[SakuraLi]

hello all. ive been on this forum seeking advice about how to proceed with my schizophrenic bf. Ive been venting for the whole week he just stopped talking to me. the day before he stopped talking he sent me a nice email so i didnt know anything was wrong. well friday he emailed and was telling me about this "blockade" as he calls it that was preventing him from contacting me. and we talked saturday morning and he was sweet but he was at work so we didnt talk much. i love him so much and it tears me apart when he wont communicate anything till he`s at a really bad point after an episode. im pretty sure that so called blockade is an episode. and now i know without a doubt cant go through this anymore with him. its with so much sadness i`m going to give up. I just fearing what effect leaving might have on him. I hope for his sake he can move on quickly so he will suceed in his endeavors. Or I dont knowif its better to let him leave me. Is there any real way to leave him in a good way? any ideas? the ending of this relationship will be terrible 4 me on so many levels but at least me and my bf will have some form of peace.

[The Saint]

I could be wrong but for me the blockade is what it is a blockade.Sometimes I feel that good feelings if not blocked can turn to bad feelings.So when I feel a little love that's OK but if I let go and fall in love ,the intensity will come back in a negative completely unrelated way and crush what little is left.I think It's the feeling part of us that's so screwed up after living with the most terrifying thing on earth (schizophrenia and your mind).After learning to live with that and PTSD not much is left. It's not that we don't love we do,we do very much, much more than the average person but we have to put so much thought into keeping it in check. We fall kinda flat thinking so much so we can feel appropriate love with feet well planted on Tera firma.Don't think he doesn't care he's probably trying to hold it together and sometimes that means reorganizing.Reorganizing is a 24,7 ever changing mind set scrambled with ever changing emotion.I would be very careful breaking it off.Try to be very subtle double check his stability then slowly let go.He's making changes constantly so he's thought of this already and maybe trying to let go himself.Be kind let him make the move.

[SakuraLi]

Thanks for the helpful insights Saint, you`ve given some really good advice that helped explain a lot. I know my bf may be thinking about breaking up because he kindly, gently alluded to it months ago when he was having another blockade. But right before he got the blockade a week ago, I sent him an e-mail with what I thought was something kind and encouraging, i told him that I would love to start celebrating our anniversary. And he replied with great enthusiasm and love so I had no idea he was having problems till I didnt hear from him. But another question for you Saint, if my bf doesnt want to break up what can I do so he doesnt feel stressed? He already fears a conflict that he thinks is coming. Even the mildest difference of opinion I have with him he thinks is a conflict that seems insurrmountable from his eyes. I know Im not the most agreeable person sometimes but how can I help him relax? I fear my needs have never and will never get met in the relationship? Thats why i wan to leave. The only thing i want is stable guy, he can even be dirt poor with nothing and i would not care he just needs to be stable. I grew up with a mean, cold, unstable father. Every relationship Ive been in the guy was mentally and emotionally unhealthy. I seem to be attracting only those types of guys, they must sense all this disfunction and thing they will fit right in . how do i stop this cycle?

[The Saint]

Wow,big questions.I have a few answers but the last question will take awhile it's kind of simple yet complex.Schizophrenics have a very hard time relaxing.Dr's say abstain from alcohol I say ********! I suggest a few relaxed dinner and a movie things with a few drinks!(Everything in moderation).Don't push the love or sex or anything just RELAX ! If he still is edgy tell him whatever it is it can wait.Keep talk to a minimum and tell him this is our quiet time.This should help ease the tension for both of you.
When you say your needs are not being met you should be more specific. Schizophrenics are very complex and approach is key to understanding them.
Example:Sex. Sex can be very misunderstood by both parts of love and sex with schizophrenics.Most that I know keep these things separate so as not to be confused.
I have to say this about love.When this happens you will see us freak and run.We want all there is to have in being in love but the thing is love is complicated with ups and downs , peaks and valleys and that shakes us up so we have to regroup,restructure,rationalize.Instead of jumping in we slowly wade in to soak up the good stuff.

[phantomfox777]

Wow Saint. You have very good replies. I feel like you have just summed up everything I couldn't find the right words to say about to people! Yes, I agree, just take things slow. Let the person adjust to feelings.