[beauflow]

Hi there- I a fairly new to this site- have posted a few things. I have not been in a therepist and have not been "diagnosed" with anything. But i do reconize some traits of mine not to be of the norm... i do have one question that stands out at this moment and I think maybe it may be part of hallucinating but I am not sure.

sometimes I can realize it other times I can not. meaning sometimes i can brush it off and think nothing of it and other times I am very fixed on it.

I have only asked on person in my life what does this mean and it was my father a while back; and he had no clue what really I was trying to say/explain.

There are sometimes I can swear to having a conversation with a real being that I know; a conversation that is real- I know things were said. But to find out later, I guess we (me and the other being) never had the conversation.

It is more than day dreaming or playing things out in my head as I tend to do sometimes (i.e. if an argument had arose- think back of what I should had said; or if going some where- how it will be and what may happen). I can distinct what that is.

There is a distinct difference to day dreaming and me believing I had a conversation with someone, that I guess I did not... (some times i get to a point to think the other may be just messing in with me in a mean awful way; but then can turn around and be like maybe I am going insane a little).

The most recent that I can remember: was a few months back under some stress; I swore up and down that my boy friend and I had a conversation and that he had said something about work, it was not even important. He had no reculection (memory) of this conversation I spoke of. He suggested maybe I spoke with some one else and just got some memories confused....I am certain it was not with another person but him..

This "conversation issue of mine" has happened a few times in the last few years we have been together. Sometimes I can brush it off- so this few months ago may not have been the most recent but it is the one I can remember.

This has not just with my boyfriend- it has happened prior with friends and family in the past even as a younger adult. Sometimes i think I must be confused; other times i think someone is messing with me or has a very short memory-- but none the less- i realize it is more than just one person saying it over time.

I do not do this all the time. When I do recognize it; I realize either high stress is involved which I can take pretty negatively and get extremely paranoid which then this does not help- it can make some things worse..

It sort of bothers me for I am one to be known for a good memory- but yet I can doubt my memory and accept my stress is allowing my mind to play tricks on me..

As I said I am not sure if any one can relate to this (I am not even sure what category it goes into)- I am not sure if it is just an over active imagination that I take too far or what. Any thoughts on it would be great :-)
Thanks!

[mgran]

It might be a mild psychosis, you say it happens under stress, and with people you're close to. I sometimes can swear up and down that I remember something, or something happened, and it really truly didn't. For example (and this is a silly example) I remember watching Pirates of the Carribean with my mother at the pictures, even though she'd been dead for fifteen years about when it came out.

I'm not saying that it's something on the schizophrenic spectrum, just that it's a glitch you do share with other people. If it only happens once every few months then I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[beauflow]

mgran; than you for your reply..
Yeah I do not think I am schizophrenic, but I do believe at times I have traits at times. and the above post of mine with conversation with people that are real; but the conversation is not... it makes me wonder and then I have trouble with trust with in myself and others around me.
Yeah sometime I think I do somethings with people that really I guess I do by myself but over all that does not bother me so much as the conversations with people that do not happen. its hard to explain.
Thank you again for your reply; it makes me feel a little better.

[mgran]

Hi Beauflow... here's something that happened just within the last twentyfour hours. I had a big problem with my sons' school, and knew that I'd have to write a strong letter about it. Last time I had a problem this big it led to a tribunal and I had to take my previous employer to court. They weren't pleased about it, but they paid out compensation. So far so good.

I've been suspicious for some time that this ex employer is still out to get me. I see their hand in various things going wrong in my life.

So, today after my son went to school I was so exhausted that I couldn't move. I must have fallen asleep. In this sleep various things happened in a quite lifelike way that made it appear like I'd had a run in with my previous employers. Someone I used to work with was snooping through my garden, trying to steal my pets. I went into the garden, and trod on a wasp. I woke up, still sitting where I'd fallen asleep. The dream was very realistic indeed, and I couldn't shake the thought that either it had happened, or was about to happen. Perhaps it was prophetic, perhaps there were people snooping about my house and garden, perhaps folks really were conspiring against me.

I went to the back garden then to feed the cat, and was promptly stung on my foot by a wasp. I managed to draw it out without killing it, and it crawled away. At this point I was convinced there was truth in my dream, and I've got to admit I feel like I'm on high alert, because somebody is going to have it in for me, someone's going to come at me and attack. That's exactly how it feels.

Anyway, I then wrote the letter complaining to the school, and was completely clear about the problem, who I felt was responsible, and sent it to the head teacher. Now I'm thinking it's going to be the school who have it in for me. Last time I wrote a letter this cross I ended up fighting in a tribunal, what's this one going to lead to? The argument in my dream has ended up blurring into my waking life, and I'm sure that it's true on some level, I really am being snooped on.

It's confusing, but it's the kind of thing that happens when I get over stressed.

[Zircle]

Hi

I don't know if it's part of schizophrenia but I have experienced exactly the same. I swear my boyfriend or somebody else said something, and remember the whole conversation, but they have no memory of it. Since I learned that I have schizophrenia and they say my memory sucks, I have sort of just accepted that sometimes I remember things wrong. So I just brush it off, saying I probably dreamt it or something. But it is quite irritating not knowing when what I remember is wrong or right.

Having this happening does not however mean you have schizophrenia. Get it checked out by a doctor. That's the best thing to do.

[mgran]

I also find it irritating beyond belief that people write off all of our perceptions saying, "oh, you misunderstood, it didn't happen like that," or some variation thereon. There is a prejudice against the neurologically different, a notion that because we percieve things differently we therefore percieve them incorrectly. That's simply not the case... we are often proven correct. Some of the things we see metaphorically or spiritually in our dreams, or confusions of fact with fancy, actually turn out to be true.
That's the most annoying thing. If I knew I was always wrong, or always right, at least I could organise my thoughts... but often people back me up, and what one person says is a delusion caused by my illness ends up being taken up as a champions cause.
Don't I just wish I could sleep sometimes and never have to worry about again.

[beauflow]

thanks Mgran and Zircle. I guess I need to gather up some courage to see a Dr. About some things (think mainly bi polar and perhaps some other things) . I get scared though. Idk why, just do....

I can relate to signs in a way, when I was younger everything was a sign but I tend to have grown out of everything~ to just some things~ and try to make them positive as best as I can, I tend to be better with that now days, especially with my boyfriend to talk to these days to ''straighten'' me out and give me more options some he doesn't understand even though I see links...

I hope everything goes well or as best with your son's school. And perhaps its all coincidence ? I mean that in the best way...

Thanks Zircle, it seems to be a ''glitch'' as Mgran mentioned that some share.

wish all well!

[fellow]

Beauflow, I can totally relate! Sometimes I like to think that it's my imagination gone haywire. If that makes sense.

I talk to "beings" in my head all the time. They can be people which I knew or made up people that I've never met. I have conversations with them but I wouldn't consider this abnormal. Most people IMHO do this. They told me that they do and they don't have any mental problems.

[beauflow]

fellow thank you! imho I will need to read what that is, sorry for my not knowing.