Mental health quizzes say I have schizoid PD

But that doesn't make sense to me. I know you can't put too much stock in these quizzes, but the thing is, they're pretty spot on about everything else. They all rate me as having anxiety, OCPD, low self-esteem, paranoia, and dependency issues. But if they include a schizoid scale, that one is always high for me too. In fact the last one I took it was my highest score, 75% compared to the average result of 40%.

But when I read the description of schizoid personality disorder, it doesn't sound like me at all. So I'm trying to figure out if I just don't notice because I think it's normal, or if the tests are wrong -- and more importantly, if I'm not schizoid, what makes the tests think I am, and what do those symptoms *really* indicate?

The lack of close relationships I do have, to an extent. Except that I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, most of which we've lived together. But "friends"... I have none. I have my boyfriend, our roommate (who started as a friend but I don't feel I can confide in, due to her schizophrenia and my social anxiety), and people I work with. I haven't had any real friends since I left high school. I had a falling out with my best friend from high school not a year after we graduated, and since then, haven't been close to anyone aside from boyfriends.
But here's the thing: I WANT to. And that doesn't seem to describe someone with schizoid personality disorder. I WANT to have friends, the fact that I don't has been the single most consistent and distressing factor in my life since I became an adult. I desperately want someone besides my boyfriend who I can be open with, talk about my relationship with, and of course just hang out and have fun with. Any time I've gotten close to considering someone a friend, I end up changing my mind because it seems to me that they don't want to be my friend, usually because they don't want to be as open as I do. I share everything. There's not a radical thought, embarrassing moment, or crazy dream that I haven't shared with at least one person.

I prefer to work alone, but in my free time I like to be around people. I'm pretty sure I like to work alone because of my OCPD; it leaves me free to do things MY way.
I also don't think I fit the description of not displaying emotions. I suppose I'd have to ask someone who doesn't see me every day to know for sure, but in general people tell me I'm very easy to read. When I'm excited, it shows. When I'm stressed, it shows. And I'm even told that my voice range changes almost too radically based on my emotions. When I'm excited, my boyfriend often has to remind me to lower my voice.
And I have trouble controlling my emotions, which obviously says that I *have* and am aware of having emotions.

With all that being true, I just don't see why these tests think I'm schizoid. Yes, I have an abnormal lack of close relationships. But it's not for lack of desire.

This doesn't sound like schizoid to you does it? Do you think the tests are just misinterpreting my responses about my social life? I know there are some questions about whether you want to be around people, whether you get lonely, etc. and my answers on those don't seem to suggest that I'm antisocial/asocial, so where are the tests getting this from?

Yeah, I think the quizzes are wrong. They're just quizzes. I wouldn't put to much stock into them.

If the shoe don't fit, don't buy it!

I have been researching SPD lately and what I have been reading is that not only is it hard for a therapist to diagnose SPD but even the patient won't believe they are schizoid. It has something to do with fact that the schizoid has a rich inner world they don't let others in on, but often times when it comes to dealing with other people they are able to act normal. It is, however, just an act. The schizoid person is said to be able to fake any personality they want, but they never really are that it is just an act as are their interest in others. The schizoid isn't always a loner like some think, some don't like being lonely so they may develop "close" relationships with a person but they are superficial because the schizoid person never fully discloses their true self. So you could say they use others simply to fill that void, many schizoids would love to have a deep and meaningful relationship but it is elusive because the other people never seem to be able feel like they truly know the schizoid person the way they believe the schizoid person knows them. The schizoid person is just not interested in getting emotional with other people. In a way they mimic others, so if they are expected to show interest or empathy they show it, but they don't truly feel it. The schizoid person realm doesn't need people though, not like others if anyone can live as a hermit it is a schizoid.

I just stumbled upon a great website on here under the personality place sticky's thread called selfinexhile. It really clarified a lot for me, maybe it can help you.

