[dillpickle1983]

So the last few weeks I have been struggling with depression, mood swings and now voices again. I'm taking my meds as prescribed and I've only missed one dose in the last week. The depression has been getting severe, and the mood swings are getting more frequent. Now I am dealing with voices that are telling me to do stuff. I am able to look past most of them, and none of the "commands" are to harm myself or others, but they are still disturbing.

I am hearing my mother's voice, and my mom passed a decade ago. I hear my grandfather's voice and he died 8 years ago. I am also hearing screaming that comes and goes. I just moved into a new place with my best friend, and although I have told him of my illness, I don't think he really understands. He might, I just don't know. The voices are just so loud. I missed my PDoc appointment earlier this month, and they won't reschedule me for another appointment. I have to go sit there all day and hope I can be squeezed in to see her or her physician assistant. Which I think is udder bull crap. But that is their policy. I don't have the time or energy to go sit there all day.

I love my PDoc and I totally trust her. I am not hospital material or even Crisis Residential Unit material yet and I don't want to be. I am on an Abilify Injection, Seroquel at night and Lamictal and Zonegran as mood stabilizers during the day. The Abilify Injection is supposed to last a month, but for me maybe 2 weeks. Maybe. I don't know. I'm starting to hate life and all that is included with it. My family just went on a cruise last week but for the 5th time I wasn't invited. It makes me sad. Plus the "cloud" is back and we just got a foot and a half of snow on Thursday making me hibernate even more. I hate the cold, but I live in the frozen tundra.

I work at the local state police barracks. There are many guns and tasers and other weapons within easy reach. The voices have sometimes told me to grab one and just play with it. Thankfully I know that would not be a good idea. Not at all. I'm a janitor. So I don't work for the state, but an outside company. I work for a supported employment agency which in theory is supposed to understand and allow me to take days or however long off that I need to recover. So we'll see about that.

Sorry for the long rant. I had to unload.

[insilence]

voices are stoppable, three methods..meds, mental focus and movement, external blocks. read my other threads, good luck!

Hey man, sorry to hear youre going through a rough patch and even while youre taking medication as prescribed. Good for you for ignoring the dumb things these voices suggest. I have been also combating voices lately. Idk, youre not alone man! Get outta youre head, go out for coffee or somethin! Take care dillpickle1983.

[dillpickle1983]

Thank You. I am trying.