Avoid and Need..How do you handle relationships?

I am not diagnosed SPD but I still find so much identification in this term "SPD"
relationships always have been difficult to me. I can hardly handle nearness, intimate connection.
Somehow I need a counterpart, friendships (friendships are rather possible) and just people to talk to, but eventually I am running back again to my solitude. I need my lonesomeness and sooner or later I am going to seek it. it´s like a resting place to me.
The last thing I want is to break someones heart by just running away one day,
so that´s one reason for I am avoiding relationships, especially parships even before they are capable to become growing,..
sometimes I think, when someone shows serious interest in me or even feelings for me,...I think something like: please, take care of yourself!!! don´t become the next "victim".don´t let me hurt you... this maybe sounds cruel, I know, but thats how it is...

I would like to know how others -those who find identification in SPD, too- live and see relationships and how you handle this difficulty between avoiding and needing.

The wonder of Psych Central is you can be in virtual relationships in this world without the complications in the other world when I log out of my computer. There can be closeness without physical contact and their can be distance by logging out for the night. You can hover in the forum just reading other posts without saying a word.
So this is how you can create a virtual and non virtual world that gives you what you crave in terms of human friendship without the intimidating and scary aspects of a person being dependent on you or wanting you. You can be distant and close - everything is under your control in one sense.

It also overrides the fear that you will just make another victim by withdrawing. There are fewer rules and expectations here. People just disappear and appear again. It is less burdensome.

Here is an article on symptom of SPD. It suggests therapy as a way out.
Schizoid Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

Thnx CANDC. read the article. It confirms my suggest. I can´t find any other term, describing my issues more apposite

I've found that playing online games helps a lot. I can have human interaction on my terms (like if I need to get solitude, it's easy I just log off). It also lets me keep a good distance from people. So yeah, I usually play a game and join a guild. I can be as social or non-social as I need at that time pretty well.

yes, online variety offers many opportunities interacting with people without becoming sick

Personally I have my puppy, one friend in another state whom I text, I see my dad & brother about once a week, and live with my mom. And that's pretty much it. Before this I lived in the forest alone.
My puppy is my best friend. He follows me everywhere. (:
I'm not sure quite what to say in terms of advice. I do get lonely but I also love being alone and on the outskirts of the world looking in. I'm learning to accept this about myself.
Best of luck to you. <3

thank you..
the outskirts, thats where I feel to live, though I physically live in the middle of a big city..in the middle on the outskirts looking in sounds strange but so it is.
learning to accept the way I am is a powerful thing to be I guess. It turnes out to be some kind of key to my personal fortune...