[mgran]

Just had a really REALLY bad day. Was supposed to be socialising, found it exhausting, terrifying, and I had to hide to cry, before asking a friend to drive me home for a break. Fortunately she's a clinical psychologist (or is that psychiatrist) so she knows what I'm going through. My son got to stay and play with the other kids, and was happy as Larry, but when I returned after a few hours, I still felt weary, and couldn't focus on what people were saying. Too much information, voices, and sights, and I started hallucinating, thinking of suicide (not voluntarily, those "think the thoughts at you" thoughts.) And having vivid flashes of violent death, accident, murder etc. Just awful.
We're meant to be going back tomorrow, and I'm wondering if I can bow out, and let my son go with our friends. It's only a half day tomorrow though, that's bound to make it more bearable.
And oh cr@p, I forgot to take my meds on time. Got to do that now.

[EmptyReflection]

I know that feeling all too well. I get in one of those rare "I wanna socialize with people!" moods, but the more people that are present, the harder it is to stay straight. Thoughts get all fragmented, and eventually I just start reflex-reacting to stuff around me. Good time to excuse myself, if I'm not being led off.

Still, it's good to hear you made it out ok. If it seems like it's too much for tomorrow, it'd be better to "call in sick" so to speak, than push it. Overload gets the thinking all foggy, imo.

[mgran]

Thank you. Today I did go (turns out the event wasn't insured for my son if I didn't turn up) but I sat outside on a bench and watched the wind in the trees and the water. At one point when I was inside I got hyperfocussed on my hand resting against the wall, and someone came up and said, "why's the wall so interesting?" I told her my mind had just been wandering, and excused myself.

Left earlier today too, and my son went to play with friends, so I've been sitting calming down. Not nearly as bad as yesterday, thanks be to God.

I'm sorry you know the feeling, EmptyReflection... but I think at least we're getting to know what triggers it? You're right, the more people, the harder it is.