Coping with being someone else..

vmsmith · Jul 21, 2014 at 05:50 PM

Where to start...
I am new to this, I am 40 years old and was diagnosed just 2 years ago; initially with bipolar disorder and later with schizoaffective disorder. It has only been in the last 9 months or so that we have found the right mix/dosage of meds to keep me stable (stable is a relative term, mind you).

So here is what I am dealing with.
Without going into specifics about my delusions and hallucinations... before I came to terms with being ill, I had knew exactly who I was and had a distinct purpose in life. I knew my destiny and I was comfortable with it.
Now, I don't know who I am. All that I was, the way I lived my life, it was all based on a delusion. Even some relationships, those connections were based on the same delusion.

So now here I am! Nothing. No idea who I am or where to start. I have 2 kids at home, and I live for them but I feel... I don't know... lost. The delusion makes more sense than real life.

Any feedback is welcome!

worthit · Jul 22, 2014 at 04:40 PM

I think you are making yourself sicker by simply getting a diagnosis. Think of it as a physical disorder just like diabetes or a heart disease. You are the same person as everyone knows you to be. I had to go through the whole new identity crises the same as you. You are the same mother with a certain illness.

vmsmith · Jul 22, 2014 at 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by worthit

You are the same mother with a certain illness.

Father!

I know I am the same person... but I spent years under these delusions and basing my life on them. Now that the fog of delusion has cleared, I am faced with real life.

Sometimes psychotic · Jul 22, 2014 at 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vmsmith

Father!

I know I am the same person... but I spent years under these delusions and basing my life on them. Now that the fog of delusion has cleared, I am faced with real life.

Have you tried any sort of therapy? Just getting psychosis can be enough to cause PTSD symptoms in some people...I honestly think therapy should be offered to everyone standardly....I know it helped me immensely....

Rand. · Jul 23, 2014 at 09:07 AM

I just wanted to say I really get where you're coming from. My whole self worth and beliefs about the world and who I was and really everything my life was about was all standing on what ended up being delusions. Then that all got ripped out from under me and it's like I have nothing left to stand on. I don't really have any advice besides perhaps talking to a therapist about this like Sometimes mentioned.

Oct 29, 2014 at 08:39 PM

My heart goes out to you. I feel the same way. I am totally lost and not quite sure how people "do" life. The only life I've known has been based on delusions and hallucinations. I was very into basing every decision I made on these delusions and hallucinations under the belief that I was somehow getting messages from a spiritual source. When I say I made every decision this way I do mean EVERY decision. Now, I realize that most of that wasn't real. I'm not quite sure what to do with reality. I guess that I don't have any real advice. Therapy has helped me a lot though. However, I still have a long way to go.

rumishams · Dec 03, 2014 at 10:53 PM

thank you for bringing this up, the thoughts in the original post and subsequent replies have been helpful.

i was recently diagnosed and the more my meds work, the easier it becomes to see that much of my life and choices were also based on delusions.

i hope it gets easier and that i can forgive myself and move forward. i also don't know how to do life or what a normal person's normal day consists of, i've been this way for so long.

worthit · Dec 04, 2014 at 11:21 AM

I waited decades to get help. I'm used to hallucinations and voices. So, I now understand these things aren't normal. And they are part of my illness. Medication and therapy have helped a lot and ,since I've been so many years this way, I have a long way to go.

hexacoda · Dec 06, 2014 at 04:47 PM

I think over time I forgave myself if only because, what else could I do? I couldn't go back and change what I did. I was sick and didn't do these things maliciously. I'm really disappointed about the opportunity I lost because of my psychosis but there's nothing to do but move on.

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worthit Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Ca Posts: 3,162 11	Jul 22, 2014 at 04:40 PM #2 I think you are making yourself sicker by simply getting a diagnosis. Think of it as a physical disorder just like diabetes or a heart disease. You are the same person as everyone knows you to be. I had to go through the whole new identity crises the same as you. You are the same mother with a certain illness.
	Reply With Quote

worthit Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Ca Posts: 3,162 11	Dec 04, 2014 at 11:21 AM #8 I waited decades to get help. I'm used to hallucinations and voices. So, I now understand these things aren't normal. And they are part of my illness. Medication and therapy have helped a lot and ,since I've been so many years this way, I have a long way to go.
	Reply With Quote

hexacoda Member Member Since Sep 2012 Posts: 152 11 1 hugs given	Dec 06, 2014 at 04:47 PM #9 I think over time I forgave myself if only because, what else could I do? I couldn't go back and change what I did. I was sick and didn't do these things maliciously. I'm really disappointed about the opportunity I lost because of my psychosis but there's nothing to do but move on.
	Reply With Quote