More on Infatuation

I think the reason that an SPD can and will be infatuated with someone is because he/she believes (perhaps subconsciously) that "normal" people should pursue the opposite sex in the normal course of human events. But for me as an SPD my infatuation cannot progress to the next stage of love because my SPD is rejecting the associated constant contact with the love object and I feel anxiety. So I eventually sabotage or terminate the relationship. Thus the SPD person in the infatuation stage seeks to be like the larger population and temporarily is possessing two different personality constructs simultaneously (the normality seeker and the SPD), until the infatuation ceases.

Are you saying that you desire to have a relationship with someone?

I am saying that our personalities are not integrated, so upon exposure to the "target" person, the normal part of me would want a relationship because of what the culture tells us are the rewards (being not alone, sex, etc). But if the relationship begins,upon longer term exposure to it, the SPD portion of me (which is the biggest and most powerful part) takes over and finds the relationship repellant and anxiety-producing, so the exit strategy (which can be difficult and painful) is executed, leaving the SPD person alone again, feeling better.

I think I hear exactly what you are saying. I think anyways! I have only really had one relationship (because i felt i ought to) and to be fair i stayed with it for 2-3 years and moved in with him... but as soon as more was required of me i panicked. I couldn't say i loved him back and i became more and more anxious and pushed him away and in the end i walked away and turns out it was best for both of us. I... cared for him... possibly more than care for average people i meet (which is to say not enough). I don't know what I wanted from a relationship but it wasn't what i got.

Okay, that is a good comment. I think the important thing is to feel okay about it. Such a thing is part of the SPD landscape. We can still be very happy people once we understand the framework and boundaries of our SPD. Good Luck!

Uh I may not actually be SPD but that's not how it works for me. I turned SPD-like when I was 18, though I was always a pretty detached person. I was able to have some really superficial crushes before that, afterwards something really went wrong. I just couldn't connect with anyone.

Except once when I was somehow made actually feel something. I was not anxious about it, it was very nice, but it didn't last long because I thought there was no future for us. When I say it didn't last long, think of seconds, lol.

Anyway, it was not because I wanted to be like the larger population, that applies more to my recent idea of how I should develop friendships but it's also because I used to have friendships alright before I turned 18...

So your theory sounds interesting but do you have any idea why there is anxiety generated by constant contact with the love object?

I don't actually have that, no infatuation and no anxiety either, I just feel so disconnected from emotions in most relationships I've tried. Because yeah I did try to have some romantic relationships, it just seemed pointless with me being this way.

I'll clarify: I used to have anxiety in some relationships I tried a long time ago but I did not have much infatuation along with it! :|