[Restin]

At last I found a therapist who I could trust enough to go way deep into Transference where my inner child was abused (about 3 yrs old). As a child, I learned many wrong assumptions about relationships that's made me cold and schizoid. When T and I talk with the inner child present, we can go deep into my regression where I discover I accuse T of being a traitor and sadist just like my mother was. Then I realize that it isn't true now. My therapist is giving me the acceptance and non-judgment that someone can have from a good person in present life.

Tho this is terribly scary, it feels good to have my old paranoias and suspicions corrected by current reality. It's like turning a flashlight on in a dark room and finding the fragments one by one, being able to see what's wrong with them and fix them. This is exciting to have my mind change in such important ways. But this would never happen without the Transference going well, and T trustworthy.
I can see how I will get well now from my schizoid split and be able to relate to people with feeling instead of the old avoidance. I know that I have to face sadness in therapy, yet, but the success of where I've gotten now is just amazing. It gives me faith that I will also get through the grief part some way that isn't just re-traumatizing.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's awesome that you've found a T who sounds well equipped in helping you through these issues in a productive way.

[korilakkuma]

!!!!! I'm so happy for you !!!!!

[Simone70]

Such an encouraging post to read! I'm so happy for you Restin. I have long wanted to deal with my deep-seated issues in a transference focused therapy, but for one reason or another it has never happened. I applaud your bravery and willingness to do the deep work. It is no small thing and I hope you find much peace.