Disgusted (Vent)

A customer was very rude to me the other day. I am still so disgusted that I can't stand to even look at another human right now.

Whenever people decide to treat me like crap, my whole view of humanity turns extra dark. I am so disgusted by humanity right now thanks to one disrespectful loser because to me, that loser confirmed "they (people) are all the same" and "It's always only a matter of time (before they attempt to hurt you)".

I know that not everyone is a horrible person. I can think that all day long. But right now I feel like everyone is a horrible person, and I just want people and their potential toxicity to stay the heck away from me.

It just amazes me how people attempt to hurt people instead of either be neutral or show simple decency and respect. It's disgusting. Just be neutral! Be respectful! You don't need to be all extra friendly or whatever. You don't need to be friends with everyone you meet. Just be neutral and respectful! That's all you have to do!

I am just SO disgusted by people right now. I just want to be left alone so I can have peace.

I know how you feel. People are disgusting. They are also wonderful. The ambivalence is painful.

When I get triggered these days (not even sure 90% of the time what the trigger is), I have a lot of anger towards basically anyone and everyone. Anger towards the outside, disgust towards myself for my reaction. Also ambivalent. Sucks big time, but I think I need to get through that to maybe one day be able to shrug the anger off (and thus hopefully also not feel digusted at myself anymore).

Withdrawal is also my main defense. But then I am diagnosed with SPD, so that figures, I guess.

People should be polite and walk around with an unruffled attitude. I hate it when the don't. And then, every once in a while I act the same way. Because I have a bad day. That's super confusing to me, because now I really ought to judge myself as harshly as I feel towards them. These days, I try to remind myself I also have bad days, and that the world would be a smoother experience for sure if everyone were more neutral, but also if it/people/we were more fogiving. Like they say, you can only change yourself. Right?

By the way, if you are searching for a more active SPD community, try the r/schizoid subreddit. cheers.