Oh boy. Sorry I didn't see this sooner, I thought I'd get e-mails about other responses. What you said confuses me more than ever, ablankscript. Let me see if I can untangle this...
This both does and doesn't seem like me. I am really good at adapting to different social groups. When I was a kid, adults often thought I was older than I was, because I was able to mimic the way they spoke. I always just figured that was because my parents never did baby-talk to me. But it happens all the time. I start to talk like the people I hang out with. I match my speaking style to the people I'm around.
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I only "act" because I want to be accepted, which obviously means I have a genuine interest in people, right? I try to be like them because I want to be closer to them. I think.
What you say here about how people feel about a schizoid person, that's how I feel about EVERYONE. It's somehow reversed. I want to have meaningful relationships, but I don't feel that others are willing to disclose as much of themselves as I want, as I would. Sometimes I think this goes back to a specific trauma I suffered, being abandoned by my best friend after telling her her boyfriend had cheated on her. For some time before that I'd sensed that I shared much more of myself than she shared with me, and it bothered me. But we had been best friends for years, and I thought when I told her about her boyfriend, she would ditch him and lean on me for support. That's not to say that's why I did it, that I was trying to drive a wedge between them. I just thought that if she stayed with him she'd end up in denial, which I knew she was prone to, and that hearing proof that he'd cheated would snap her out of that denial, and I'd help her through it, like friends do. Instead she held to her denial more firmly and stopped talking to me. Ever since then I've felt like no one wants to open themselves up enough to be my friend, to share the things that I want to share. I feel like I gave everything I had in that friendship, and was rewarded with pain.
So maybe what happened made me act like a shizoid. But if I wasn't always this way, does that mean I'm not really schizoid?
Interestingly though, what you say about faking empathy, I can relate to, but only on a professional level. I hate working customer service, because I really DON'T care how this customer's day was. They are the hardest part of my job and as far as I'm concerned, a job where you have no customers is the best kind. I have had to learn to fake the polite voice, the smile, the interest in their mundane lives. But that's only with strangers. These are not people I would ever want as friends, nor would it be a possibility, in most cases, even if I did. But the people I work or live with, spend any amount of time with that isn't defined by the roles of employee and customer, I care about. I feel like my coworkers are my "friends", even if we never see each other outside of work. I guess I just feel like, whenever I do have a coworker I would like to be friends with outside of work, that they wouldn't want to, or that they already have a full life and social network, and I don't fit in.
This above all makes me think I can't be schizoid... I do need people. Though I sometimes idealize the life of a hermit, and sometimes used to seriously consider living that way, I discover in times of isolation that it drives me crazy. I do need people, and I do wish I had a stronger connection with anyone besides my boyfriend.

I'm so confused.

Ablankscript a lot of what you say sounds a lot like specifically the secret schizoid which is a bit different from The more classic overt schizoid. Scorpio, have you read the Wikipedia page for SPD? It gives a really good description of it both overt and covert schizoids.

There is a paper I have that goes in depth. I wouldn't mind trying to find it if you are interested.

Sent from my SM-N920W8 using Tapatalk

A few thoughts... I'll either clear things up for you or confuse you more; let's see which!

I mirror whoever I am around in both personality and speech patterns. In fact, I go so far as to adopt accents within seconds. I have fit in as a guest at the White House and a crack house, Hollywood parties and homeless shelters. Wherever I go I am accepted as 'one of them'.

When I read this, I thought maybe I would respond. I have concluded that I 'act' because the consequences of being myself are more awkward and uncomfortable than not acting. Do I have a general interest in people? This is a difficult question for me to answer. I oscillate between deep feelings of compassion and contempt for others. I spend very little time in the middle.

You say that you want to be closer to people, and I understand this but for me, I think that I've concluded that it isn't going to happen. I act like them for the same reason that someone stocks shelves at Walmart graveyard shift - not because it is fulfilling, but because it is survival.

Nevertheless, I tend to treat everyone in the spirit of a line by Ram Dass who once said, "Right now I love you more than I've ever loved anyone; and I don't care if I ever see you again."

