[Squirrel1983]

I feel drained right now. Had a very emotional/stressful day (and it is only 6pm).

T finally responded to my many emails I sent about being worried what pdoc was going to think/say/do/etc. about what she called mild hypomania.

I've been having strange dreams where he (pdoc) forces me to take unidefied medications at my next visit or calls someone while I am in his office and has me taken to the hospital or increases my meds (adds more, etc.) to the point where I am a zombie.

I let T know about these dreams and she thinks I am obsessed with what pdoc thinks. She hints at reasons why and poses questions and says we will talk about it at our next session.

What do, I do then? Start worrying about my next session with her because I would rather not talk about why I am so "afraid" of what pdoc is going to do because I have no clue why I am. I let her know that I am "dreading" the next session with her and she emails back that she is concerned because she thought I trusted her more than that.

Great! (insert sarcasm) Now T thinks I have trust issues. Could the matter get any worse? I was stressed to no end thinking about my pdoc and T appointments in Jan. T only made the situation worse by suggesting things and then saying we'd have to discuss it. I hate discussing uncomfortable topics.

Eventually (after about 5 or 6 more emails back and forth), I got to the point where I am no longer dreading my appointments. I'm still probably going to be uncomfortable at them, but there is no longer dread.

T ended by telling me not to worry because it was "bad" for my mental well-being. It's so easy to tell someone that, but it is so hard to do in reality.

I still do not agree with some of what T said in her emails...maybe I am in denial, maybe I know myself better, maybe I will have an epiphany later.

All I know is about 15 or 20 minutes ago, the emotional roller coaster I was on subsided and I am able to relax again.

It's going to be a long week and a half till I see T. Hopefully my usual hour will be long enough to hash through what we need to hash through, while at the same time not being so long it tortures me.

[cybermember]

Its all about uncertainties of "what if's". I think it's anxiety and can come across as obsessiveness. Try to take a step back and slowly breathe in and breathe out. Replace your spinning mind with the exclusive focus on your every breathe when it goes in through your nostrils and went it's exhaled out through your mouth. Repeat this ten times and then tell me how you feel.

[Squirrel1983]

I think it is a matter too of keeping myself occupied or rather my mind occupied. I played around in the PC Arcade for a while and had no stress or worries while playing the games. I think my problem is I sit and think things through too much.

The few deep breaths I could take (the recent change in weather is triggering my asthma lately) relaxed me too. I just need to keep my mind off the matter until it's time to face it.

[cybermember]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

I think it is a matter too of keeping myself occupied or rather my mind occupied. I played around in the PC Arcade for a while and had no stress or worries while playing the games. I think my problem is I sit and think things through too much.

The few deep breaths I could take (the recent change in weather is triggering my asthma lately) relaxed me too. I just need to keep my mind off the matter until it's time to face it.

Sound personal advice. Insight goes a long way.

[avlady]

i'm too depressed sometimes even to breath right-what's wrong with me?