Schizoid and people

I feel identified when I read some things of what Schizoid is (Im not diagnosed).

I didnt like people, get bored with people, preffered spend time reading, etc.

But, at the same, I was fatasizing with find people "like me".

But I just didnt like the people I crossed with, even fi they were nice and friendly with me, I just couldnt stand be with that people.

Does this sounds Schizoid ?

But also, somehow, my personality was really twisted. Sometimes I just couldnt understand how to act. I liked certain people (mostly people older than me), and wanted to be with them, but didnt know how.

Now, Im pretty ok with people, I dont have troubles doing relationships. Still dont like most people in general and I think they are dumb and boring, but... I keep a conversation, but at some point they notice Im "strange", because I cant fake 100% that Im having fun or Im interested in the conversation, I mean, I dont have trouble showing how I really Im.

I want to be with people, but I just dont find people I like ! Can I be Schizoid ? Or Schizoid means "not wanting to be with people at all at any time never ever ever" ? . Some people say a Schizoid forum is a paradox, because why a Schizoid would like to talk with someone ? Is this really how this thing is ? To me, I repeat, is "wanting to be with people, but not liking most people, mostly because I find them uninteligent, or I dont like what they say, even if they are good people, and friendly".

Also I think my personality is quite... particular. Im quite "bitter" Ill describe.

In forums I see people being "too soft", "too emotional", and that kinda bothers me. Its like "damn, you are so soft", I dont want to talk with you.

In other forum, not this, a depression forum, someone messaged me using so much "soft" words, and full of emojis with happy faces. My style is more neutral, I mean, if we are in that forum, expect I feel terrible, my life is destroyed, and I live with no joy at all, the less i want to see are st€&%d emojis.

Hi ManDss,

I'm kind of in a similar situation I've been dx BPD in 2014 but for the past couple years I feel more schizoid. I hate most people, I have no desire for relationships other than with my current partner I've ghosted everyone I know except my mom, dad, and partner, I think most people are dumb and annoying and I can't work because I can't stand coworkers talking to me about their dumb thoughts and lives. I love being alone. I also like to watch people. I am very irritable at least 10 days a month. I don' t trust people and I get paranoid people are trying to damage my property.

But from what I'm reading it seems really hard to tell on your own if you have schizoid personality. I read schizoid personality doesn't really express feelings but I express anger pretty openly although so I'm not sure how many symptoms one would need to meet to fit the criteria.

I'm talking with a therapist but I think they're stupid and I lie to them about the things I think about because my thoughts are kind of messed up and then sometimes I think I'm not mentally ill at all so it's kind of weird. Anyway, I think you should talk to a therapist and you might think they are stupid too but it's better than trying to figure it out on your own because even if you did decide you have schizoid, you can't treat it by yourself.

And just come here when you're feeling like you need people other than a therapist to talk to about it.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

Hi, thanks for reply. I joined to the forum 2 just 2 weeks ago, and I made a whole bunch of different kinds of topics, and almost no one reply, its SO BORING ! I knew based in my previous experiences in forums that I shouldnt expect much of this, but always cant believe how "desertic" forums are. I open up and share my most deepest thoughts and strugles about life, and then... replies are short.

About a therapist, its not something I reaaaally need. I mean, would be nice and handy, but... would be just to have someone to talk, but I dont have problems to be resolved, at least psychiligically. My big problem now is money. Then... everything is ok.

I know I handle an odd personality, but... its like a matter of tastes. I like apple flavour and I dont like carrota, lets say... most peopie taste like carrots to me (hahaha).

Why you lie to your therapist ? I know some people do that but I dont get it. Long time ago I did some therapy sessions and I had no problem to tell everything in great details to my therapist. Actually, this is part of my "odd personality", I LOVE to tell to someone else, specially a psychologist (because handle this information with knowledge meaning have a bigger understanding depth) what I think in great details, its almost like a kink to me, I know sounds strange, in part is because I really have the need to tell to someone about the things have happened in my life.

In a way I can relate, but I will say that being hard (aka not using “soft words”) doesn’t often benefit OPs trying to get advice or support for their issues. Not saying you do this, but if a person shows no empathy for others and judges them as ‘lesser’ for having feelings, very few people would want them as friends.
Even Gordon Ramsey, who is paid to get angry and break other people’s spirit on tv, was concerned about this guy who was experiencing PTSD symptoms on his show.

