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SoScorpio
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Member Since Oct 2015
Location: Denver
Posts: 198
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Confused Oct 23, 2015 at 10:02 AM
  #1
But that doesn't make sense to me. I know you can't put too much stock in these quizzes, but the thing is, they're pretty spot on about everything else. They all rate me as having anxiety, OCPD, low self-esteem, paranoia, and dependency issues. But if they include a schizoid scale, that one is always high for me too. In fact the last one I took it was my highest score, 75% compared to the average result of 40%.

But when I read the description of schizoid personality disorder, it doesn't sound like me at all. So I'm trying to figure out if I just don't notice because I think it's normal, or if the tests are wrong -- and more importantly, if I'm not schizoid, what makes the tests think I am, and what do those symptoms *really* indicate?

The lack of close relationships I do have, to an extent. Except that I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, most of which we've lived together. But "friends"... I have none. I have my boyfriend, our roommate (who started as a friend but I don't feel I can confide in, due to her schizophrenia and my social anxiety), and people I work with. I haven't had any real friends since I left high school. I had a falling out with my best friend from high school not a year after we graduated, and since then, haven't been close to anyone aside from boyfriends.
But here's the thing: I WANT to. And that doesn't seem to describe someone with schizoid personality disorder. I WANT to have friends, the fact that I don't has been the single most consistent and distressing factor in my life since I became an adult. I desperately want someone besides my boyfriend who I can be open with, talk about my relationship with, and of course just hang out and have fun with. Any time I've gotten close to considering someone a friend, I end up changing my mind because it seems to me that they don't want to be my friend, usually because they don't want to be as open as I do. I share everything. There's not a radical thought, embarrassing moment, or crazy dream that I haven't shared with at least one person.

I prefer to work alone, but in my free time I like to be around people. I'm pretty sure I like to work alone because of my OCPD; it leaves me free to do things MY way.
I also don't think I fit the description of not displaying emotions. I suppose I'd have to ask someone who doesn't see me every day to know for sure, but in general people tell me I'm very easy to read. When I'm excited, it shows. When I'm stressed, it shows. And I'm even told that my voice range changes almost too radically based on my emotions. When I'm excited, my boyfriend often has to remind me to lower my voice.
And I have trouble controlling my emotions, which obviously says that I *have* and am aware of having emotions.

With all that being true, I just don't see why these tests think I'm schizoid. Yes, I have an abnormal lack of close relationships. But it's not for lack of desire.

This doesn't sound like schizoid to you does it? Do you think the tests are just misinterpreting my responses about my social life? I know there are some questions about whether you want to be around people, whether you get lonely, etc. and my answers on those don't seem to suggest that I'm antisocial/asocial, so where are the tests getting this from?
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