Do You Ever....

Just...really dislike people? And feel that way every day? I pretty much only socialize at work. I got rid of all my social media, so this place is the only website I socialize with online. And I'm on the fence as to whether I even want to stick around, or just disappear from cyberspace altogether. If I could move into a nice cabin in the mountains and disappear from society, I'd do that too. Working retail has made me like people even less. Having to force myself to attempt small talk, sell things, socialize....its painful. I love my co-workers and management. It's a great place to work. But I hate having to be a sales person and push myself to step out of my comfort zone and talk. Everyone loves me, I'm a highly valued worker...one member of management even offered to let me stay in her spare apartment if it meant keeping me from moving before the holidays. I just get tired of people....Even here, I feel like I say the wrong things even though I only have the best intentions. I don't know what's right or wrong on here, and posting causes me anxiety. Hence why I am on the fence about sticking around. I'm highly disenchanted with cyberspace right now. Offline, I'm extremely hesitant to share myself with anyone. No one at work really knows me, even though I've been there for over a year. I don't allow people to know me. Sharing myself and my thoughts causes me immense anxiety, and I'm simply too sensitive to handle criticism or a confrontation. So when something happens, I have the option of disappearing.

Nobody knows me at all...

Does that ever bother you, or are you completely okay with that?

I'm letting a couple of people get to know me. Slowly. Painfully. My social anxiety makes me back track 20 steps for every step I take.

I don't dislike people, I just cannot do a continuous interaction. Talking to people everyday is draining my energy. On going texting, long phone calls, having people around for hours, those things make me feel exhausted after that. I do have good friends, and when I was working, my colleagues liked me, so I think I don't have any problem to socialize.. I am not shy and anxious around people as well, I just love being alone. Anytime I am alone, whether I am doing things I like that makes me feel happy or contemplating my life that makes me feel depressed, whether I am happy or sad, being alone means recharging my self.