[NOS-NOS]

Hi guys. I'm a little somber this evening. After a lifelong battle I finally got an accurate diagnosis about a month ago. I've realized that I spent my entire life chasing reality, one true reality. Over the course of this I've been thousands of iterations of myself. Of course, there are some things that remain unchanged, but I always find my mind looking for another way to make sense of things. Nowadays I get scared. Scared that one day I'll wake up and be someone else. Not myself. And that I'll never recover. It scares the living hell out of me, I'm crying right now and I'm not a cryer. It's just hard. I've been through so much, an ongoing mental battle and I hate it.

[WastingAsparagus]

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Really. It stinks to come to terms with an illness like schizoaffective.

I am still grappling with the illness myself. I feel like some days are better than others.

But really, I've had happy times. I hope you'll find what helps you.

[bpcyclist]

I am sorry you are struggling, NOS. I am not sure I totally follow whatyou are describing, but that is just me, I am sure. I hope you feel better soon.

[SlumberKitty]

Yes, the ongoing battle is wearying. HUGS Kit