[DarlaKat]

I'm really scared that I might be schizophrenic. I told my mother about the voices I have been hearing. How they ridicule me all the time, especially when I'm alone. Sometimes it confuses me; I believe they are real and I flip out on people because they keep making fun of me and saying I'm an idiot or ugly or fat or crazy. I hate being around people because of this. I'm tired of constantly being mocked. Though when I'm alone, i still get made fun of, but at least I don't have to embarrass myself by freaking out.

I got re-tested last week, on the 26th I'll find out what's wrong with me. When I talked to the doctor, she was already bringing up anti-psychotics like geodon or risperidal. I've taken these before, due to my supposed "bipolar disorder". Maybe it is, but why am I constantly hearing things and sometimes seeing things? Why do I feel like someone's constantly watching me? Why do I sometimes freak out when I sit on the front porch due to the paranoia that someone's going to pull up in my driveway and shoot me.

I'm concerned. I have been for a while and it keeps getting progressively worse. I can't live like this, I'm becoming a hermit. I can't even trust my own family members. I feel so bad for my boyfriend, he always has to reassure me that I'm not stupid, that no one is talking about me or reading my mind or whatever. I feel judged every waking moment.

[kyp0717]

Hi Karla,
Just wanted to say hi...This is my first post on this board and I am not sure what to say to you. All I can say right now is that I think you can trust and listen to your family.
Stay strong...

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

I'm really scared that I might be schizophrenic. I told my mother about the voices I have been hearing. How they ridicule me all the time, especially when I'm alone. Sometimes it confuses me; I believe they are real and I flip out on people because they keep making fun of me and saying I'm an idiot or ugly or fat or crazy. I hate being around people because of this. I'm tired of constantly being mocked. Though when I'm alone, i still get made fun of, but at least I don't have to embarrass myself by freaking out.

I got re-tested last week, on the 26th I'll find out what's wrong with me. When I talked to the doctor, she was already bringing up anti-psychotics like geodon or risperidal. I've taken these before, due to my supposed "bipolar disorder". Maybe it is, but why am I constantly hearing things and sometimes seeing things? Why do I feel like someone's constantly watching me? Why do I sometimes freak out when I sit on the front porch due to the paranoia that someone's going to pull up in my driveway and shoot me.

I'm concerned. I have been for a while and it keeps getting progressively worse. I can't live like this, I'm becoming a hermit. I can't even trust my own family members. I feel so bad for my boyfriend, he always has to reassure me that I'm not stupid, that no one is talking about me or reading my mind or whatever. I feel judged every waking moment.

I hope all goes well.

[mgran]

Hi Darla, I was also diagnosed bipolar originally. Then when the doctors understood more about my hallucinations, and psychotic beliefs (the phone was being bugged, I was being followed etc) they finally diagnosed schizoaffective. At the time I was very upset, as the "schizo" part of my disorder seemed far worse than "just" bipolar.

However, now that the meds have largely contained my condition (I still sometimes have episodes, mainly of profound depression) I find things are much easier. Although I often post in here, I'm not always thinking about my illness, and I would never say "I am schizoaffective," I'd say that I suffer from schizoaffective disorder." Whatever lable your doctor puts on you (they mightn't put anything on you) just see it as a tag that helps them find the right treatment for your condition. Things can get better. Hang on in there, and work with the doctors, they can find a way through this disorder, and so can you. You say things are getting progressively worse... a change can come. Nothing stays black forever... I do think you can turn a corner. So hold onto hope. It's worth it.