[Tsunamisurfer]

Out of desperation my wife took me to see a psychologist today. I tried so hard not to say anything, but halfway through he managed to get me to talk - then it just kept coming and I couldn't stop. I made the fatal mistake of mentioning the "S" word a couple of times.

Finally he said "what we are dealing with here is what is known as schizoaffective disorder". He mentioned something about Risperdal. I didn't blink, although inwardly I was preparing to run.

Then he wrote his recommendations to my psychiatrist and wouldn't tell me what he wrote. He is sending me back to her, and I know she is a lockup artist of the first order.
I told him that she would lock me up if she knew what I told him. I asked him to promise he would bail me out if she tried to put me in hospital. There was a glint in his eye as he put on a practised smile and nodded. I expected to hear him say "Oh yes, my pinkie promises".
I feel betrayed, hopeless and more trapped than before.
I'm going to be back on those paralysing poison pills again, and I just can't see how I'm going to cope much longer.

When I see her I absolutely have to come across as perfectly normal.

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

Out of desperation my wife took me to see a psychologist today. I tried so hard not to say anything, but halfway through he managed to get me to talk - then it just kept coming and I couldn't stop. I made the fatal mistake of mentioning the "S" word a couple of times.

Finally he said "what we are dealing with here is what is known as schizoaffective disorder". He mentioned something about Risperdal. I didn't blink, although inwardly I was preparing to run.

Then he wrote his recommendations to my psychiatrist and wouldn't tell me what he wrote. He is sending me back to her, and I know she is a lockup artist of the first order.
I told him that she would lock me up if she knew what I told him. I asked him to promise he would bail me out if she tried to put me in hospital. There was a glint in his eye as he put on a practised smile and nodded. I expected to hear him say "Oh yes, my pinkie promises".
I feel betrayed, hopeless and more trapped than before.
I'm going to be back on those paralysing poison pills again, and I just can't see how I'm going to cope much longer.

When I see her I absolutely have to come across as perfectly normal.

It is a sad world when we can't even be honest with the doctors that are supposed to help us. I finally did a little 'doctor shopping' and was surprised at how many I would never want to be a patient for. I've heard everything from 'needing Christ in my life' to 'I only deal with your meds, you will have to find another doctor' to having to wait 5 weeks for a return call when I was in crisis. I kept going until I found someone who knew what they were doing. And then I moved and started the process all over again. After 9 months I finally found someone locally. But I'd do it all over again if I had to.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

... I kept going until I found someone who knew what they were doing. And then I moved and started the process all over again... .

LOL. All that patience and effort, and then you move and have to start over.

Well, that is taking a long term view of it

Here I am just wondering if I will see tomorrow

I guess my doctors are not really the evil mean nasties that I make them out to be - I just really dread being on antipsychotics, (and 100% guaranteed that is what they put me on in hospital) and I'm longing for a life that is free of them. The psychologist today was pointing out that many of my symptoms were killing my life and ability to function. To me either way it just looks awfully like a no-win situation.
I hope I prove to be wrong.

[Trippin2.0]

(((((( Hugs )))))) be kind to yourself Pete... Will be praying 4 u my friend...

I'm so sorry it went like that. I don't know about your dr's , but mine usually let me take the reigns on what is happening, from meds to hospital. I can put a very good arguement about how the hospital may make my life worse. Meds, I just plain will not take them unless I am in agreement. It is my body after all, and yours too. I hope the turn out to be less mean and more human for your sake.

Wishing you ALL my luck with this.Let us know how you are.

[costello]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

It is a sad world when we can't even be honest with the doctors that are supposed to help us.

This is so true, porcupine.

[costello]

I'm really sorry to hear about this, Tsunami. Why did your wife take you to the psychologist?

And why would the psychologist refuse to tell you what is in the communication to the pdoc? How disrespectful. It brings to mind the Open Dialogue method from Finland which forbids communicating about the patient outside of the treatment team. The idea is to create transparency in the treatment decisions. Of course you feel that people are colluding against you under those circumstances.

http://www.madnessradio.net/madness-...on-open-dialog

The aim of the treatment meeting explicitly became defined as that of dialogue, in which the patient can find voice, thus reducing the person’s sense of isolation. This approach emphasizes the process of finding language for psychotic experience that previously was inexpressible and creating a shared understanding of the crisis within a network. The use of ordinary words and creation of joint meanings tends to generate a collaborative set of relationships and to open up an avenue to people’s own knowledge, skills, and capabilities…. One of the effects of these language practices in the treatment meeting is to create a transparency in psychiatric care—indeed, the “openness” of Open Dialogue. The deleterious effects of contradictory injunctions originating from different contexts can be countered by making the confusing messages open for discussion during the meeting. There are no separate staff meetings to talk about the “case,” so all “case management” issues, including medication, hospitalization, and psychotherapeutic options, must be addressed in the meeting with everyone in the network present….

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/20...for-psychosis/

[Tsunamisurfer]

Thanks everyone for your support. It is deeply appreciated.

Originally Posted by Anika

... Meds, I just plain will not take them unless I am in agreement. It is my body after all, and yours too...

Anika, the last time I was put on antipsychotics, my pdoc threatened to have me committed if I didn't go voluntarily. The reputation our state hospitals have is beyond incompetence and neglect. I really don't want to die there.
I want to get better, but I don't want the state to become involved.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by costello

I'm really sorry to hear about this, Tsunami. Why did your wife take you to the psychologist?...

