Invisibility

Thanks for the replies.
Rataddragon, I have read the article you mention, and a lot more beyond that. About 4 years ago a Pdoc diagnosed me with AvPD. But he was into a very alternative method of treatment for which I had no use, so he was no help. My current T took great pains to impression me that AvPD was not correct ( I understand now that she saw that I was more 'damaged' then that Dx would suggest). She opted for a diagnosis of BPD, which I tried like hell to get my mind around, even though it never really fit. Reading everything I could about that lead me to the info on SzPD. Very recently my T backed off from her original assessment, and I am just at the beginning of talking with her about what is really wrong. I am confident that she will be able to help me make some changes, but it is hard for anyone to do that if they are not seeing through the right 'lens'.

As for the process failing me, Ascension, although there is a lot to grieve, I can also see quite clearly how my own very schizoid self-sufficiency has kept anyone from even seeing how much trouble I was really in. I guess, although it was pretty horrific at the time, I am fortunate that I 'decompensated' about 4 years ago and have not allowed myself to fool myself into the usual 'functional is all I need to attain' mindset that had me leaving therapy so many times.

Thanks for listening. It really helps to have somewhere to discuss this stuff with people who know it from the inside!