I think I might have SPD...

Uh hello there, this is my first post other than my introduction. I pretty much joined this website because I think I could have Schizoid Personality Disorder, which I think my dad also has. I was wondering if any of these symptoms could indicate I have SPD.

I was a fairly normal child growing up, although I had problems with my dad because he had no idea how to look after a child. This and his many other behaviours and symptoms have made me come to realise that my dad could very likely have SPD or another personality disorder, and I think I also have this disorder. About three years back when I was around twelve I started becoming more private and recluse like most teenagers are. However as the years went on I became more and more private, as well as extremely intolerant to people. I have a limited emotional range and have difficulty expressing my emotions properly, I always come across as moody with a never-smiling expression and a pessimistic outlook. I have no interest in being part of a family and do not like any of my family members. I have a small group of friends but don't have a strong emotional connection with any of them. I do like my friends and we get on, but I never miss them, never need to see them and can get irritated very quickly when we plan social events together. I can act very social when I want to, but the only reason I ever have to talk to people is for entertainment. Every day for me is cripplingly boring, the only relief I get is five minutes of watching the bad kids at school break rules or causing arguments to get a reaction. People have called me out because I am a very rude and apathetic person when I can't be asked to put on emotions, yet I'm indifferent to whether they call me an asshole or call me an interesting person. Whenever people talk about something I'm not interested in I'll be uninvolved and I'll just nod my head every so often, although when it's an interesting topic I can be quite opinionated and more responsive. I'm prone to irritability and occasional bouts of rage yet I don't usually act upon it, I can be quite passive when confronted but I do take enjoyment out of brief moments of arguing and violence. Even in tense situations where someone has been in an accident etc I'm always calm and more interested in the drama than the victim- I suppose that's down to my lack of empathy and sympathy. I hate small talk, especially when people just ask how I am. What's the point of the conversation? I don't need to talk to someone unless it's interesting, otherwise I will assume my usual emotionless demeanour. I am also an aromantic asexual, I don't think I have the capacity to be interested in people in any romantic or sexual way, I don't experience love and have never found people attractive. I told my mother about SPD and she is fairly sure that I have this disorder, it most certainly fits more than depression or anxiety. I am currently taking medication to help with my Obsessive Compulsive behaviours and I think I might see if I can get a diagnosis for SPD. I also tend to live in my head mostly, I'm fairly intelligent and I have a pretty decent imagination, so I daydream a lot to avoid talking. Usually I'll stay in my room as much as possible because I hate social interaction and not going outside helps with my OC behaviour and paranoia.

I wasn't sure if I could be Schizoid because I can be a sociable person when I want to be, I can talk to people and hold decent conversations and be engaging if I'm interested. Sometimes I can come across as quite friendly when I'm in a good mood, although my bad and normal moods have gotten me the reputation as a 'sociopath' because I'm not very emotive, empathetic, and my views can be extreme or rude without me realising. Do any other people with SPD experience this? Do I sound like I could have SPD because I'm about 50/50 on this? Thanks for reading.

You could have Schizoid pd or something else entirely. I like your plan of seeking a diagnosis. For my diagnosis, I took a test called the Millon; it identifies which personality disorder(s) you have. Hopefully you will be able to take that test.

I think it could be SPD or anti-social personality disorder. Even maybe a mixture of both. I say that because the enjoyment of arguments and violence and lack of empathy are much more anti-social than SPD.

I have SPD. I'm a recluse, I don't have many emotional bonds to people, I'm not overly close to family. But I love people. I'm just excessively shy. I don't bother with relationships because I don't think anyone would bother with me. I have a fear of intimacy too. But I'm a very compassionate and empathic person. Violence and arguments terrify me and make me want to hide. And I have experienced love on more than one occasion.

Granted, these are just my personal experiences and it may very person to person, but talk to the therapist about anti-social as well. You can have more than one personality disorder (like I do).

Be uniquely you, because you are a beautiful person regardless of whatever diagnosis you have.

Bipolar Type II with Psychotic Features
PTSD with Dissociative Features
Borderline Personality Disorder
ADD
Social Phobia
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Genderfluid