[holder_of_the_dove]

i see all of you twisted gods, your twisted codes............i will fight you all till the end

[spiritual_emergency]

Hello holder_of_the_dove,
I've found it helpful at times to just take a few deep breaths and get centered within myself. Often, I think of Silence or what I sometimes call Kali at such times in combination with a bit of Tonglen practice.

More recently, someone shared that Green Tara Mantra video with me and I find that to be very calming and centering as well.

~ Namaste

[knossos13]

You don't need to fight twisted gods or interpret twisted codes, holder. Most people are neither for you nor against you, because they don't know you. Most language is very direct. Most occurrances of the perceived universe are of very limited relevance to you - the near infinite majority of events you currently perceive as 'code' are highly random and have 0% relevance to you.

Your words are expressing, I think, a thought-feeling I also have experienced in my own way. I was very certain at one time of the existence of gods & their evil, and my incorrect belief and reading of 'codes.' Please turn your skepticism of the world inward, and ask of yourself "Do I doubt my conclusions and convictions? Or do they rapidly change as the world moves?"

You are experiencing something like a very unpleasant acid-trip, and it is a temporary mind-brain state - your words suggest confused thoughts, and your feelings of rage are understandably bound with these thoughts.

Now is when it is most important to be holder of the dove - a force of peace, gentleness, and love for both for yourself and for the world. You will endure this time of confusion and these troubled thoughts will self-resolve when you are well. They will seem like a bad nightmare upon waking. You might at that point think "Why did I have that nightmare?" and try to understand its meaning. Its meaning is simply that our minds contain great power to think & imagine, even self-deceive. The world as it should be and has always been remains intact, despite our terrible encounter with this imagined reality.

But in this waking-nightmare, you still must please stay aware of the fact that you are experiencing a somewhat distorted real world in which actions provoke reactions and consequences: peace, gentleness, and love. Do not try to move mountains and fight the gods or interpret events as codes. Acknowledge these thoughts, suspicions, and even perceptions as fleeting, and observe them passively - a thought is of no consequence, only words and actions produce effects in the world.

If the nightmare world appears to respond to a positive thought, you must neither negate that experience as belonging to the nightmare, nor accept it as belonging to the real. Rather, let that pass as well.

You will get through this.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I want to know how you found out?

[Shoe]

Hi Holder_of_the_Dove,
I think that I might of went through something similar to what you seem to be going through now. I thought that I was trying to beat the devil. Almost everything that happened seemed to be a sign or symbol related to the contest. Later, when I got out of the hospital and started getting better, I told this friend of mine that I felt like I was trying to beat the devil during my last breakdown. He said something to me that really started to make sense the more I thought about it. He said that you can't beat the devil, you have to become partners with him. That doesn't mean that you give yourself over to evil by the way. I couldn't beat the devil because it was really an aspect of myself that I was trying to beat, an aspect that I was having much difficulty accepting. I thought that the battle was external during my breakdown but afterward I started to realize that the battle was really internal.
I believe this is what Jung labeled as owning our own shadow. S.E. is very knowledgeable with the Jungian view of psychosis and has posted Jung's model of the psyche here before.
I hope that this post has been of some help to you. Hang in there. Things can get better ~ Shoe

[(JD)]

May the source of true love wrap you in his arms and keep you safe.

[holder_of_the_dove]

sorry to everyone...i did have a psychotic break from smoking k-2, thank god i had a friend with me...that stupid sentence was only the tip of what was going on in my head...anyways, thank you all for the caring responses and understanding that something was wrong with me.....thank you.

(((((((holder_of_the_dove))))))))
I'm so glad you are feeling better.

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

I want to know how you found out?

I feel this is very inappropriate.

~Holder of the dove.....so glad you feel better.It's so hard not to be able to reach out and help someone......I think so many posted lovingly here on P.C......thanks~ melissa~,Shoe~,~J~D,&Knossos13~~~{{{{HOLDER}}}}}

That's a really weird pic you have there holder.