I experience OCD since I was aged 10. Been on antidepressants since I was aged 10.

I have been to therapy when I was child. Then again when I was 18 to 20. For OCD.

I was then daignosed with traits of borderline personality disorder. I did the therapy DBT. Which is Dailet Behaviour therapy.
But after my treatment my OCD has come back.

The OCD I experience is the superstitious part. So afarid people put curses on me to getting very reiligous. It got more worse after experiencing this with my therapist. I wanted to get back to my faith. Abit conflict in myself. Like if God was real, is there a hell?
Will I go to hell? Does God punish me when I do some thing wrong? Or if I get religious will it prokoke my OCD?

So I went to see my therapist. I told her my habit looking on YouTube at ghost hunters videos since teenager. It would really scare me.
Unable to sleep and leave the mall on because I would get very vidi imagery pictures in my mind of this tall shadow figure or the devil beside my bed. Or I will check under my bed to make sure the demons not under my bed. Some times if I'm brave I would turn off the light but then quickly turn it on cause I thought Insaw a shadow but it was just a shadow of my coat hanger. I will pray to God do Our Father pray etc.

To be honsent I looked at it because I was literally bored and seeking spiritualism.
So my therapist went over the side effects its unhelpful for me to look at ghost video. Like increase anxiety affects me to have a good sleep etc.
Then she asked me to do mindfulness with my emotions. It's what I learnt in Dailet Behaviour therapy, its to treat people who experience Borderline personality disorder . Which has helped me a lot.
Anyway during the session she asked to talk to Jesus Christ and how Jesus said to me " I need someone to guide me" , "you need to come closer to me spiritually " the frist step was my therapist" , "you can find a church" and start by praying with me. I want to hear about your day" . It literally felt like that he was sittingbeside me on the sofa. In my mind visually he was sitting beside holding my hand. It felt encouraging warm and love.
How it felt he was filling the void that my mum was unable to fulfill.
Also how to pray to be thankful for what I have.
I did say in the session I'm anxious what I'm talking to a demon and is pretending to be Jesus. So my therapist asked me to ask Jesus so I asked " Do you come in the name of Jesus Christ" then Jesus said " I am the Lord" pointing up to the sky with his index finger.During that time I told my therapist that Jesus told me I have the spirit of fear. How I believe that because when I use to work at a library this lady who husband was a Christian minister told me I had the spirit of fear. So she told me to breath out air cause spirits work through air. Some thing a long the line said in the bible. To breath out negative and to breath in God and to accept Jesus. I just felt my hands going up to a fist and my forearms felt hot.
Eventually it went away. My therapist told that the fear wasn't mine and was never to hold on too. Which made my eyes watery.

She told me at the end of therapy. That what she did is on the borderline of not psychology. If I told another therapist about this they be like "she did that?" *eyes rolls*
She told me she did it because she believes I'm worth more than therapy.

When I brought it up the next session how it kinda made my OCD worse. She said it's best if I talk to a Christian minister about it and it's not part of therapy. I was left very confused. Because it's like wait but what about last session? You cant flip it like that.

Anyway from then on Inhave been obsessed listening to carholic priest about Angel's and demons or the church. Posting on forums to make sure what I experienced wasnt demons. Or their be YouTube videos of ghost on my YouTube feeds so it tempts you to watch it which is annoying.
Then I get scared at ight time. Or talk to my partner about reiligous stuff he thinks it's getting a bit obsessive. To me praying to God to get a car park and I think I got a car park because of me praying.
I dont know what is going on. But I feel I'm going a bit nuts.

[MrsA]

I do find it alarming that your therapist told you to do that and then didn't want to follow up when you reported negative consequences.

My personal opinion is that religion can be empowering or diminishing depending on the motives of the organization. When I was young, I was forced to join a church I didn't want to attend. In this church they try to convince you that you are weak and helpless and that the devil and temptation are waiting around every corner. The church said we can't rely on our own intelligence but we had to listen the church instead. I know that this kind of church isn't run by a god, but it was run by men who wanted to scare peoole so they would pay money to the church every month to get blessings and reserve their place in heaven. This is an earthly business, not a representative of god.

If the church you go to is sincere, they should try to reassure you that you have the ability to control your own destiny and that everyone was born with equal potential. As an adult, I believe that if there is a god out there, he isn't someone so petty that he will obsessed over whether you followed every little rule or ritual outlined by men who claim to represent god. If there a god worth knowing, he would respect the fact that you are doing your best and that your intentions are good.

It's possible that you would have found a parking space regardless of whether you prayed. Praying is ok if it makes you feel good, it is like a sort of meditation. Praying should not cause fear or compulsion. I'm surprised your therapist won't discuss this with you. But keep in mind that I'm not a therapist and I don't know the rules they have to follow.

This is just my opinion. I'm pretty sure you won't go to hell. You don't seem like a bad person at all. It's not a sin to struggle in life.