[Aviza]

I try to live as normally as I can. I work but it's part time. I live in disabled subsidized housing with seniors. Now I'm trying to find love. But worry about the sz reveal.

I mean i have red flags divorced 3x, daughter lives with dad, son committed suicide. I don't know, but if they even get past those it's a small miracle. Yet I'm still deciding to be pickier about who I date. But I don't want to end up alone.

I just shot down a guy who claimed to be really into me. Even after telling him most stuff. Minus dx but ssd. I wasn't into him, despite him being rich as he said. My thought was all I would care about is your money and he would want a prenup.

So I told him not interested in getting involved with someone who wants a prenup. His exwife took some money from him now he's bitter. Anyway, worried about the next guy.

Talking with one whose a better match on paper but worried about him knowing my truths. I really like him so far and am really hopeful but concerned.

[romantic rose]

Sorry to hear about your son. I can't imagine how you deal with the loss every day.. it must be very difficult.

Most people in my experience don't understand severe mental illness, you probably did the right thing. If you are lucky enough to find someone who understands they generally have to get to know you first, and even then when you tell them they won't see past the diagnosis. Being alone is not so bad. I feel it might be more helpful to work on why you don't want to be alone, and look at the positives in it. Am not saying you won't meet someone, but looking for it usually means it doesn't happen, it happens when you don't expect it anyway, if it does. I am single for life now and although I don't like being alone there is not alternative with the issues I have. But I can go where I want and do what I want, and visit who I want when I want.

That of course is just my view, but I think coming to terms with living and being alone is perhaps the best thing to do, whether you meet someone or not. It will also raise your own standards and not put up with any **** from anyone who is interested.

Best of luck with it all. Hugs. xx

[romantic rose]

Originally Posted by romantic rose

Sorry to hear about your son. I can't imagine how you deal with the loss every day.. it must be very difficult.

Most people in my experience don't understand severe mental illness, you probably did the right thing. If you are lucky enough to find someone who understands they generally have to get to know you first, and even then when you tell them they won't see past the diagnosis. Being alone is not so bad. I feel it might be more helpful to work on why you don't want to be alone, and look at the positives in it. Am not saying you won't meet someone, but looking for it usually means it doesn't happen, it happens when you don't expect it anyway, if it does. I am single for life now and although I don't like being alone there is not alternative with the issues I have. But I can go where I want and do what I want, and visit who I want when I want.

That of course is just my view, but I think coming to terms with living and being alone is perhaps the best thing to do, whether you meet someone or not. It will also raise your own standards and not put up with any **** from anyone who is interested.

Best of luck with it all. Hugs. xx

I am sorry I did not pick up on the last paragraph there for some reason. No idea why.

It's good that you've met someone. But remember that if it doesn't work out, it's not your fault and if they can't handle the diagnosis it's their issue. It's not something to be ashamed of, and if it puts them off then they are not worth getting upset over.

Best of luck.

[bpforever1]

I would initially just take it slowly and gauge the situation. If you think he can handle your current situation and status, then tell him details little by little. I told the current person I'm involved with about my illness the second time I met him in person. He accepts me as me. He is not perfect either so we complement each other. It takes time to build a rapport. I would not tell them all at once initially about your illness and situation. It may be too overwhelming.

[romantic rose]

Sorry, Aviza, I was feeling a bit crap the other day and that was not a helpful post at all, I shouldn't have transferred my mood onto your thread. Apologies to you.

[cptsdwhoa]

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much. I'm concerned about the "reveal" as well. If you are into meeting people online https://www.nolongerlonely.com/ might work for you. Perhaps meeting someone at a support group or something like that?

I was telling my Rebbetzin about my concerns because I do want to get married one day. What she said was so simple yet so profound. We all have our issues. I just have to remember that no one is perfect (that helps me ease up on myself and hope that a man would be interested if we're compatible). But yeah, I do still have concerns about how to bring it up. But honestly, I've seen friends and family with MI and other struggles still couple up so I'm optimistic.

[Fighter4ever]

Hi

I’ve just started dating a guy with schizophrenia...we’ve only been dating 2 months but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been

He has been stable 5 years...I’ve been stable-ish 2.5 months. It’s not easy but he’s stuck around so far

[Poppop22]

Originally Posted by cptsdwhoa

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much. I'm concerned about the "reveal" as well. If you are into meeting people online Welcome to Dating Throne might work for you. Perhaps meeting someone at a support group or something like that?

I was telling my Rebbetzin about my concerns because I do want to get married one day. What she said was so simple yet so profound. We all have our issues. I just have to remember that no one is perfect (that helps me ease up on myself and hope that a man would be interested if we're compatible). But yeah, I do still have concerns about how to bring it up. But honestly, I've seen friends and family with MI and other struggles still couple up so I'm optimistic.

Seems like everyone meets online these days!

Funny how technology makes things easier, but harder.

I feel like with all the easy access to dating it's got much easier to meet people, but at the same time the technology has convinced our young people that perfection is out there.

Just some input from an older person.

Aviza I would just worry about working on you first! Love yourself, then finding love will be easy.

[WastingAsparagus]

Yeah it's hard. Also, give yourself some compassion. First off, dating is hard. Second, you are dealing with mental health issues. So give yourself an extra break for both of those things. I find the less I concentrate on dating, the more things go naturally. I know it's kind of a strange thing to try to express, but the less I worry about it, perhaps, the more things flow. That said, I haven't really been able to have a steady relationship ever. Also, I'm not opposed to the idea of being alone later in life, though I know you expressed the desire to be with someone. About revealing the diagnosis--don't treat it as an obligation--treat it as something you will reveal to whomever you're dating at the right moment when you feel comfortable. You don't need to tell everything on the first date (or even the second, or third, or fourth, etc.) All you really need to do when you're just starting to date someone is to see if you have a connection or not. If so, great. If not, then move on. Funny how I can give dating advice but yet I've never had a real relationship.

[bpforever1]

I am going to meet my man again who lives in another country where I will live again soon. I told him basically all about my illness and repercussions from it. We are doing well and have known each other for two years now. I thought it would not work if it became long-distance but we are doing well. I am happy!!
He knows me well now. I am hoping to hear more of his problems but he is really manly and does not tell me his problems too much. However, we are doing well nevertheless. He is good to me and really nice.