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Aviza
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Default Jan 27, 2021 at 08:42 AM
  #1
I discovered there are people in my life I haven't forgiven and it still makes me angry to think about what they've done. I don't know how to release that anger and forgive them.

One is the adulterer on my first marriage. I ran into her at a salon she had a second job and refused to cut my hair because she was sleeping with my husband. I was pregnant at the time. When we met at work she was sitting next to my husband at a call center and thought i was fat, early on in pregnancy. Which in her mind justified the affair, seeing i was really pregnant shocked her. But I've forgiven my ex but haven't forgiven her.

My second wedding makeup girl didn't listen to what i wanted and did what she wanted for my wedding day makeup. My lips were orange and not red like i liked and wore regularly. My pictures looked awful cause my makeup was bad. I'm so angry at this girl for forcing her vision on me. I don't know how to forgive her. I have tossed all pictures, she refused to sell me red lipstick. I mean she was a total ***** who controlled my whole appt and it was my day, not hers.

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Default Jan 27, 2021 at 12:29 PM
  #2
It takes time to Forgive but it can be done. Try to focus on your inner self and when you feel ready you may even try to contact them if you feel like it and perhaps try to make amends. Writing some letters may prove helpful even without sending them afterwards although that would be WONDERFUL! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Aviza, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 09:26 AM
  #3
What sucks is that pain and anger can linger for years after a negative experience, but in the end, that anger and pain only hurts US, and not the people we are angry at. Emotions are complex... I'm curious why you forgave your ex but not the female? I completely understand your anger and rage at her for what she did to you. Perhaps you could forgive her for being a lowly person who clearly didn't know anything better than how she behaved? Her actions are not admirable for certain. I have found that I have been able to forgive even the lowliest people for the lowliest of actions - and amazingly, that forgiveness released me of all the pain and anger I was carrying around towards them. I wonder if writing a pretend note to this woman in particular would help you to release it and forgive? I am focused mainly on the adulterer, but the same can apply to the other woman as well.

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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 11:20 AM
  #4
My mom told me to forgive him or I'd become bitter, i was a very angry 25 year old. She said i was getting wrinkles. So i forgave him. It dawned on me years later i haven't forgiven her.

I'm 46 no wrinkles. But honestly these other areas just pop into my head and I'm like i have to work on that. Forgiveness is hard.

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Default Jan 29, 2021 at 12:08 AM
  #5
Hi @Aviza.

I can relate very much to discovering that even many years down the track, forgiveness has not been realised. There are people I've been trying to forgive for a long time, and I really do want to forgive them for my own wellbeing, but recently after, as I said, many years of trying to forgive, it dawned on me that maybe I just simply cannot forgive them. It can happen that even though you really wish to forgive, you just can't, and no amount of trying and philosophizing is helping. Yes, so who gets to carry the pain? We do. So, the best thing I can do for myself is to be mindful and not dwell in it, to let go of hurtful thoughts as best I can. And maybe one day it'll just go away.

Sending a hug.

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Default Feb 09, 2021 at 02:16 PM
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Default Feb 09, 2021 at 02:49 PM
  #7
To forget or for give.There is a long way before I give a thought to that.Right now I am processing the aftermath and the intense negative emotions in me.I do not have time to even think about forgiveness.The anger,resentment is slowly dissipating. It may take my lifetime to heal.Until then I cannot forget or forgive.We cannot force ourselves to forgive.It should just happen naturally in my opinion.Sometimes it doesn't happen for a reason.Hugs.
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 07:18 PM
  #8
The 3rd adult that comes into a marriage is not (in my opinion) the one who should carry the blame for the problem marriage. Is it possible that you're telling yourself a story about the woman so you can avoid remaining angry (unforgiving) toward your husband?

As for the make-up chick - I'd feel the same way you do. Why do you have to forgive her? Or, you can forgive her, but still feel angry at her.

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Default Mar 06, 2021 at 11:12 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
The 3rd adult that comes into a marriage is not (in my opinion) the one who should carry the blame for the problem marriage. Is it possible that you're telling yourself a story about the woman so you can avoid remaining angry (unforgiving) toward your husband?

As for the make-up chick - I'd feel the same way you do. Why do you have to forgive her? Or, you can forgive her, but still feel angry at her.

I agree with you, the person that gets triangulated is not to blame.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 06:47 PM
  #10
It's amazing what chanting and meditation can do for letting go and moving on. I was always saying that I was going to start it but, up until last year when my blood was boiling and i was seething over hurts did i finally do it. I highly recommend watching Tina Turner's movie, What's Love Got To Do With It. Changed my life. If I can do it, so can everyone. Namaste
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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 09:47 PM
  #11
I had trouble forgiving too. My religion taught me a way which makes it easier to forgive. It said, focus on evil itself and not the person, for it is evil that is working through them. The person is a sort of hostage of evil. He said, hope for a day when that evil one will be sent away, and evil will no longer exist, and you and the person will find friendship in each other and rejoice that evil is no more. You and them are truly friends, but it is evil itself which has turned you against them. Reject the evil they do. Do not hate them.

I hope this helps you. Forgiveness is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I can see you struggle too.

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Last edited by CANDC; Apr 22, 2021 at 08:23 PM.. Reason: Remove specific religious references
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 02:10 PM
  #12
@Aviza, it is a difficult thing to forgive. One mulls the situation over all the time, so it is a focal point of what they believe is true about the world. If you can take it all off and begin to forgive, you will have much better blood pressure for one thing. When it all comes to it, forgiveness is the right way to go. Clouds hang over people when they believe in the darkness of letting it all seep. You'll find sometimes you get what you need. There'll be a deep awakening from your inner being and you will be able to just let it all go. It's beautiful when it happens because you will have learned from it as one point.

Forgiveness lurks away in the tunnels of the person's brain. It comes around sometimes. A lighthearted feeling about it. And it all comes on, a feeling that you would rather be that way the the hate and anger way. Forgiveness is like a breath of fresh air. Even for the person receiving the forgiveness. We all feel all sorts of things. And it comes around that the good things to feel just race it all on.

And so, forgiveness is also a tool to utilize to help with all the anger you feel. Some situations just makes someone seethe with so much anger and hate. It's all let-go-able. The deep regret of not keeping oneself mentally as fit as one could be seems to make itself become a really known topic to the one feeling all the negativity.

But anyway, I hope that you can be able to let it go and stop all the hate and anger. It really makes life so much worthwhile when it goes to favor a shining light.
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