4 months since seeing my treatment team

I guess I'm proud of how far I've come in the last 6 months. I went from waking up in the PM, and satying on the couch all day terrorized by intrusive thoughts, and going in and out of depression, feeling helpless and fearful, to a kind of stability these days where I can focus on the other aspects in my life; like trying to get a girlfriend, or finding a better job. I'm starting to believe that I'm getting out of hell, and ascending in my house of treatment to where I'm getting more in touch with myself. It's a slow process, but I'm in a good place right now.

I haven't seen my treatment team in 4 months, 4 months. I'm particularly proud of how I dealt with a recent depressive episode that went on for 3 days and reached a solid 6 out of 10 in it's intensity. I saw friends, and brought out the DBT and Depression workbook, also took a day off of work to work through the depression. I actually kind of snapped out of it after I watched one of those old CKY Bam Margera Jackass style videos, and realized all that really matters in life is "taking care of business, and having fun." That was my mantra through this episode.

If I went back to my treatment team today I think I would want to talk less about my illness and more about me as a human being, and what i want and need, my future etc... I think that's a good sign that I'm getting out of my head more. I don't know if at this point I need a treatment team, but I'm not ready to break it off either. I know I could always slip back into hell if I don't do the things I need like working a job that occupys my mind with stuff, conversating with people, etc...

I'm actually starting to talk to a woman who had a traumatic brain injury and who is an recovering alcoholic like me, and we're hitting it off pretty well. It's been a long time since I met a woman that kind of accepts me as I am. It's a good feeling that some women out there do. We've only really just met, and I'm taking the friends approach (even when my mind just goes off into fantasy mode), but I'm excited to get to know this person and see wherever it leads...

I still wonder if I'm going to recover any further, and what I will be like in the future as I continue to grow. I think there's a part of me that still resents who i am, and is not comfortable with who i am. (Though I'm starting to be more aware of how other peoples consideration of me is nothing to focus on.) I want to be more confident, and I'm not really content with who i am today, but I'm learning, and the only way for me to do that it seems is doing it my way, the way i recover is to stay out of my head, and try to be happy.

thanks for reading guys,
- Bracken

I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well!

Fantastic! I'm glad you're doing so much better A real inspiration for the rest of us.

odd timing that just after I wrote this I began getting some auditory hallucinations at work. I've never had these, except for the odd voice while going to bed, or randomly. I really got ****ed up by them for like two days now. I'm feeling better, but it was frightening for sure. I think I got overworked and stressed out.

let me ask you guys, what do you do when you start hearing voices? i've been doing stuff all day with headphones on.

geez......

this is really hard to accept if this is going to continue...

Are you on medication? I never had voices or auditory hallucinations until I was on medication. I stopped the meds and it went away immediately.

thats interesting to hear

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When I get auditory hallucinations, I put music on or watch movies or play videogames. Do some sort of involved activity with noise. That or just humour the voices/noises. I used to have a common hallucination where I'd hear something akin to a bomb going off in the kitchen. I'd seriously just look into the kitchen & say "YEAH, BECAUSE THAT MAKES A HELL OF A LOT OF SENSE. THE KITCHEN IS CLEARLY STILL THERE. TRY HARDER NEXT TIME."