[casanovic]

I have some problem with myself. I always want to tell about this. I think I have some problems. Actually I think all the time many things. There are many people insides me. I think so, I always talking to me. But when I am out there with people they just disappeared left me wondering on myself, if they really exist or I am making things up. As I already said to you that I have depression problems with dissociative personality disorder. Well I can’t recall about them now, and I can’t tell about myself to anyone. Because no one is going to believe me. They will think I am a mediocre man or something like that. They are laughing over myself. I always tried to behave normally , but I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s like I am going against my wishes. But I also don’t want to go to a psych hospital with madmen. I believe I am alright other than I lives in fantasy too much, talking to myself too much. Well I actually liked it. No person is ever gonna betraying you, there is only one exist and that’s me. Well I like the feel of it. But you know I can’t live on my own. If I am gonna live on my own then I have to behave normal that I can’t do. Because I don’t like human contact. I just like to be alone in very much dark place. I am going to sleep there forever. No one is going to bother me ever. When I sees people its like they are bothering me only by coming in front of my eyes. Well I can’t change that. I started to drinking also, but I didn’t like it nor smoking. I was thinking I could become a great addict but seems to me I would rather love my dreams. They are so real to me. The people inside them love me. My brain is so much big full of thoughts, I couldn’t control it but I always know what is going around me. About people inside me those who talks to me and those who don’t. Well I can write a book about them there will be always gonna be some new guy inside me. There is always someone going to die inside me .Well these are bizarre hallucination or delusions but it seems to me there is a whole world inside me. I don’t need this world anymore, if only I can ever sleep or go in some kind of coma thing. When I am sleeping they all are true. I don’t want to be awake. You can say that I am a schizrophiniac or some kind of maniac with so many personality disorders like a sociopath, borderline, and multiple personality or as many of kind there kind be. But problem is that I like to be with them. They seems like I know them well. But I don’t know myself. Believe it or not but it is true. All the time when I am writing this letter, I am thinking I should delete this letter otherwise you are going to put me in some mental care institution. Well I some time I want to be there but what is the dream of becoming a normal man as if this is ever going to be true ? Well I know that but what I can say its bipolar disorder, two totally different people living in one brain want to do what they want . Well sometimes it can be very tempting as it ever can be .Also had to share bed with narcissistic and self-defined “victim” personality disorder people. Well they are people for me , always creeping out of me. I hate them as I ever can .But they are never going to leave me. I am habitual of them. So what should I do? Well I came to you for some solution but if can’t give me some solution .Don’t do something stupid like calling my parents or calling me a madman or writing about all these things in my medical records. Don’t create more problem for me. I don’t know you are knowledgeable enough to cure me but probably you could give me some good suggestion or some doctor who can help me. And I don’t like medicine because they tries to controle over my brain that I don’t like very much.

[SQLVR]

Hi Casanovic,
I think it would be a good idea to seek out professional help. If this is truly distressing for you it is important to get help. Don't worry about anyone calling you a "madman", trained medical professionals are used to dealing with a variety of different things. I can relate to you in that I sometimes feel more comfortable being in my own little world, but it is dangerous if it keeps you from functioning and having positive relationships with others.
Good luck to you!

[casanovic]

Originally Posted by SQLVR

Hi Casanovic,
I think it would be a good idea to seek out professional help. If this is truly distressing for you it is important to get help. Don't worry about anyone calling you a "madman", trained medical professionals are used to dealing with a variety of different things. I can relate to you in that I sometimes feel more comfortable being in my own little world, but it is dangerous if it keeps you from functioning and having positive relationships with others.
Good luck to you!

Thank for giving me good advice.But i am a collage student and i don't have any other resources other than my parents giving me which is very low for a private psychotherapist fees. And i don't know in india , if there are good doctor available. And i can't tell this to my parents they are very old thinking.They will gonna i am just mad or some ghost are inside me.Can you tell me good psychotherapist in india?

[SQLVR]

Im sorry hun, but I have no information about mental health services in India. Have you tried the Ask a Therapist feature on this site?

At big universities, they have psychology units. You could talk to professors of psychology & see if they know of anyone to help you. Never hurts to ask.