[motowater]

I am schizoaffective and I would just like to share my experiences.
One night while smoking pot, I went schizo. It wasn't a good feeling believe me. Everything around me had a reddish tint to it and it felt like hell. I thought it would go away soon. I was wrong. Today I stand two years later wishing every day that this painful feeling will go away.

The pain is probably the worst part of being schzioaffective for me. The hallucenations and voices I can deal with; its this neverending pain that is so terrible. I was such a happy guy before all this happened. I don't even know who to tell this to anymore which is why I'm posting here. Can anyone relate?

I have pain. I can become overwelmed by voices, but i can manage them well enough. Sorta hallucinate, just non formed stuff. I get releif from pain from time to time. I have to be patient.

[lil-angel-wings]

My first question is what kind of Pain?



I had many signs of illness as a child, but was Diagnosed as an Adult in my thirtys. Partly becasue I did not want anyone to know what I was going through because I thought Id be locked up for life.

I had a bad trip on LSD when I was 19 and never recouperated fully. I smoked Pot and used meth and drank. people thought it was my drug use that casued my problems. I got clean and sober and still the affects lingered. I thought for a lot of years also that it was due to the drug use, but I know alot of other people who used and never had the experiences the things that I have.

I have been clean and sober for 29 years and still suffer from these things. Many people believe that Schizophrenia is brought on becasue of drug use, but the truth is that drug use magnifys what is already there.

I struggled with alot of the issues since early child hood. Like Parinoa, seeing people chasing me or out side my windows at night. Hearing evil voices. There were alot of other things too. But it was as a young adult that this all came out in its full blown force.

I went 10 years with out help and dealing with life to the best of my ability. I finaly told the professionals what I was going through and then I was Dx with this. I now deal with other issues as well and struggle daily to make sence of it all.

Again the Question is what kind of Pain?

[volatile]

I snapped after too much pot and cocaine. It also didn't help that at the time I was being abused and brain washed.
I had a lot of pain at first. I think it was because my soul was being ripped out of my body. There's no pain anymore, and I feel strangely empty. I'm still trying to find more information on this theory of mine so maybe I can get it back? Regain what I lost? Who knows.