Thanks Costello.
My wife is cracking under the strain. She is the sole breadwinner for our family, and she works really hard. I try to take care of the kids, but there is always something she needs to sort out. So she is already really stretched, and then has to face the daily pain and dread that at any moment she may come home to no more husband, but an inconceivable mess and children whose lives are turned upside down.
I want her to get help. She needs it.

We went together, because we usually do so that she knows what is going on with my psychiatrist. I'm pretty useless at conveying the details of such a meeting to any degree of accuracy. So having both of us at pdoc meetings made sense to us. The psychologist was an introductory meeting. If I go back to him, it will probably be alone.

[mgran]

Tsunami, you sound so very sympathetic and supportive of your wife. It's lovely that you love her so much, even in the depth of your fear you can see through her eyes. That's a rare gift.

Your wife also loves you very much too. She's panicking, and maybe being manipulated, precisely because she cares for you so much. But you know all this.

In the short term an anti psychotic might be good... you say that you absolutely have to seem in control when you see this next doc. I believe you. My advice is to agree to medication in the short term, and to demonstrate to your doc that things are levelling out.

Porcupine, next time someone tells you that you "Need Jesus in your life", tell them that you're a born again Christian, and see them scramble for some other excuse for your disability. I'm a Christian, and I know that forcible excorcism is a problem amongst the charismaniacs. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Tsunamisurfer]

I saw my pdoc today, and she agrees with the T that it is Schizoaffective disorder. We had a long discussion about which antipsychotic was best for me. Eventually we settled on Seroquel. She didn't have me locked away, but made some alarming noises about the risks of me acting on my delusions and paranoia if I went off the drugs.

Here begins a new road of heavy drugs and psychotherapy for me.

I'll try to stay in touch.

Peter

[mel80]

good luck with the seroquel.Depending on what dosage you will be taking you will notice the sedating effects of the meds.Try to stay out of hospital won't you

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by mel80

good luck with the seroquel.Depending on what dosage you will be taking you will notice the sedating effects of the meds.Try to stay out of hospital won't you

Thanks Mel. I took my first dose of 100mg 30 minutes ago and I am feeling so drunk I can hardly see to type.
My pdoc wants to push it up to 300mg within a month.
I hope I tolerate it better with time.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

Thanks Mel. I took my first dose of 100mg 30 minutes ago and I am feeling so drunk I can hardly see to type.
My pdoc wants to push it up to 300mg within a month.
I hope I tolerate it better with time.

I was on seroquel for awhile. It made me sleep pretty darn good. Good luck. I hate being on meds too. =(

[mgran]

Hi Tsunami, you will get to tolerate it better. I'm on 350 XR. It actually did help with the psychosis, though I sometimes still get upset by feeling over sedated. But for the most part it's a good drug. Keep in touch.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

Thanks Mel. I took my first dose of 100mg 30 minutes ago and I am feeling so drunk I can hardly see to type.
My pdoc wants to push it up to 300mg within a month.
I hope I tolerate it better with time.

I woke up 17.5 hours later, missed getting my kids to school, and am so drunk we have had to call in the support of friends to do the various lifts through the afternoon and evening.
My pdoc said I was very dysfunctional and needed an antipsychotic. But I was never as dysfunctional as I am now under the influence of this insanely powerful sedative!!! I would be less hazardous driving with 6 beers in my belly than on this pill that nobody blinks about! (No, I'm not about to substitute it with beer)

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by mgran

Hi Tsunami, you will get to tolerate it better. I'm on 350 XR. It actually did help with the psychosis, though I sometimes still get upset by feeling over sedated. But for the most part it's a good drug. Keep in touch.

Thanks Mgran. That is encouraging.

[costello]

(((Tsunami)))

[Tsunamisurfer]

Ah yes! New one: my medical insurance covers bipolar and schizophrenia, but not schizoaffective!!! Huh! So I stay registered as having bipolar, and they won't cover my antipsychotics as chronic meds. Pdoc says I must not stop taking them, even if the symptoms clear. Maybe 4 months down the line (Mgran, this one is for you), my pdoc decides whether my psychotic episode is chronic and not episodic, and the schizophrenia / bipolar co-morbid diagnosis becomes an option. Somehow I suspect that with a truckload of APs in me, that diagnosis won't be made.

[porcupine2]

I hope this medication helps you. Some people really benefit from it, unfortunately I was not one of them. I'm supposed treatment resistant so for me to find medications that I can tolerate is a challenge in itself. Keep us posted Tsunami

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

... I'm supposed treatment resistant so for me to find medications that I can tolerate is a challenge in itself.

I'm sorry to hear that, Porcupine. I hope something is developed soon that can help you.

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

I'm sorry to hear that, Porcupine. I hope something is developed soon that can help you.

after 53 different med trials I went back to the old and true - prozac with lamicatal and xanax so I at least have something. I'm done with the being a guinea pig.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

... I'm done with the being a guinea pig.

That sounds like a very good place to be

[WikidPissah]

I had little patience or tolerance of Seroquel, but I know it works well for a TON of people with psychosis as well as some with bipolar dx's. When I was on it I did notice that as I titrated up the lethargy and drunken feeling petered out. Best of luck to you, I really hope it works.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

When I was on it I did notice that as I titrated up the lethargy and drunken feeling petered out.

Thanks. I am really looking forward to that.