybe not. maybe you can agree in whole or part, maybe not. what the world and others in it appear to be doing is none of my business; my business is what I'M doing~

[AbsurdBlackBear]

I am a religious person, a philosophical person, and someone who loves science so I don't have any problems with creation or evolution and don't really see the ideas as opposing. As far as why the world is messed up, from a Christian perspective, there are two aspects of it.

First is the belief that there is freedom in the world because love can only be true in freedom, not out of coercion, and so we have freedom because both God loves Creation and so that we will have the freedom to choose to love others or not.

Second from a Christian perspective is the belief that the world is ontologically broken because humanity uses its freedom to become what it isn't suppose to be. Instead of being in unity with God and each other, people often instead focus on the self or makes other things into the ultimate concern of their lives. From a Christian perspective this isn't just a change in behavior, but a change in our very nature and the nature of reality. Sin is more than just breaking laws or rules from a Christian perspective, it is a corruption of our nature. The reason for the Incarnation in Christian theology is because it is about God pulling reality back to unity with God and destroying death so that everything can return to its ontological fullness. And all these things are seen not in a temporal perspective, but beyond temporal/spatial so the idea of computer software updates isn't really compatible from a Christian perspective of God and the world and the panentheistic outlook of Orthodox Christianity. It would fit closer to deism and God as a monotheistic Zeus like God that you often find in Fundamentalism.

For some philosophers who have this kind of perspective you can look into Plato, Zeno of Citium, Philo of Alexandria, and Gabriel Marcel are a few thinkers from this kind of perspective, two Ancient Greek philosophers, one Jewish philosopher, and one Agnostic turned Catholic Philosopher.

With that stuff aside. I think trying to force our wills on others is always the worst thing to do. Domination often only leads to more chaos and both from experience and my beliefs, domination just always seems to corrupt people ultimately. I think the best thing you can do is show compassion towards your father, but if he doesn't respond to it you have to just walk away from it because it isn't worth you losing yourself and losing more mental health over trying to battle him.

[lovelytony22]

Religion is a man made thing.It controls the lives of many.Millions have fallen into dogma and they really need a breakthrough.Honestly,the greatest thing about human nature is "LOVE." If you love your father,friend or anyone, you wouldn't hurt any of them.However,God has given us the free will to choose between good and evil and these two have their own consequences. God will never let the wicked go unpunished.People will hurt you,do good to them any way.First,their conscience will judge them rightly before they face the appropriate punishment.Finally you must be forgiving if your trespasser becomes remorseful. This is the power of love.

Because good intentions never look thoroughly at the truth

[mote.of.soul]

I think because sometimes what people think might be good, really isn't. Yes, reality needs to be examined very closely before ploughing ahead.