[mgran]

As you can probably guess from the title, I'm currently very paranoid and fearful. Sorry if this triggers anyone, but I'm frightened that I've offended God, that I'm worshipping Him wrongly, and that I'm going to hell. I've also been seeing far more shadows moving in the corner of my eye, and sometimes flashes of people who aren't there. (At least I assume they're not, real people don't vanish when you look at them.)

I realise this won't make much sense to anyone, and I don't need to be talked out of it. I "know" with my head it's not true. It's just that I'm feeling very scared.

I'm just putting this out there so folks know where I'm up to. I've had a very bad stomach bug the past few days, and it might have effected the way my meds are being absorbed. Hopefully it will sort out soon. The other possibility is that I've taken too much on, and should dial back my activities.

Thanks for listening.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I'm listening! I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I am listening

[billieJ]

Dear Mgran - I understand what you are saying, and I share your belief that your recent stomach bug has interfered with your medications. I find, too, that when I lose sleep, my paranoia and mild hallucinations increase. I share your fears about going to hell but I can say that it is doubtful that there is a "wrong" way to worship. However, I would need more information as to what you mean by this. Feel free to PM me if you like, as I realize that this is not the place for "religious" posting. I am driven to say, however, that Christianity is about forgiveness and goodness. Will look forward to any PM you may care to send. billieJ

[mgran]

Thank you both... CSC... I'm not sure I want to talk too much about how I'm feeling in the open forum, but what I can say is that I've been trying to find out about other religions, since I do think most of them worship the same God, and I can't figure out why everyone's fighting about it. I'm doing voluntary work with refugees, and some of them are lovely. So in order to understand them I've been reading their holy books, finding out what they really believe. And I've started worrying that maybe I've picked the wrong religion (or the wrong religion picked me) and I've been offensive to God.

I'm feeling a lot better now, my meds stayed down, and the panic has subsided. I'll still talk to my doctor on Monday.

Billie... thanks for your offer of support. I'll pm you.

And again, thank you both.

[mgran]

Argh, and now I'm getting repetitive thoughts that I'm going to die soon... I have a chest pain, and I'm worried it's pancreatitis (I've been in the hospital with that in the past. This isn't as sharp though.) Again, I'm not scared by it (not yet anyway) I'm feeling flat right now. I'm scared that the meds I'm on are making me sick, and that I shouldn't take them. Yesterday I was thinking I shouldn't take them for other reasons... I'm not sure I want to wait till Monday.

[mgran]

Crisis team are coming out, it came back worse today with terror of death thrown into the mix.

I'm sorry that you're struggling mgran. I hope the crisis team are able to be of some help.

Take care

*Willow*

[mgran]

They came out and gave me some meds to help me over the weekend, and are writing to my doctor, who they want me to see on Monday.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Hope you're doing ok this weekend, mgran.

[mgran]

Doing better, the meds have helped. I thought they'd knock me out, but they haven't... however the fact that I'm not shaking with fear any more is a huge relief.