Well, yea, I think are 2 extremes. Dont use soft words doesnt mean be a d%ck or something like that, jsut... be normal, in a... normal way. But I hate to cross with people overly nice and cheerful, that think a puppy can bring joy to my life. Its like... ok ok, cut down the sugar, life doesnt fix with hugs and roses.

Also... Im... hmmm. An example: I made a topic talking about all this day and someone said something like "please dont be hard on yourself" and I thought "what ? Hard on myself ? Im not hard on myself".

Its like some people on mental health forums think people with this kind of struggles put down themselves, think are not worthy, and have that kind of self steem problems.

I kinda "hate" people with those low self steem problems. Its like "ohhhh, come on! Thats your problem ?".

I know, Im kinda a d%ck. But its what I think. Thats why I say Im kinda bitter. But not too overly bitter or dark, some people just crossed a line and can sound so dumb (again, me being bitter again).

I have lot of standards, I know. Its hell !! Why I have to be so smart ! (laughs).

Most forums are pretty boring, I just came back here after a while off. There is another forum called psychforums.com that is a little more active in the PD area. Also, idk if I'll get in trouble for saying this but I like to read the AsPD forums when I'm bored especially on the other site they make me laugh. I don't have AsPD so I can't really contribute to the convo but I rarely like to talk to most people anyway so it's like being a fly on the wall.

I don't feel like therapy is helpful but I have to do it because I'm trying to get SSDI but I'm always on the verge of quitting because I feel like all therapists are exactly the same and it's a waste of time. If I could hold down a job I def wouldn't even be in therapy.

I lie to them because they all say the same thing over and over. For example, I told my therapist I really like to think about kidnapping people I hate then psychologically torturing them until they starve to death. I felt I had to be extra clear that I had no intentions of acting on these thoughts and the only thing she says is....well if you aren't going to act on them, then they're just thoughts and you're safe and you're so brave. Like omg gag me can't we even talk about the details?! She didn't even ask how much time I spend thinking about it, which is kind of obsessive sometimes.

Anyway, she says the same dang thing to everything I say, that I have to use DBT skills so I just lie and avoid telling her stuff and just tell her what she wants to hear. I have a new therapist starting this week and I'm sure she'll be just as cookie-cutter as the rest.

The majority of people are carrots BLANDDDDDDD! lol

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

Ah, lf its for a job I understand, I would lie too.

But the kidnapping thing... If that wasnt a lie, mmm... dont do it. Hehe, couldnt stop to tell you.

I would love if forums give me at least some laugh by reading posts of others, but frankly, just bores me , sooo much. I read topics, and I HATE people with "crazy problems", like "Im obsessed with a TV chatacter, what do i do ?" (Sorry if u have this, hope not). Its like "I deal with not having money, and your problems is a TV character ?". I know some people are just out of reality and should have empathy, but its like "well, he is out of reality ? Does have a cure ? No. Ok, next case".

Hope ur next therapist be better.

Lol I don't have that problem with TV characters but I get your point I get annoyed by certain complaints people have too, for example, the quiet BPD things really bugs me, I just want to be like congrats dude you don't break your stuff, yell at everyone, punch yourself, must be nice holding down that job for so long and not bothering everyone around you.

I think my BPD turned into Schizoid at this point though because I used to care what people think about me and I used to want friends, now I really don't care at all and I despise socializing in person. I don't have social anxiety at all I just don't care about other people that aren't my very closest family members but I avoid them too.

Maybe it is bitterness like you said or maybe it's a mental health issue I feel like we may never know because therapists only want you to use the skills they don't care if you feel better they just care that you don't bother other people.

I read that Schizoid PD is super rare so I think it would be pretty hard to get that diagnosis, in general, it seems most therapists don't have experience with it so they probably couldn't even recognize it if it slapped em in the face lol

I guess what I want to get out of therapy is help trying to find a job where people don't talk to me as much as possible. I need to find a way to get steady money because I'm hungry and can't afford food. My husband doesn't make much money so I try to save the food for him because he's bigger than me and he needs it more since he works. I'd rather have a house to live in than food on the table every day so our money goes to rent first and whatever is left over we use for food or get something from the food bank but I don't like to take a lot from the food bank because I know there are people who have it worse than me.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis