[(JD)]

I've just found out from my sister that the hospital is transferring mom to a nursing home today. My sister is all broken up with grief, as she thinks mom has given up trying. She might be right..

but when I was there yesterday mom ate well for me, and perked up a few times when I mentioned another family coming this weekend, and also when I offered chocolate.

I called and appealed the decision, so for now she is staying in the hospital. (I have no idea what they do if they've already transferred her!)

Please ask God to give mom the will to live. This is really "only" another infection to battle, and she is able to continue for a while longer if she didn't have it... she just wants out of the hospital and back home and not go to a home.

God's will be done. We just want more for mom, you know?

Thanks!

Jean

[I_WMD]

Ya Sky ,,, I would think we all know the ,,, >>> . God's will be done. We just want more for mom, you know?

So Hopes the Prayers for More Time ,,, and better health to match ,,, Are Heard for All That wish this to be in their Loved Ones Lives also .





WMD.

[cantstopcrying]

Sky, sending prayers for you and your family. This thought, too--the hospital is not able to keep her if she is stable enough to be transfered to a skilled nursing facility. I know it used to be not too long ago that when I thought nursing home I thought of the horrible wards from when I was a kid--I remember going there to sing with our choir and it was frightening. The skilled nursing facilities now are very nice, clean. Make sure you investigate, start now, so you can request what one she can go to. I have a great uncle (who is also my Godfather) that has congestive heart failure and an array of other things--including chronic grumpiness. After his last hospitalization they sent him to a skilled nursing facility and we all thought it would be the end. Whatever they did there was wonderful because he's back in the fields plowing (he's in his late 70's), he's not as depressed and he says it was a wonderful thing because he wasn't stuck in a hospital and he also wasn't home, where he had a lot of memories of being able to do things and that made him sad. So hopefully your mother, if she does have to be transferred, will find the same experience as helpful to her. It's called a step-down facility and hopefully you and your family will be able to see it as being a step towards home, instead of a step away from you. I wish you peace.

[(JD)]

Thanks all! She is improving.



She ate quite well for me tonight. And she had physical therapy today and they said she tolerated it well.

Her original infection was from a nursing home after her previous hospital stay... (this is her 5th stay this year.) She developed the new infection FROM her stay at this hospital, so I didn't think it absurd to ask that she stay until it was cleared. The other infection has just cleared.

She really isn't quite up to going to a nursing home for rehab. I'm trying to work it so she can go HOME with 24 hour care and PT that comes daily.

I have another brother and his wife coming down from MA...they are in Ocala tonight... should be here Saturday. That is good support for me, and for mom.

I've bounced plan b "off" mom... which isn't staying in her own home, but also isn't living in a foreign place... not sure how she will think of this tomorrow. Medicaid requires NURSING care 24/7. And as many of you know nurses cost $250 a week alone... My one sister still has a current license...so if mom will go there and live, it will save that money and allow us to sell her home (?) and provide for home help at my sister's. (Tampa though. ) IDK if it will work. If mom doesn't want to...of course it won't work.

I think this is her last year, unless she really gets stubborn, and heart surgery...which is still a possibility if we can ever get her physically "well" for it... One of my sisters think she only has 6 months. Pity her if mom lives longer and the money is gone while she's living in sister's home. lol But a good problem to me

Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers. I know God heard you, I see the evidence.

Please continue to ask God to give me wisdom in my decisions. I am attorney in fact for mom at the present time. If family goes along things will be okay. I just can't fight family well, you know? (Who wants to?)

to all of you!

[(JD)]

Hi all! I'm going back over to the hospital to feed mom lunch...soon. I expect to find someone much more alert each day. God willing

So much has been accomplished! It will also be great to have one of my brothers and his wife arrive tomorrow (Saturday) to give support and help with some decisions.

I will make one note...for all of us. Please make or update your final plans. You need to put all your property (real estate and personal) into a trust. (In Florida you can do this on a notarized form, no fees, no filing.) If you also think you need a will, then do so (a pour-over will covers any inheritance you may not know about and pours it over into the trust.) Lawyers don't tell you about trusts because they don't make any money on them.

Also, designate a durable power of attorney. You don't even have to tell them you've done this. But it allows someone to write checks/pay bills, make legal arrangements without having to go to court and have you found incompetent etc.

Mom was in the process of changing/adding information to her legal papers when she became ill this year. Being her attorney in fact, I should be able to find out what changes she wanted made, and act on them..but maybe not (too busy to find out right now.)

You never know when you may become too ill to do your personal "business" and once you reach a certain point, you will be unable to do so.

Please take the time now, for you and your family, to make some notes and put them where family can find them?

[Beholden]

Praying praying...for you and your Mom. I had to chuckle about the chocolate. You know someone is very sick when they don't want chocolate.

I'm also praying for her stubborness,that's what gets you through.

My hubby and I had our wills done last year and there was some issue by by daughter and her husband about what we wanted. so glad that we did that before some happends to us. That is such good advise. We have a real time of it when DH parents needed nursing home care. I would not wish that on my family at all.

You take care, His will be done!

[(JD)]

Tks!

Mom was more alert. Even asked one of the nurses how he was and he was shocked...he'd fed her for 2 days and didn't know she could speak! ROFL So she is doing better.

I lost the "appeal" but won't have to pay..and it gave mom the 2-3 days she needed to fight that infection IN the hospital. Not sure if she will go to rehab for a week or so, or if we can find someone to spend the night with her at home. She's agreed to go live with one of my sisters...so that's new and a plus... not sure how fast we can do anything though. Of course we'd like to figure it out so she can stay in her home.

[(JD)]

The extra days in hospital (during appeal) is just what mom needed. PLUS all the prayers!

Mom is being moved out of the hospital today and going to physical therapy rehab center. Over the course of nearly 2 hours last night I told her several times that she was getting better and would go there, and she had to work at walking with her walker so she could go home sooner... etc

Alas after the last time telling her she looked at me, eyes wide open and mind working :"What am I going to wear?" LOL ah mom, the fashionista! I had had my sister take her some sets of clothes over and thus began a small show for mom to pick something out to "travel" in.

God will bless you all for holding one of His children (mom) up to him in prayer. Please do continue to hold her and the family in your thoughts... this may very well be her last year, and if we can get her home soon, she'll be able to enjoy it more.

[sabby]

((((((((((( Sky & mom & family ))))))))))))))

Cherish these wonderful moments (I'm sure you do) with mom now. She sounds like a spry and spunky lady and I'm so glad she is doing so much better now.

I'm picturing in my mind the fashion showing for her to pick out something to travel in.....what a fun time that must have been for you, her and your sister.....God bless you all!!


sabby

[bestillandknow]

Originally Posted by _Sky

Thanks all! She is improving.



She ate quite well for me tonight. And she had physical therapy today and they said she tolerated it well.

Her original infection was from a nursing home after her previous hospital stay... (this is her 5th stay this year.) She developed the new infection FROM her stay at this hospital, so I didn't think it absurd to ask that she stay until it was cleared. The other infection has just cleared.

She really isn't quite up to going to a nursing home for rehab. I'm trying to work it so she can go HOME with 24 hour care and PT that comes daily.

I have another brother and his wife coming down from MA...they are in Ocala tonight... should be here Saturday. That is good support for me, and for mom.

I've bounced plan b "off" mom... which isn't staying in her own home, but also isn't living in a foreign place... not sure how she will think of this tomorrow. Medicaid requires NURSING care 24/7. And as many of you know nurses cost $250 a week alone... My one sister still has a current license...so if mom will go there and live, it will save that money and allow us to sell her home (?) and provide for home help at my sister's. (Tampa though. ) IDK if it will work. If mom doesn't want to...of course it won't work.

I think this is her last year, unless she really gets stubborn, and heart surgery...which is still a possibility if we can ever get her physically "well" for it... One of my sisters think she only has 6 months. Pity her if mom lives longer and the money is gone while she's living in sister's home. lol But a good problem to me

Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers. I know God heard you, I see the evidence.

Please continue to ask God to give me wisdom in my decisions. I am attorney in fact for mom at the present time. If family goes along things will be okay. I just can't fight family well, you know? (Who wants to?)

to all of you!

I was taught about the 'six month journey' when I did a tour of duty at a quality nursing home in my region. I witnessed two types of cases, and also the same trend in my own grandmother, whom I helped care for in my mid-20's.
Type A: This resident claims that they are too miserable to live any longer, 'they are ready/want the Lord to take them now'. Their physician checks them frequently, and their meds. and conditions are otherwise managed effectively w/ no emminent threat of intensive care or death. In every case I observed, the resident had lost mobility or coordination of their body. It seemed to be a form of tantrum, when you really got closer:
"God! If I can't live the way I used to, and be pain-free like I was-I don't want to live at all. It was hell enough when you took my husband/wife from me-now this! My children do not respect my authority anymore, they speak to me like I'm not all there. What kind of God are you, anyway, to leave all off us suffering in this humiliating condition?"
This is the attitude you see towards the activity aides:
"Baah! Let me tell you where you can go w/ your Arts & Crafts, you obnoxious brat! What makes you think grade school projects w/ those
retards in there can address all the problems I have, which I'm chained, helpless to address-beyond these walls. Go away, you troll!"
This type of resident regards citizens of the facility who are afflicted w/ dementia and other forms of cognitive degeneration as inferior, and will repeatedly point out the 'class distinction'.
Now on the other hand, when clergy, or their congregation's pastor visits, they plead their case to him/her-they are a victim.
My point w/ this account is merely this: the resident does not win their battle w/ their God-they only intensify their miserable condition. Chronic pain is nothing to take lightly w/ a human being of any age, and depression makes coping practically impossible.
In my grandmother's case, she was able to take Prozac. Within six months, she was enjoying more activities at the facility and had made friends w/ other women. She was not as preoccupied w/ herself and things she no longer had control over in the outside world.
One indicator of the 'six month journey' in the natural death process is that the individual will claim that they are being visited by relatives and friends that have already 'passed on'.
You love your mom-I pray your wisdom is increased for her sake.

[(JD)]

Thanks for your thoughtful words.

Mom is on the last part of her journey. She can't go to any family's home due to a "safety" issue. I'm having to move her to a nursing home long term care/chronic care and out of the rehab center she is in...she isn't improving enough, fast enough. She might never.

Mom is coming around some. I'm sure it's because she is free of infection and not having to take antibiotics which also (along with infection) causes that dementia symptom.

She realizes she is going into a nursing home but it doesn't have to be permanent... if she can become strong enough to sit in a chair without falling over, she can go home.

As anyone and everyone who has been through this knows, there are numerous side issues. This case is no different. One aspect: due to the changes made to the banking industry, the entire community where she owns her home has been blocked from all mortgages and loans even from the government! We're talking tens of thousands of residents who can't sell or obtain equity from their home right now, and no one can buy into the area unless it's a cash deal. You can imagine what's going on there. Alas, that includes us as we cannot garner any equity from mom's home to help pay her bills while she is in nursing care. (The government takes her check while she's in there.)

Having this brother done (with his supportive wife) has been a real God-send for me, and mom. He leaves next week though. Hopefully he will have squared our sisters away by then, otherwise it will the the same-ole same-ole issues I have to deal with for mom...

But the good news is mom "gets it" about how to return home.

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. God is good.

[Capp]

Very good all the time...

Cap

[(JD)]

Mom "failed" the tests they gave her to determine her own safety issues in the home. This is why she can't go to her own home, even with 24/7. She began to fall over after just 1 minute of sitting on the bed, and 3 minutes sitting in a chair.

Hmm...I have days like that.

The best nursing home doesn't have availability...and has a waiting list. They are the best, and their patients live longer...which is why the no vacancy and why the wait list.

So mom will be moved to the nursing home part of the facility where she is... and if she lives long enough, moved to the better home. It also is one that is closer to me, about 3 miles away, rather than the 12 where she is now. I just won't be able to go see her much at all over there.

I hope she is comfortable.

One of my sisters said let's put all this aside for now, as it's the best week of the year (holiday.) HUH? I emailed her back that due to mom (and issues with her) taking all of my time and energy, I haven't been able to get to church to celebrate. Oh well.

[MichelleNY]

{{{{{SKY}}}}}}}

Prayers for you.. and Mom ...& your Family.

[eskielover]

Sky,

My prayers for your Mother & for all of you (her family) that God will guide your decisions for the safety & well being of your mother. I am glad that your mother being cared for where she is really safe & you don't have to feel the need to constantly be with her to make sure she is being cared for.

Reading this takes me back to all I went through with my own Mother (who was dying of cancer but the Dr's wouldn't admit it) just 4 years ago & wishing the hospital had been smart enough not to allow her to have gone back to her own home or that they had been honest enough with us about her condition. They refused to see how bad she was & that was what allowed that horrible home care person to come into the picture. I had the power of attorney at the time, but because they didn't deem her incompetent of making her own decisions, there was nothing I could do to even force the care she really needed & she refused to accept the fact that she was as sick as she really was because her Dr kept telling her she was ok. (what a nightmare).

It was amazing that even though I was constantly with my mother in her home while the home care person was there (because things just didn't seem right but couldn't put my finger on it at the time).....so it wasn't that she did the things while I wasn't there.....she did it all right under my nose.....luckily, everything blew up after only 5 days......but it was enough to do a lot of damage to both my Mother & to me.

I know the desire of Mom's to stay in their own homes, but after I lived through what happened to my Mother & then finally got her into a wonderful nursing home the last month of her life......I told my daughter if I was ever that stupid to just make sure I remember back to what my Mother did to me.

I think having more family around to help with the decision making really helps....being an only child & the only family, it really made it rough because I had no support from anywhere to help her make the right decisions.

Your Mother is lucky to have family who cares,
Debbie