[jaynedough]

I'm really having a hard time right now. I don't play well with others and got really stressed out about family stopping by for a few hours Sunday. I'm always afraid I'm going to be judged, even though my cousin is one of the nicest people I know. As always, the voices started up almost as soon as they left. They've been beating me down ever since. Now I'm so depressed that I don't know what to do. I've been crying alot. Binge eating junk food. Only got out of bed today to feed and walk the dog and to eat. I am having more grief issues now than I've had in a long time. Having flashbacks to my parents' deaths, as well as my last dog's death. Also body flashbacks, where I feel something bad that happened a long time ago. My brain is playing every dumb/mean/embarrassing thing I've ever done. I get caught up in the memories. I keep getting the thought, "I have to die" in my head. It's not a suicide thing; the thought just keeps popping in to my head. I think I might be in Hell.

[bipolar_militarywyf]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

I'm really having a hard time right now. I don't play well with others and got really stressed out about family stopping by for a few hours Sunday. I'm always afraid I'm going to be judged, even though my cousin is one of the nicest people I know. As always, the voices started up almost as soon as they left. They've been beating me down ever since. Now I'm so depressed that I don't know what to do. I've been crying alot. Binge eating junk food. Only got out of bed today to feed and walk the dog and to eat. I am having more grief issues now than I've had in a long time. Having flashbacks to my parents' deaths, as well as my last dog's death. Also body flashbacks, where I feel something bad that happened a long time ago. My brain is playing every dumb/mean/embarrassing thing I've ever done. I get caught up in the memories. I keep getting the thought, "I have to die" in my head. It's not a suicide thing; the thought just keeps popping in to my head. I think I might be in Hell.

this sounds a lot like me. I binge eat out of depression. I don't want to get out of bed but have to to walk my pooch. I am always embarrassed to tell others what is going on in my life which is why i started a blog to release a little https://randaperry.wordpress.com and I am on twitter as well talking to others to try to clear my head twitter.com/bipolar_milwyf feel free to add me as a friend and follow my blog and me on twitter.

[Secretum]

Stay strong, Jayne. It will get better. Losing your parents must be a very traumatic experience. Allow yourself to grieve. And don't make too many demands on yourself. Be gentle. "You are a child of the universe, no less so than the stars in the sky".

Life is hellish now, but it will get better. I know you don't believe me, but it will. Keep holding on.