Coping Mechanism: Try To Be Alone

As a schizoid I would much rather be alone all the time but in my situation this is not practical so I grab a few hours to be alone and do something like walking the dog or just walk alone, get coffee among strangers (they don't seem to be a bother), go to a movie or the library, take a nap, go for a drive, or something (anything) else. The rest of the day is then more tolerable.

i am glad you have found a way to cope that works for you. i am fortunate that i live alone and agoraphobic so i am always alone. people just dont understand how i can be happy with all this solitude.

So, question is do you think that it is misleading for the mental health community (and the guardians of the DSM) to categorize people like us as being "mentally ill" when it really amounts to not just conforming to the norm?

I don't see it as being mentally Ill and that's why I don't even list it as a diagnosis anywhere. So I don't like being around people. What is the big deal? I don't see how the other criteria really impact my life all that much either. I don't see any of it as a detriment. I am happy with it the way it is.

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I've been curious regarding the ill vs. not-normal thing for a while.

In certain countries and cultures in the world, I'd wager "schizoid personalities" are just...personalities.

I often feel very resentful and angry toward society/culture (in US for me), as I feel the extremely-valued and pushed trait of extroversion disallows my living as functional and productive of a life as I possibly could, and at the same time is killing any diversity anchored in introversion in the country in general.

Example: The last job I held let me go after three very successful and productive years, having just promoted me a few months before to a different position, because my personality wasn't outgoing enough...as office tech support. On my approved unemployment filing paperwork, the reason for acceptance was actually officially filed saying something to the effect of "unreasonable to expect change in personality" ...It was a smaller business. They knew me in a very close working environment for years before for they gave me the position. They actually assumed I would just "be more outgoing." Oh, right, let me hit my lemming switch...sorry, one sec, hard to reach. . . . .

I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with this type of personality, speaking as a Mom who has a son who has always preferred solitude, seems content with virtual friendships, likes cats, and wants to earn a degree in Industrial Design. I don't see any problem here to solve.

I have probably been the biggest irritant in my son's world because I am the one who wanted closeness--to know what's going on in his head, to know him, to know that he's okay, to know his aspirations, likes, dislikes, thoughts, hopes, plans, whatever. I used to get confused and annoyed that he always turned down invitations to go out to dinner or lunch or a movie. I took it personally. I wondered why he hated me so much--I had always been on his side, I had always protected his freedom to discover who he is and what he likes, I had always defended his uniqueness, I had always encouraged him to find his path.

Now I understand, that when he calls me to talk about the cats, or to ask what type of mop head to buy to clean the grout on the kitchen floor, it is an opportunity to simply enjoy the sound of his voice and be glad that he is fine. I will never again make the mistake of using that phone call as an opportunity to dig into his head and heart. That is what he hates! Not me. He only hates the intrusion into his privacy. He's fine. That's all I need to know.

Now I understand why he didn't express much of anything in response to the dolphin experience at Sea World, and why he chose to stay in the van much of the time we spent in Yellowstone. It all makes perfect sense now! It's just how his brain is, it's just how he's wired, and there's nothing sad or bad or wrong about it!

A coping mechanism which I have more or less discovered is being able to project an image of myself as a public employee. Since I'll be joining a government agency in the future, I want to show to my prospective employers that I am incorruptible, having a strong sense of integrity as well as ethics. I want to deal with clients equally and fairly, as well as with candor. As long as my desire to serve the general public takes precedence over other priorities (personal, family), I guess you could say that my SPD would be mitigated.

I'm glad you are happy with it.

I'm not and that's maybe why I'm not a real schizoid?

I'm not happy with it not due to cultural expectations, just simply I feel I need to relate to people at least in an indirect way. Let me explain. I am not happy just sitting at home and vegetating. I like to do things beyond just vegetating. And doing things to me means I have to relate to people at least in that indirect way.

And if this requires being around people then I have a problem because I may not feel comfortable around them. Whether I feel comfortable usually depends on whether I have a goal or task to focus on. If I do have that then I am ok, though there was a time when I was not feeling any good even then.

If I temporarily don't have a task or goal to focus on, I'll still be ok if people are including me in their stuff in an enjoyable way, if they do not do this, I feel very uncomfortable and have to leave.

Currently my problem beyond that is that I'm too isolated and I somehow ran out of projects to focus on. Essentially, it's a conflict between my desire for achievement that requires being around people and between my dread of being around people.