This is when I knew I would respond because I can really relate to this. Everyone wants intimacy, but few people know themselves well enough to share anything meaningful. Talking about <insert your favorite sports team here>, the Kardashians, and the political race doesn't tell me anything about YOU. Well, it sort of does, but it's shallow.

I am older than you, but I was once this way. In fact, I've probably find the exact same situation if I dug through the archives of my memory. Today, I have determined that people (usually) don't want to know or discuss anything that real. Well, at least anything real as it pertains to them directly.

In this case, I might bring up a circumstance where I suspected I was being cheated on in a real general way. That's not to say that I wouldn't be very open - I just mean I would mention it in a way that looked organic. Let's say I asked her to the movies and it just so happened that I picked a movie in which the hero of the story was being cheated on. After the movie, over coffee or something, I might confide that it happened to me once and go into detail about how it made me feel etc. At that point, she'll probably bring up her concerns because she feels safe doing so.

I hope this is making sense...I just re-injured my arm that is healing from recent surgery and the pain level is off the charts at the moment. It's messing with my head so if I'm not being clear, feel free to ask away.

Mundane. Can't tell you how many times I've used that word in this context. The fact is, for me, the whole interaction is fake - and I would rather not talk than to be fake. Creating a false dialog for a fake interaction where we both show fake regard for each other and our concerns...it's a lie. I'd rather not talk than to be disingenuous, but that's all they have to offer me.

Well, I have my wife and we are both best friends and inseparable. We've been this way for thirty years so I can't reasonably imagine what my needs would be if she wasn't there. We live together, work together and play together. There's not alot of time left to need others, you know?

Anyway, I hope there was something helpful in there.

I'm so confused.[/quote]

Oh boy, does this sound familiar. You know, you may be right... maybe I act more because I don't want people to dislike me. This sparked a memory. Once I was sitting in homeroom in middle school. I had recently gotten glasses, and was messing around with them. Somehow I discovered that the end of the earpiece could go straight into my ear canal, and reach further than a Q-tip. I don't remember what made me think of it or why I thought it was a good thing to do. Then I got bored of that, and started imitating the Hollywood portrayal of a writer, where they stick the end of the earpiece in their mouth while they're thinking. I didn't realize how odd these actions looked, especially in conjunction, until I heard a girl whispering about me, and stopped immediately. I suppose a lot of my "acting" is like that. I've just been doing it so long that maybe I don't always acknowledge the underlying desire I have, since I won't do it anyway.
So yeah, I've become aware that some things I do make people uncomfortable. And I hate being on the other side of it, so I try to avoid making people uncomfortable. I have some kind of super-sensitive-vicarious embarrassment. I don't like listening to prank call comedy, because I feel so embarrassed for the person being pranked. When my gluten-intolerant roommate asked a waiter if the potato bread had wheat, I thought I would die from embarrassment. I also hate people in general sometimes, but I find myself wondering if it's just because I've been alienated so long that I have to tell myself, "Fine, I didn't want to be your friend ANYWAY." It's hard to tell.

See that's what I'm saying though! I will tell you my deepest secret, if you ask. I like to talk about the "real me", the weird thoughts I have, my philosophy, my views on things, my deepest desires. But you can't just come out and say that stuff or you look terribly self-involved. And people rarely ask, so I assume they just don't care about me. I know when I'm having a conversation with a friend, I'd rather hear a story about a camping trip they went on when they were 12 than which TV star is hottest. But again, how do I let people know that's what I want, without seeming weird?

