[peaceweb602]

I don't get how other people can function with schizophrenia. The symptoms of their illness is different, I know. I feel so frustrated. Six years have passed since I've been diagnosed and practically nothing has changed. I hear voices that tell me everyone hates me and I should go to hell. It makes me scared. I don't know why I hear these voices. I want to have a job and be normal. I've barely attended college since I am mentally weak. I am almost 27 years old. I feel sleepy and am weak willed. I want to change, but it's so difficult to do so. I guess I don't have strong values or principles. I want to do better, but when I am trying to do a little homework, I easily get distracted. I can't help but listen to the voices because I feel they are true. There seem to be a lot of people diagnosed with schizophrenia who are successful, able to hold down a job or go to school and accomplish. I feel confused in life. I feel like I live in a holographic universe and that I can do magic to change things, but I am probably disillusioned. I seem to want short-cuts to everything and I complain about life everyday almost. Since I exist and must deal with it, as low class as it sounds, I will have to try harder and make something work in life. My parents take care of me. I'm like a baby. I wonder if I am retarded, or my illness is making me retarded. It's embarrassing to be with this illness. I feel like a bad person who is judged by the rest of the humans. How can I make my life work? I don't have any friends. It's very hard to find people who I can connect with since I am a bit paranoid and worried they don't accept me as I am. The voices are so mean. They're like manipulating my mind. I want some true freedom to think, but it seems my thinking is embarrassing or something, like I'm stupid and can't think thoroughly. I wish life was better.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

I don't get how other people can function with schizophrenia. The symptoms of their illness is different, I know. I feel so frustrated. Six years have passed since I've been diagnosed and practically nothing has changed. I hear voices that tell me everyone hates me and I should go to hell. It makes me scared. I don't know why I hear these voices. I want to have a job and be normal. I've barely attended college since I am mentally weak. I am almost 27 years old. I feel sleepy and am weak willed. I want to change, but it's so difficult to do so. I guess I don't have strong values or principles. I want to do better, but when I am trying to do a little homework, I easily get distracted. I can't help but listen to the voices because I feel they are true. There seem to be a lot of people diagnosed with schizophrenia who are successful, able to hold down a job or go to school and accomplish. I feel confused in life. I feel like I live in a holographic universe and that I can do magic to change things, but I am probably disillusioned. I seem to want short-cuts to everything and I complain about life everyday almost. Since I exist and must deal with it, as low class as it sounds, I will have to try harder and make something work in life. My parents take care of me. I'm like a baby. I wonder if I am retarded, or my illness is making me retarded. It's embarrassing to be with this illness. I feel like a bad person who is judged by the rest of the humans. How can I make my life work? I don't have any friends. It's very hard to find people who I can connect with since I am a bit paranoid and worried they don't accept me as I am. The voices are so mean. They're like manipulating my mind. I want some true freedom to think, but it seems my thinking is embarrassing or something, like I'm stupid and can't think thoroughly. I wish life was better.

Hey. You are not mentally weak. You have an illness. And it sounds like your illness is not being well controlled. That's not your failing. That's a failing of your treatment. I can't imagine how impossible it would be to concentrate if I was hearing voices. I don't think anyone could concentrate when hearing voices.

You can be successful, but you need to optimize your treatment first. You need to talk to your pdoc and tell him/her that you are still hearing voices. Clearly the meds are not working well enough for you. You need to change your meds.

One thing that I notice from your post is that you have a lot of insight into your condition. It's really remarkable. You know the voices are not real, and you are not suffering from delusions. You seem to know yourself, and understand what your problems are. You know that you are ill. You're not fighting or denying your diagnosis. That's really half the battle that you've won already. Many people with schizophrenia don't even believe they are ill. And they can't get better until they accept that they are ill. But you've accepted and made peace with your diagnosis. So I think you are far ahead of the game in that sense.

