[costello]

My son gets attached to objects that seem to have some important symbolic meaning for him. A number of them seem to have the general shape of a gun - my electric drill, the cardboard roll from inside wrapping paper, my carpenter's level - no doubt because he fears that people are trying to hurt him and he wants something to protect himself with.

Others have a general "safety" theme, like a padlock.

Then there are others that puzzle me. Jewelry, hats, keychains.

I have no problem with this idiosyncracy if it makes him feel safer - or whatever it's doing, the safety thing is my interpretation. The problem is he seems to feel the need to continue to buy more and more of these items. If they're cheap, okay. But on Sunday he wanted to buy a $200 silver bracelet that he couldn't afford (and he would probably lose). No one was willing to give him the $50 he was short, and he had a total meltdown over it. He was absolutely panicked about it and became extremely disorganized and delusional.

How can this be handled? We can't afford to indulge this - I was going to say "whim" but it's not a whim in his eyes, it's deadly serious. Lots of people have talismen or good luck charms or whatever, but my son seems to feel the need to surround himself with these things. I've tried broaching the subject during one of his "islands of clarity," but he can't or won't explain his need. If he would talk about it, we might be able to discuss whether the objects were really fulfilling his needs, i.e., does he really feel safer with the object, and if he does why does he continue to need more and more objects?

BTW, the reason he gave for wanting the bracelet was to show that he could do something that not everyone can do. I told him that anyone with 200 bucks could buy the bracelet. He also said a lot of people (i.e., his voices) wanted him to have it. One time he went into the shop hoping, I think, to steal it, but by that time he'd freaked the clerk out so much that she wouldn't take it out of the locked display case for him. I really think he felt that bracelet was his, he was entitled to it for some reason.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I'm sorry to hear this and let me ask, was your son diagnosed with Schizophrenia? As someone who is NOT a doctor, only going by my own experiences with pschizophrenia, I will give you my opinion. First, your son should see a therapist if he isn't at the moment. Also, as far as his indulgences/whim whatever they may be goes... You should let your son know, you will be there for him and help him with the things that he needs but sometimes you just can not afford to buy him everything he feels that he needs. He may have some true honest deep meaning for that bracelet that he isn't telling you, something that is very real and important to him, reguardless of what it means to you.

The truth is, with schizophrenia, it is hard to be able to even feel like we can connect to others who are not like us. To the people who are not "suffering" with a "mental illness" a lot of pschizophrenia people will not trust them and feel that they will never understand what it is like in our head.

Your son may not be telling you the real reason for the bracelet because he feels that he is pressured to or that you just wont understand. Given it is such an expensive item for him, it is understandable that you not buy it for him and he should understand that he needs to at least work on his own to make the money for the bracelet. But for other things that just confuse you, but are not as expensive, sometimes maybe get it for him without questions. This way it could help build trust between yourself and your son and maybe he would feel like he could come talk to you about important things, things that mean so much to him, even if you wont understand.
I may be way off on this, I am only going by what I read above. What it seems like though is that your son would really benefit from a therapist above all else. Until you can learn to manage and control your schizophrenia, if that is even the correct wording for it, then you wont be able to move on in a positive way with your life. Just a thought I wanted to share with you...

I wish you and your family all the best and keep us updated if you ever feel like you need to get anything off your chest, we are here for you and your son.

[costello]

Thanks for the sharing the wisdom of your experience, PurpleFlyingMonkeys. I agree that he should be seeing a therapist, but at this time he isn't interested. He has a very sympathetic case manager and me. We're doing our best, but we're not therapists. I'm reading as much as I can and trying to build a trusting relationship with him. It's difficult, because I get impatient with what seems like nonsense to me. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that some things have meaning for him that I don't see or understand.

I've read that voices can be very compelling. I wonder if the voices were telling him to get that bracelet.

Also he told me that he can make something happen just by thinking about it. I wonder if he decided that bracelet was his and then thought that it really was. We were driving around the lake where we live a couple of days ago when we saw a for sale sign on a piece of land. Suddenly he says, "I want that land." Then he looks at me and says, "That land is mine."