YES. I hate that we're both lying to each other, and I hate that it's hard to tell when that relationship changes. When a regular customer starts asking me about my hobbies and more personal stuff, I don't know what to think. I assume they're still just passing the time, and while it is easier for me to talk about than the weather, it makes me uncomfortable. Customers pretending they want anything from me besides their clothes, and me pretending I want anything from them but to get their money and be alone again, grates on me so much. I don't understand how some people make it look so easy. I simply can't fathom that some people actually LIKE making conversation with random strangers. My boyfriend, for instance, is a question mark to me when it comes to social interaction. He's what most people would call an ***. He doesn't care about strangers, just like me. He doesn't filter his criticisms for people he knows, whether it's me or the owner of our company. He has actually told an irate dry cleaning customer to "get the **** out", and didn't get in trouble. But what baffles me is that when he wants to, he can be so charming! Any customer who hasn't pissed him off loves him. He's known for being able to talk his way out of anything. I just don't get why, if he cares as little as me, he can fake caring so well. For a guy who looks like he'd rather be working at a truck stop, he can be incredibly professional. I suppose maybe his strength is that he doesn't care. It's just so frustrating to me that I desperately want to be liked, and always come off as awkward, while he doesn't really care if people like him, but manages to look like he does.
[/quote]
Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend almost 5 years and that's pretty much how we are. We don't have a social network, we've never been to a bar with anyone besides each other and his brother. (Since we've been together that is, he went to bars a lot more before we met.) I don't feel like our relationship is missing anything. I just feel like I'm missing another relationship. Just one other person I can talk to when he's being a ****, that I can tell about the random stuff I read online that he doesn't care about.

I have recently started talking to a friend again that I've known since we were 6. I'm pleased to find I still care about her, and when we talk it's almost just like the old days. But this is a relationship I've always had, even if it was on hold. I feel like something went wrong inside me after high school, because I haven't had a single fulfilling platonic relationship since then.

Well, you've given me enough to think I shouldn't discount the possibility that I'm schizoid. I wonder if that's why I sometimes feel like my schizophrenic roommate and I have a lot in common. I know they're not really related, but it's the same word, there must be some connection...

Maybe I'll discuss it with a therapist when I find one. Thanks for your input.

Now, I can't tell you what you are or are not. Having a fairly deep concern about how others perceive you is not typical for someone with SPD. The reason Schizoids are loners isn't usually anxiety driven (concerned others think they are weird is an anxiety) but because it's so points for them. There's no pleasure or even desire for other people. There may be occasionally one person they may have a sort of fondness for as a SO, or maybe a family member. But for the most part, they just plain and simple don't want or see the point of being social. The point is, the desire for social interactions is not there or is very limited and is not due to anxiety, low self esteem, depression, etc. They like being alone.

The other symptoms are things like anhedonia or a loss of pleasure, avolition or a loss of motivation, flat affect or little if any facial expressiveness. Praise or criticism is responded to with indifference as well.

These are all things that would be present most of the time to a notable degree.

Would any of these be relateable to you?

Sent from my SM-N920W8 using Tapatalk

I meant to say could be anxiety driven. May also be self esteem or shame or something else.

Sent from my SM-N920W8 using Tapatalk

Hmm. Yes and no again, I guess. As for being concerned what people think of me, I'm still trying to figure out my motivation there. I used to just think it was normal. Then I thought it was low self-esteem. Now I think it could be anxiety, some kind of avoidance thing. I just don't know.

But reading about classic SPD, you're probably right, it just doesn't sound like me. I don't know how to respond to praise, but I'm definitely not indifferent to criticism. And I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and my face. I don't think anyone would say I don't have facial expressiveness.

This "secret" schizoid profile though, sounds closer. I'm just not sure I understand my motivations for socializing. I do like being alone, to an extent. I don't like big parties, I'd rather stay home and watch a movie than go out and have to meet people. But if I'm alone for too long, I get pent up. I need someone to talk to. What I'm starting to question is why. Do I really have a normal need for socialization, or do I only want people around when I want something of them? I hate having conversations with strangers, usually. On the other hand, at my apartments there is an old man who sits outside on a folding chair in good weather and just talks to anyone who happens by. Sometimes people stop and talk to him for hours. I've considered talking to him too, out of pure curiosity and a desire to talk to someone who's different from me, and will have different stories and different views.
I guess you could say one of the main reasons I socialize is to figure people out. I want to know what makes someone tick. Some people actually consider me a bit nosy, I often have to disguise my attempts to figure someone out.
But again... does that mean I have a genuine interest in people, or just in puzzles?

