Hi
I am 15, female, and I know I have OCD. I'm meeting with school and my mom on Monday, and we are going to talk about me seeing a psychologist (finally! I have been asking since I was 11). Anyway, this has been bugging me for a while now. I have some symptoms associated with Schizophrenia, and schizophrenia-related disorders.

I originally ruled out schizophrenia when I was trying to put a name to my moods/thoughts, because I didn't think I hallucinated. But then I thought people with schizophrenia don't actually know they are hallucinating, and this really scares me. What if all of this is my imagination and none of it is real? This makes my anxiety worse because I think I am hallucinating everything. When I was seven (not sure if this is just intrusive thoughts from OCD) there would be this "voice" in my head saying "I hope they die" or "I hope they get an incurable disease" and I hated it, this still happens and I have to tell it to go away and leave me alone a certain number of times, but it will come back, I just silenced it for a while. I hear my name being called, see shadows, faces in things etc, but I thought these were normal...When I am sat next to my mom in the car with my headphones in (lowest volume) I think she is talking to me and I turn towards her and she isn't. This happens all the time. I also have lots of "imaginary characters" who only I can see. They are like extra-dimensional beings and I have the ability to see them and tell the future when I get a feeling something is going to happen. I believe many things about reality, and that my soul was born in another universe and got lost here through vortex rings. This is why I constantly feel alien and I can't fit in.

I'm really paranoid. Everyone is always talking about me and laughing at me. When people are whispering/laughing at school, I always think they are talking about me and I get really bad anxiety. I hate people walking behind me, and when cars come up behind me when I am walking on the pavement I get really paranoid and scared and I feel like screaming at them. There are cameras watching me and powerful people watching me and everyone hates me. They want to lock me away and can read my thoughts (which scares me because I get really bad intrusive thoughts which I hate). I get really paranoid there are cameras everywhere, and I wouldn't go in the toilets at school for years (still don't). Then I get these "delusions" that people should actually respect me because I have magical powers like future fortelling and I am basically "alien".

My thinking is really weird. I can't get a hold of my thoughts and it's like there's a tv on in my head constantly. I get headaches a lot and difficulty falling asleep/frequent wakings. My moods also change a lot; some days I am happy and optimistic and others I am really depressed and just want to die. I feel irritable during these moods and don't care for people's feelings/want to hit them, even though I love them and wouldn't want to hurt them.

My speech can be strange; very fast and like I have a lot to say or very slow/ me being withdrawn/ shy. I can stutter, slur and completely miss words out of sentences so they don't make sense. I also forget a lot and lose my train of thought/forget what I was going to say.

I am terrible at social events and I don't trust anyone because I think they want to hurt me. I am distant from people and have blank/vacant expressions most of the time. I zone out all the time and I block out EVERY sense of mine, I can't control this either. It's like I am just living in a fantasy world all of the time.

A few times a day I get this feeling that this is all a dream. It's not real and it's just a dimensional game that I will wake up from and be a completely different person. As if I created all of this in my mind. This scares me to death.

I know quizzes shouldn't be used as diagnostic tools but I did this for fun.
http://themachine1.110mb.com/spq.html
I got 64.5 out of 74. Should I be concerned? Schizotypal is known as mild schizophrenia too, and I fit the whole criteria. The average is 28-38 apparently.

All of this is interfering with school/social life. And I have never had a boyfriend so I guess it is interfering with that too. Should I tell my school all of this on Monday too? Please respond, and thanks .

PLEASE will anyone just comment? I really would appreciate your opinions on this..

[KUREHA]

It might be - but I guess the psychologist can tell you more.

The thing is I have OCD a lot more under control now though, so it's not so much a problem.
Then I started getting watched by cameras and followed around - they can read my thoughts as well. I told my psychologist and got referred to the Early Intervention in Psychosis Team - which you might do as well.

If you get a good psychologist - trust them - if they get you to talk to a counsellor at the school - do not trust them.

[KUREHA]

One more thing - my nurse said OCD can lead to psychosis.

Really? Thanks for your advice, it really helped im also glad your OCD is more under control, its a horrible illness.

[KUREHA]

Yeah my nurse knew a lot, she was awesome.

Thanks and glad it helped a bit

[ickydog2006]

I've had most of these issues. I'm inclined to agree with KUREHA about school conselors, school conselors know and understand nothing, thus they cannot be trusted, however you may have to tell them stuff just to get referred to a psychologist. I know it's hard to trust any of them, especially when medication options get brought up. I think it would be worthwhile to try medication, it has helped me a lot, like you I ruled out schizophrenia because I didn't think I was hallucinating, I hadn't even told my doctors about it. During a change in meds (for OCD, Depression, and Panic Disorder) the hallucinations went away, that's when I realized they weren't normal. You'll still struggle on meds and with therapy, but it can make life and school much more manageable.

[mgran]

It does sound like you have issues that you need to talk to a proper professional about... can't say if it's schizophrenia, or some other type of psychosis, but it does sound like you're somewhere on that spectrum. It could be that this is something that will get better as you mature though, whatever you end up being diagnosed with, don't see it as a life sentence. You're only fifteen, you have a lot of life to live, a lot of things to find out and adapt to. Keep fighting through. Even if you get diagnosed with schizophrenia, it's not the end of the world.