My cousin has schizophrenia. He has been working for the past 30 years as a bookeeper for a shoe business. He is married with two kids. What is the key to his success?
1. He accepts his diagnosis.
2. He has found meds that control his symptoms
3. He takes his meds
4. He has a loving, supportive wife and family that know a lot about schizophrenia
5. His wife creates a very stress-free and stable home environment for him
6. He asks for and accepts help from his family without shame

I think that last point is really key. Living with schizophrenia is damn hard. Don't try to go it alone. Ask for help. Don't be ashamed to let your parents help you. They love you. Let them support you. Tell them what you need. Even entirely healthy people accept all kinds of help from their parents. There really is no reason to try to go it alone. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?

If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I'll be your friend. I'm socailly awkward, so I don't have many friends. So I'd love to be friends with you if that's what you want.

[costello]

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

I don't get how other people can function with schizophrenia.

I think a lot of people are in the same boat with you.

I hear voices that tell me everyone hates me and I should go to hell.

Is there someone in your life - besides the voices - who is giving you this message? Or maybe someone told you this when you were young? Hearing voices strongly correlates with childhood trauma. Do you have a therapist you can explore this with?

It makes me scared. I don't know why I hear these voices. I want to have a job and be normal.

I've barely attended college since I am mentally weak. I am almost 27 years old. I feel sleepy and am weak willed.

I doubt if you're mentally weak, and I suspect you're sleepy because of the meds.

I want to change, but it's so difficult to do so.

Most people are the same way. Everyone has things about them they'd like to change but it's really really hard. Trust me you're not alone on this point. It doesn't mean you're weak; it means you're human. Beating yourself up won't help.

There seem to be a lot of people diagnosed with schizophrenia who are successful, able to hold down a job or go to school and accomplish.

Comparing yourself to others is bound to make you unhappy.

I feel confused in life. I feel like I live in a holographic universe and that I can do magic to change things, but I am probably disillusioned. I seem to want short-cuts to everything and I complain about life everyday almost.

This sounds like my son.

Since I exist and must deal with it, as low class as it sounds, I will have to try harder and make something work in life. My parents take care of me. I'm like a baby. I wonder if I am retarded, or my illness is making me retarded.

You don't sound retarded to me, and I doubt your parents actually care for you like you're a baby. Babies need to have everything done for them.

It's embarrassing to be with this illness. I feel like a bad person who is judged by the rest of the humans.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I can understand your feelings, but really there's no reason to feel bad about yourself. This isn't your fault.

I wish life was better.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

Hearing voices strongly correlates with childhood trauma

really???
my psychiatrist asked me this about my voices with my mother. i lied. i said no. which is only partially true. some of them are also from really strong verbal words (i want to say abuse but i fear they read this) from a bf in my teens/late teens. it haunts me daily mostly the bf...

im interested in knowing more...

edit//
also i know i witnessed some semi-deadly incidents that still stick with me. haunt me type of stuff. father almost dying twice...someone getting stabbed upclose (not familial though). etc.

[costello]

Originally Posted by newtus

really???
...
im interested in knowing more...

Here are just a few of the articles and abstracts I found by googling "auditory hallucinations and child abuse."

Sexual and physical abuse during childhood and adulthood as predictors of hallucinations, delusions and thought disorder

In light of recent studies indicating a relationship between child abuse and the positive symptoms of schizophrenia, this study investigated the hypotheses that childhood sexual and physical abuse are related to hallucinations, delusions, and thought disorder in adults, and that those relationships are greater in those who have suffered abuse during adulthood as well as childhood. In 200 community mental-health-centre clients, the clinically evaluated symptomatology of the 92 clients whose files documented sexual or physical abuse at some point in their lives was compared with that of the 108 for whom no abuse was documented. In the 60 patients for whom child abuse was documented, hallucinations (including all six subtypes), but not delusions, thought disorder or negative symptoms, were significantly more common than in the nonabused group. Adult sexual assault was related to hallucinations, delusions, and thought disorder. In linear regression analysis, a combination of child abuse and adult abuse predicted hallucinations, delusions, and thought disorder. However, child abuse was a significant predictor of auditory and tactile hallucinations, even in the absence of adult abuse. Possible psychological and neurobiological pathways from abuse to symptoms are discussed, along with research and clinical implications.