....I think I'm Gregory House. Never could figure out if he really had a heart or not either.

It kinda sounds like you may simply be a strong introvert. Nothing disordered about that. It sounds like you would prefer a stimulating conversation with one person, especially if you know them. Maybe not all the time, but sometimes is nice.

Don't get me wrong, you may have some other stuff going on as well. I'm just not sure if it's SPD =)

You could be an INTx in myers Briggs. INTPs in particular can be quirky in their own right. They like puzzles and just figuring out whatever interests them. Maybe look up some INTP profiles (there are a few and they'll give different insights).
INTPs aren't the most common personality, so we can definitely feel like the odd one out. We process information and interact with the world differently than most.

Sent from my SM-N920W8 using Tapatalk

Yeah, I feel like I'm so close. Not SPD, but is there something almost like it? The pieces are there...
I've taken a few of the Myers-Briggs tests. Not the paid one because yeah... not going to spend money on that unless my therapist gives it to me during a session. But I did a few of the free ones to try to balance out the results, I always got INFP or INTJ I think it was, but I feel that I function much more on perceptions than rationalizations, which is what I think the "J", Judging, is for?
Yeah, looking at the overviews again, I'd say that INFP probably fits me best, I suck at my own relationships but am known for being able to watch a fight between other people and stop them and show them exactly where they went wrong and why they're mad at each other. And that's more about perception than logic, because people get mad because of what they perceive in what the other person said.
INTJ is a possibility but I'm not very good at sticking to things, or making decisions. I do plan the hell out of everything though, and have even considered being an architect, which is the nickname for INTJs apparently.

But whatever variations I get, I'm sure about the I and the F. My boyfriend on the other hand almost definitely has a T and a J, though he thinks all quizzes are pointless and refuses to honestly answer any of the ones I've tried to get him to do.

"Being a part of the Diplomat (NF) personality group, INFPs are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – INFPs are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments."
Definitely sounds like me. I guess I'm lucky really, because being a Scorpio, if my intent isn't pure, I can go down a really bad path really quickly. That's described as one of the struggles Scorpios always have, choosing purity of heart over practicality and rewards. It's just hard because it seems like no one else understands your intent, and assumes you have an ulterior motive. And sometimes you do. And sometimes it just gets tiring, fighting for "good" and "peace" and all those intangible things that everyone keeps trying to convince you aren't real.

Some argue that SPD people want it too. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizo...ality_disorder

There is. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy

Are you INTP?

I am an INTP, yeah.

INFP was my second guess for you, but I think it should have been my first. I must be getting rusty.

There is a correlation between INTPs and schizoid or schizotypal PD. INFPs are not always as different from their thinking counterparts as some assume, so it's not a stretch to say than an INFP could also have a likeness to the two PDs. I could go on to say why they are similar but not sure if it's helpful to here.

Some could argue that schizoids want friends, but... It does kinda go against the predominant symptom of not desiring close relationships. They really don't. If they do, they are possibly misdiagnosed. I know technically they don't have to have that but I'm not sure SPD would be a helpful dx if that were the case. But these are just a layman's opinion, I could be entirely off base here!

And like tiger said, schizoid and schizotypal are all on the schizophrenia spectrum.

Sent from my SM-N920W8 using Tapatalk

Hmm. I'm S>N. I'm sure on I, S and T overall. How common is that for schizoids?

I'm a layman too but the theory is apparently that schizoids still have that desire, just safely buried. But it can come out.

I am ISTP.

I'm told I have Avoidant, Dependant, and Schizoid PD. How's that for a fun mix? I do want relationships. Sort of. But with my 3 PD I don't know if that is my desire getting unearthed (schizoid) or not.