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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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Jun 25, 2018 at 04:42 AM
#1
Having this disorder is exhausting. There is some duality in this. I want to be alone, but I want to have friends. I am indifferent towards other people, but I suffer when I feel someone hates me.
And there are those times I need friends but I don't have them because I ran away. And this emptiness? Don't tell me about it! It feels like multiple layers between me and my true feelings. I am there, but I am not feeling it. If I completly lose myself I am capable of doing almost anything but it will be like it never happened. And I won't understand if I did it because I wanted or simply because I tricked myself into thinking that was what I wanted. |
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 Fuzzybear, kecanoe, pluscuamperfecto, Skeezyks, Yzen
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
(SuperPoster!)
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Jun 27, 2018 at 12:00 PM
#2
I was once given the MMPI to complete while I was participating in a partial hospital program. They never sat down with me & reviewed the results, which made me angry beyond words.
 They just stuck the report in a file & that was the end of it. (I'm convinced they just had me do it because they knew my health insurer would pay for it. I just love the mental health care system...)  I finally was able to get ahold of a copy of a summary sheet after jumping through about a half dozen hoops.  But, anyway, one of the things I recall it saying in the summary was that I had "schizoid thinking". I never did really understand what that meant.  However, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote here. So maybe that's it...  
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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| Fuzzybear, pluscuamperfecto
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