There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way

Hello my dear friends,

I hope you are all well, I was reminded earlier about a quote "There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way". I wondered what you my dear friends make of this quote?

Many thanks,

QuietMoon

Well, a very interesting question! So I looked up this quote and this is what I found:

"There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” is a quote by the Buddha. I have not spoken to him in person (at least not to his 2,500 B.C. incarnation…) but what he probably meant is that happiness is not a goal that can be attained (for good). Rather, happiness is a consequence (or rather: byproduct) of doing certain things – and refraining from doing certain other things. This view opposes modern materialistic notions of life where we are repeatedly told something along the lines of “If you achieve X/if you manage to get Y – then you´ll be happy.”

I definitely agree with this viewpoint. You cannot chase happiness - you must create happiness for yourself, is my interpretation, by pursuing all things that bring joy and fulfillment in life. It's a by-product of doing..... and of being proactive in life. I also interpret this to mean to look inside for happiness rather than to pursue happiness through external means, ie, a career or job or a certain status in life.

Some people say that what hides happiness is like a cloud that blocks the sun. The sun is always there shining even if the clouds block it from view.

Happiness already exists right now. What keeps me from experiencing it, is what I need to eliminate as best I can. @CANDC

To me, this means happiness is not a destination you just get to and then you're "happy." Happiness is a lifestyle. It makes me think of the quote about how "the obstacles don't block the path, they are the path." I think that a happy life doesn't mean that there is only happiness in life. Its how you deal with the obstacles and challenges in life that also makes a life happier.

To me it means that happiness will find you and you are stunned you did nothing to get there. One day it's just gonna settle on you that you are so happy. It means that it just creeps up. You cannot seemingly just pick up your suitcases and do anything besides say you are happy. It just gets better from there. If you love the world, surely it's gonna come along. Happiness is a state of mind and it is all encompassing so much that it is just who you are.

I am happy. Life is good. I think happiness comes from within. I am happy because I live simply and have not much responsibilities in this world. I take care of myself the best that I can and don't worry about things out of my control. I don't know if happiness is the way. It is a mindset that one chooses. I could be miserable too. I am not rich and don't have much in material goods. But, I am happy with what I have. I think one can choose to be happy in certain situations. If someone told me I had six months to live and was dying from a terrible disease, I may be not as happy. So, happiness is relative to one's situation. For now, happiness is what makes me smile every day. I feel grateful and blessed. I have so much in this world to be thankful for. So, I will cherish my happiness while it lasts.

@bpforever1, this is great to hear. It makes me happy for you, but happy in general to see a person actually be happy in this world.

I, myself, am not happy right now and it's because of my awful job. We spend most of our waking hours at work (if we work full time, which I do), so work needs to be a happy place to be, I feel. Work doesn't need to be perfect, but it needs to be good enough - we need to feel valued, appreciated and respected where we work. And we need a work environment that is free from toxicity.

I work in a place that is pretty toxic to my mental health, and I am not exactly treated with the respect I deserve. It's wearing on me and it seeps into the rest of my life.

I am looking forward to the day when I can feel and say what you are saying now. I know I am blessed, and I am grateful for all that I DO have. But, I need a better job and a healthier place to work, and I need that part of my life to be resolved.

Yes, I work semi-full time and am looking for more work. Work is important since it helps pays the bills and gives focus to one's life. For me, I was in healthcare before. Healthcare is a lifestyle that is not compatible with having a relaxing time and having much free time. However, it gives some people focus and this alone makes them happy.

Have Hope, I think you should not force yourself to be stuck in a job that makes you unhappy and stressed out. It may shorten your life in the long run. I recommend you have balance in your life between hard work that you like doing and having free time. Otherwise, you will be a slave to your job for the money alone. I know money is important but not if earning it kills you in the long run.

I am happy with what I have. I could not say this before when I was unhealthy and leading a very stressful lifestyle. I feel great. I sleep as much as I want, eat what I want, and do things to make me happy. I work at a job that gives me satisfaction. Again, I don't earn much but for me, I don't spend much except for eating out once in a while. I have bills to pay that are rather expensive though. Here, I have to pay city taxes and it is taking a good chunk from my earnings. And, my health insurance fees went up from 200 dollars to 2 thousand dollars a year although I don't earn much. So, I feel the need to look for more work while I can to pay for taxes and health insurance. Thus, I know that money is important but how one earns money is equally as important.

