My awful experience with counseling

Okay, so, on my dad's request, I went to see a counselor and I hated every minute of it. I didn't mention to him that I thought I may have spd, but answered all his questions. The problem was, I would get confused and try to explain and make it worse. Anyway, by the end I had him convinced that I'm a rebellious young adult with pessimism issues. I've never been good at communicating and it didn't help that he is a member of my church.
That first experience was the worst 30 minutes I have ever had to endure and to top it all off, his bill was $70! For WHAT?
I refused to go back, but my dad still wants me to do something about it. I think I am willing to try again though a free counseling service at my college, but I'm utterly terrified to try. I get as far as walking toward the door to the counseling center before changing my mind and direction.
I like being different, I just don't like the implications that come with it. I want to be alone, but I hate the loneliness. I'm frustrated, confused, and afraid to do anything about it.
I don't know what I'm looking for posting this here. Words of encouragement would be nice, but I don't know how effective they'd be. At this point, I'm desperate.

OK, I’m not trying to pin you down but I’m a little confused. In your first post here you said that your dad didn’t believe in counseling or anything of the sort so you were trying to fix your problems on your own. It was my impression from that first post that you might like some help with your problems but you weren’t going to look for it yourself because you dad wouldn’t like it.

Have things gotten worse for you, so that your dad requested that you see the counselor? Was he a religious counselor? You said that you had convinced him that you are a rebellious young adult with pessimism issues. Again, I’m confused. Were you trying to convince him of that? Or do you just think that was the impression you gave. Do you know for sure – by something he said or maybe wrote down as a clinical impression – that that is what he thought about you?

If you are a young adult then, definitely, it is your choice about whether or not you want counseling, for what, and with whom.

The counseling center at your college sounds like a wonderful place to start. Forget the counselor that you went to because of your dad. That doesn’t count, if you went because your dad wanted you to. Do you have any idea why you are so terrified to go into the student counseling center?

That, actually, might be a good thing to talk to a counselor about, once you get in there!!! I’m serious. You wrote:

Those sound like the issues that YOU want to address. And, as a young adult, you have both the right and the responsibility to do that for yourself.

My daughter has this personality. Maybe I can offer some words of encouragement? I'd also like to hear more about how you prefer to be treated as I'm trying to be the best parent for my daughter. Thanks!

When I was diagnosed I had to take this very long 500 question test. I'm still unsure about this diagnosis personally. I have an odd personality. I'm not shy, yet I'm very shy. I'm vaguely outgoing, but I also like to be left alone to do my own thing. I don't like to be loneley. I want friends, but I don't. I get up in front of 300 people and be in a play, make a speach, or sing and not feel self-concious.... It's weird.

In my experience, a therapist or psychologist who actually gives you a personality testing is better than one that just sits back and listens to you talk. I would rather have analysis than "and how does that make you feel?" I mean, you need that, too but you also need to know this person was actually trained and has an idea of the differen issues people might have.

Well, at first when I mentioned to him that I may have spd, I get the feeling that he didn't want to believe it. He said all this about how psychologists weren't real scientists and all they did was stick labels on people and put them on medication that makes their life a nightmare of dependency. That's his opinion of such doctors. However, when I showed him some of my research, he suggested a counselor that he knows very well and is a member of our church (not a religious counselor, it's only his profession). I agreed because, yes, I do want help, but my experience with this guy was anything but helpful.
As far as the convincing him I was a rebellious pessimist, that was sort of my fault. Maybe I expected too much. I didn't tell him I thought I had spd because I didn't know how he would take my "self-diagnosis." I simply answered all his questions.
The thing about me and questions, though, and the reason I hate conversations, is the fact that I mess up my words. I can't ever say what I mean because I'm always afraid of saying something wrong. I wasn't trying to come off as I did, but that's just the way it came out and just the way one question led to another and the more I tried, the more confused I got. Having to mask my frustration made it even worse. I don't know if that's what he wrote down at the end, but in any case he gave me a "homework" assignment on being optimistic. It was to find what bothered me and then justify it. Well, I tried, but found that I've always done that and it's one of the reasons I get frustrated with society.

I think I'm afraid of going into counseling for a couple reasons. First of all, it's a small community school and the faculty all know each other. My dad is on the faculty. Also, I'm a top student, honors program and everything. I don't want to spoil my reputation with something like this. To sum it up, I guess I'm not afraid, I'm just overly wary and expert at talking myself out of it each time I think about it. I tell myself I can handle it and maybe I can. It's only during times when it really hurts (at least twice a week on average), that I even consider going in and then I'm afraid to go. I don't know what to expect once I walk through that door and I need to know what to expect.