Childhood trauma, psychosis and schizophrenia: a literature review with theoretical and clinical implications

Symptoms considered indicative of psychosis and schizophrenia, particularly hallucinations, are at least as strongly related to childhood abuse and neglect as many other mental health problems. Recent large-scale general population studies indicate the relationship is a causal one, with a dose-effect.

Auditory hallucinations in adolescent and adult students: implications for continuums and adult pathology following child abuse.

An auditory hallucination questionnaire was completed by 250 adolescents and 250 adults in the UK to provide data concerning their hallucinatory experiences, which enabled a consideration of nonclinical population auditory hallucination experiences. The data gathered from the adolescent group were almost identical to that of the adult group, suggesting a continuum between child and adulthood. The data also indicated that the UK adult sample was very similar to an established US sample of adults. The current data was combined with previously published data to construct a proposed developmental model that may link child abuse to pathological hallucinations and possible later mental illness issues. New normative data concerning hallucinatory experiences provide important norms, which need to be considered for adolescents or young adults who may be considered for early intervention in psychosis programs. These new norms provide information that should be considered in a variety of therapeutic settings.

Auditory hallucinations: a comparison between patients and nonpatients.

The form and the content of chronic auditory hallucinations were compared in three cohorts, namely patients with schizophrenia, patients with a dissociative disorder, and nonpatient voice-hearers. The form of the hallucinatory experiences was not significantly different between the three groups. The subjects in the nonpatient group, unlike those in the patient groups, perceived their voices as predominantly positive: they were not alarmed or upset by their voices and felt in control of the experience. In most patients, the onset of auditory hallucinations was preceded by either a traumatic event or an event that activated the memory of earlier trauma. The significance of this study is that it presents evidence that the form of the hallucinations experienced by both patient and nonpatient groups is similar, irrespective of diagnosis. Differences between groups were predominantly related to the content, emotional quality, and locus of control of the voices. In this study the disability incurred by hearing voices is associated with (the reactivation of) previous trauma and abuse.

[costello]

Originally Posted by newtus

edit//
also i know i witnessed some semi-deadly incidents that still stick with me. haunt me type of stuff. father almost dying twice...someone getting stabbed upclose (not familial though). etc.

You might be interested in watching The Doctor Who Hears Voices on youtube. It's in seven parts starting here:

It's about a doctor who begins hearing an abusive male voice during a very stressful period in her life. The chief trauma was the death of her brother when she was a teen. The psychologist treating her eventually tracks the voice down to a bully who tormented her in high school.

[newtus]

thank you!!!

[newtus]

im watching it now. wow. is what i have to say. thats so interesting.

i have to say idk what my voices are from. the ones i hear right now mostly. sometimes i hear mumbling but i learned its prob not real i attributed that people like police spying on me and stuff but idk. my mind is very foggy right now. not doing ok but i cant think of anything i think i hear thats attributed to stuff i fear like the person saying about the aliens talking to her. like...tied to stuff i feel paranoid about. the voices are mostly not having to do with my paranoia i feel daily abuot the police and govt and society.

[likewater]

Peaceweb-- im sleepy and talk slowly because of my meds. I even failed a sobriety test sober and was arrested for dui until 5 hrs later they figured out im just " different" -- now still waiting to see pdoc to get dx to put on med bracelet to help me not have
problems with police again. It was horrible. My sister came and got me and they had me so triggered that NOW they were convinced i coulnt live alone. I joke about it, but it was humiliating. I feel like you. I just want to live and function. Im always struggling to keep my job to keep sane. I've given up so much. My stupid uncle told me once not to let the childhood abuse ruin my life. Like i've made
some conscious choice? I do anything and everything to get better. Ive tried so many therapies and drugs. How dare he say that. He doesnt even know a third of what happened to me my brother and sister. Just hearing what happened would mess him up. I stopped telling people after i gave a roomate nightmares by sharing bits of my past.