I am happy nevertheless because I am free and independent. I make my own decisions and am taking care of myself. As you know, I was homeless before so I really appreciate all that I have now. My experience with homelessness really changed my perspective on life. I no longer worry too much about my life ten years from now since I don't know what will happen. I try to enjoy and focus on the present to change my future. So far, I am much happier with this perspective and have fewer worries about whether I will be ok in the future when I just focus on the present.

I encourage you to keep searching for a job that doesn't entail much stress as you currently have. OR, if you really can't change jobs, therapy may help you change your reaction to others. Therapy is expensive but if you have the money, therapy may help tremendously. Finding a good therapist is hard but once you find one, you might be able to change your reaction to your situation. This may allow for less stress and more satisfaction from life.

Have Hope, as you know all things come to an end. So, if you think you must endure the unbearable to earn money, then please find ways to deal with it constructively. One day, I hope you find happiness. But, for now, you must find ways to deal with your stress and earn money as well, so as I said, therapy may help deal with your current situation. Some people like athletes have sports coaches whereas some people have life coaches to guide them through life.

No matter what you choose to do, I hope you do find happiness one day.! Best wishes!

@bpforever1, thank you, dear.

I do have a fourth and final interview with a company today for a job I am very keen on - so I am thrilled about this and am very excited about the prospect of a new job. IF I get the offer, all may be resolved, and I will be happy again. If not, then I will find ways to cope better. I do have a therapist, but I have not seen him in three weeks. Lately, I've been crying nearly every morning before work. I am not sure what that is about really, but I gather it's because I don't want to do my job. lol.

I have had much time to think about my happiness lately. I'm busier now. I like what I do. I teach and although it does not pay much, I am happy. I really like meeting new people. I feel blessed.

Now, I want to find another job since I have to pay the high taxes here. I am taking online courses and doing well in them. I like learning and doing new things. I am lucky to have the time to learn something new.

I would not work for money alone. Yes, even though the job may pay well, if I am not into the job or don't have any passion for the job, forget it! I could have continued working as a stripper, then eventually be a sex worker because it pays well. BUT, my heart was not into it. ALSO, I am NO prostitute. I have nothing against prostitution for those who do it, but I thought there must be other ways to make money. So, I pushed myself into teaching and am now very good at it. Now, I would like to write and am working on my writing. I have some ways to go before writing well. I write academically but not well.

I like what I do and am happy now. Writing is fun too. I find it cathartic to write. I probably never be a creative writer but a technical writer. I am lucky to have had an education and degrees to prove it. Academic education is not that important though: experience is. I used to be intimidated by those with a great academic background. Now, I don't care that much about it. I have confidence in myself now. I have learned a lot by myself. I've had experiences that made me who I am today. I am grateful for what I have.

So, I like teaching; this makes me happy. I make as much as a lowly paid full-time teacher here although I work about 20 hours. ( This is the reason my taxes jumped from nil to 20 percent of my earnings. I must be living in the wrong place since I feel pressured to earn more? ) Anyways, I like writing so any job that involves writing will also make me happy. I am extremely lucky to have found my passion in life although I am older. I feel very blessed because I'm getting paid for doing what I like. Technical writing is also hard too. I don't think it is an easy field. But, I like writing. I am happy now because I do what I like.

I’m so happy for you!

I’m curious to know - are you on disability too?

I wish I could be. I have to work full time and it’s most difficult. I suffer from mental health issues but not enough to be on any kind of disability. I don’t have a diagnosis that would require it.

I have found that needing to work full time and support myself fully places enormous strain on me and also forces some tough decisions I need to make career-wise. If I want to be self sufficient and independent where I live, I must make a high salary. So it kind of dictates my decisions based on necessity.

If I could only work part time I’d be far happier, as would many people. Full time work and the stress of having to live takes a toll. But I also choose my field because it interests me and I do get a lot of satisfaction from it. I just wish at times that I could go on disability based on mental health reasons and work part time only.

No, I'm not on disability. I live as a foreigner in an Asian country. The government here would never offer me disability income. I thought about going on disability in America but realized I am highly educated and probably would not have qualified for it after a while. I'm doing well now. At the time I thought I could go on disability, I was off my medication. Now, I've been continually taking my medication for four to five years now and am doing well. The key to my stability is compliance. I am getting paid only for about 20 hours of work although I work almost 15 hours more that is unpaid. It's like a full-time job. I am a free-lancer so get paid per lesson. I like the flexibility and the fact I can earn more if I work more.

