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Brego
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Default May 22, 2021 at 01:09 PM
  #1
I am just going to state it: doctors are magicians. There are so many things/areas of which they have totally changed me. I'm just going to pick a few, and let it all be known how happy I am for them. They are wonderful just to behold and know.

1. I feel like I am beautiful now. I otherwise would think that I am on the lowest level of attractiveness. It was a complex growing up that I was just grotesque and on the lowest tier of any ranking of physicality. I am alright with my body. I hardly know how I ever even came up with this thing. It being so worked up in my mentality, I could hardly function without a "Please don't look at me" attitude. I was just shaming myself because I obviously had not the body anyone would want. And my face. It all sort of faded away, and I am comfortable.

2. I have a game of being worked up about music. Of course, I am not skilled at it because of the fact I didn't study it. But I actually love this stuff. I try to manipulate the situation of the voices/imagined people things and try to work around it because of the music. Before it was just on to have background noise.

3. I feel like I have my friends and family in my back pocket and I want to celebrate them. Don't know how to get worked up.

4. I want to chat, I just cannot seem to find a thing to say that is worth saying. Maybe they can tell me that anything is worth saying even if no one remembers it.

5. I feel like having feelings is one step away. A real one. A real feeling of love for one person or the other is right around the corner.

6. I feel like I'm not pushing the weight of the past down. It's just ending up being forgotten and I am comfortable with this. I am not bothered by the past that much. I can feel it slipping away from me.
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Default May 24, 2021 at 06:18 PM
  #2
Dear Brego,

Thanks for posting that. Doctors have helped me a lot. I wouldn't even be here without them. My English is not very good but I was able to understand very much of what you said and it make sense to me. You have a great ability to express things vividly.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Jun 15, 2021 at 10:11 PM
  #3
I believe I have more to add. I am becoming so comfortable with this illness that it is just going to pop out of me. I feel like I'm becoming so comfortable with it that it will seem like less and less every day. Then I will not seem to notice it. I'm one of the lucky ones. I'll just get in this drifting attitude of wanting to pass on through life. Once it happens I will savor those moments. Because it's so near to feel like this disorder is less on my plate, I can move on. And it's coming along every day. I believe that I have this gift with it. I think so but cannot seem to be able to comment on it. It's apparent that it wants to tease me. I think some of it is the worst insults I've ever heard. It's just blabbering on and I'm like, "According to what happened, you're trying to convince me of the dumbest **** on earth and it is just word salad coming out. And you trying to convince me of some of the dumbest things I've ever even fathomed could be said means you think I'm beyond dumb." So I know it's myself my brain malfunctioning because I think that may be a characteristic of myself.
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