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Anonymous32845
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Confused Jan 17, 2012 at 11:31 AM
  #1
I know this site isn't a diagnostic tool and I should see a doctor, but I can't yet and my mother is going to make an appointment soon. I would really appreciate it if you could give me your opinion on this. What could this be?

I am 15, female, and I know I have OCD. I'm meeting with school and my mom on Monday, and we are going to talk about me seeing a psychologist (finally! I have been asking since I was 11). Anyway, this has been bugging me for a while now. I have some symptoms associated with Schizophrenia, and schizophrenia-related disorders.

I originally ruled out schizophrenia when I was trying to put a name to my moods/thoughts, because I didn't think I hallucinated. But then I thought people with schizophrenia don't actually know they are hallucinating, and this really scares me. What if all of this is my imagination and none of it is real? This makes my anxiety worse because I think I am hallucinating everything. When I was seven (not sure if this is just intrusive thoughts from OCD) there would be this "voice" in my head saying "I hope they die" or "I hope they get an incurable disease" and I hated it, this still happens and I have to tell it to go away and leave me alone a certain number of times, but it will come back, I just silenced it for a while. I hear my name being called, see shadows, faces in things etc, but I thought these were normal...When I am sat next to my mom in the car with my headphones in (lowest volume) I think she is talking to me and I turn towards her and she isn't. This happens all the time. I also have lots of "imaginary characters" who only I can see. They are like extra-dimensional beings and I have the ability to see them and tell the future when I get a feeling something is going to happen. I believe many things about reality, and that my soul was born in another universe and got lost here through vortex rings. This is why I constantly feel alien and I can't fit in.

I'm really paranoid. Everyone is always talking about me and laughing at me. When people are whispering/laughing at school, I always think they are talking about me and I get really bad anxiety. I hate people walking behind me, and when cars come up behind me when I am walking on the pavement I get really paranoid and scared and I feel like screaming at them. There are cameras watching me and powerful people watching me and everyone hates me. They want to lock me away and can read my thoughts (which scares me because I get really bad intrusive thoughts which I hate). I get really paranoid there are cameras everywhere, and I wouldn't go in the toilets at school for years (still don't). Then I get these "delusions" that people should actually respect me because I have magical powers like future fortelling and I am basically "alien".

My thinking is really weird. I can't get a hold of my thoughts and it's like there's a tv on in my head constantly. I get headaches a lot and difficulty falling asleep/frequent wakings. My moods also change a lot; some days I am happy and optimistic and others I am really depressed and just want to die. I feel irritable during these moods and don't care for people's feelings/want to hit them, even though I love them and wouldn't want to hurt them.

My speech can be strange; very fast and like I have a lot to say or very slow/ me being withdrawn/ shy. I can stutter, slur and completely miss words out of sentences so they don't make sense. I also forget a lot and lose my train of thought/forget what I was going to say.

I am terrible at social events and I don't trust anyone because I think they want to hurt me. I am distant from people and have blank/vacant expressions most of the time. I zone out all the time and I block out EVERY sense of mine, I can't control this either. It's like I am just living in a fantasy world all of the time.

A few times a day I get this feeling that this is all a dream. It's not real and it's just a dimensional game that I will wake up from and be a completely different person. As if I created all of this in my mind. This scares me to death.

I know quizzes shouldn't be used as diagnostic tools but I did this for fun.
http://themachine1.110mb.com/spq.html
I got 64.5 out of 74. Should I be concerned? Schizotypal is known as mild schizophrenia too, and I fit the whole criteria. The average is 28-38 apparently.

All of this is interfering with school/social life. Should I tell my school all of this on Monday too? Please respond, and thanks.

And the "characters" are not always hallucinated, but I still see them and know they are there. I have conversations with them and I see them everywhere I go. Today, my friends at school told me they think I'm schizophrenic...probably due to my paranoia and always having a blank look on my face. I am always saying, "did you see/hear that??" and they will look at me like I am crazy and tell me no. I also smell, taste and feel things that no one else can. This happens a lot and everything is interfering. :/

Thank you so much, and please will you tell me what this could be?

((I wasn't meant to put this here...oh well))
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