I am planning to look for more work as a translator/writer. I applied to one job so far and am just seeing what is out there. The high taxes here are forcing me to find more work. It is a vicious circle of the more I earn, the higher my taxes are though.

Honestly, I am doing better as I become busier. As you know, I had problems with men. This was due to the fact I had too much time on my hands. Now, I am focusing on getting work that is hard to do at this juncture in my life. But, it must be done so I am pushing myself to find more work.

I highly recommend you find work that you are passionate about, not just for the money. I thoroughly enjoy teaching and learning languages. I am doing well as a teacher because I love it. But, it pays very poorly as you know, and am being forced to get other jobs in my other passion- writing. Prior to this, I was a healthcare worker; work that I truly hated. I am doing a lot better now. I made good money as a healthcare worker. But, I gained over 100 pounds since I had no passion nor talent for doing healthcare work. Although I admire and respect those who work in healthcare, I could not physically and mentally do healthcare work. I don't know your reasons for needing a high salary. If you are making million dollars, that is great. But, if you are only making barely 6 figures and killing yourself doing it, I would re-think your reasons for doing so. Your health and sanity are a priority. Well, they are for me. I admire you for having a high salary. But, I am also happy just getting by with what I have now given the fact I am healthy and relatively mentally stable. One more point is that it is not important how much you earn but how much you save. If you earn millions of dollars and are spending every penny of it, then you won't be able to maintain such a lifestyle in the long run. I have learned to save my earnings and not spend every penny of it. It is hard with my earnings to save, but I am trying my best to do so. I learned from my parents that if you don't have the money to spend, then don't take out loans but just do without. I am living a frugal lifestyle with some minor indulgences. But, I learned to live like this from my experiences. I don't have anything of value except for my health and life. So, you can choose your lifestyle and spending habits. Honestly, my parents were never rich, but we were never poor. I had everything I needed. I do not remember starving nor not having clothes etc. I have been blessed.

Also, I am a person who is an optimist and tries to make the best out of my situation. I have endured the unendurable so I feel grateful for whatever I have. Do I want a big house, fancy clothes, expensive food, etc, not really? I don't know why but I am happy with doing what I want and if I make money from doing so, I am
really grateful. I feel blessed for everything in my life. Maybe, I'm just a happy person these days. But, like you, I was unhappy before since I was not in control of my life and myself.

Wow - well, I, too admire your ability to have such a wonderful perspective on life, to feel that all is a blessing in your life and to also thoroughly enjoy what you do! I'm sincerely very glad for you!!

And don't get me wrong -- I DO enjoy my work. The problem is I have not had a healthy/good employer in several years. The field I am in suits me very well though. It's highly complex, very analytical, creative and technical all at the same time. It suits my intellect and I get very stimulated by it. And it's very challenging, but for me, also very rewarding.

I live in a city in the US where it's extremely expensive to live. IF I want to live on my own and be independent without roommates, I cannot afford to earn a lot less money. It's just not practical. I could live with roommates, but I choose not to. Therefore, that choice necessitates that I work in a lucrative field. I happen to have found a field I both enjoy AND earn a great living doing.

Saving $ is a problem though for me at the moment because I live alone and it's very expensive, even in cheaper housing. If and when my husband moves back in, I will have a lot of extra funds to save and also to pay off all my debt. I don't live a fancy lifestyle and I really don't spend much money. I, too, am pretty frugal, though I do love to shop sometimes and to treat myself.

So, right now I am trying to find a better company to work for. And yes, I do seek higher pay, and that's only natural as one progresses in their field and career. But it's not the highest paying job I am after - it's the company culture and the fit. I had a very high paying job back in Feb - the most I ever made - and I had to quit within 5 weeks due to bullying and a multitude of problems that occurred that were outside of my control. It was a very unhealthy work environment. The company I am in now has loads of problems too that end up making my work all the more stressful and difficult to endure.

So my issue is the work environment - not my actual field or work. I am also really good at what I do, and I take great pride in my work. Like I said, it's very rewarding for me - mentally and emotionally. But it IS nerve wrecking at the same time. I have to take risks often without 100% knowing the outcome. No job is absolutely 100% perfect.

But back to you - it's amazing all that you've been through to come to this place of happiness, contentment and peace. And yes, I've seen the issues with the men you've dated and I am glad you're taking a good break to just focus on being happy in your own life. Very important!!!