[RunningEagleRuns]

Am I the only one who finds their illness (schizophrenia or other mental illnesses) holds them back? Before I got a pyscosis I did alot. Now I cant do what I used to be able too. I think its a lack of strength. I used to be strong. Now I'm weak. Am I the only one?

[FireBird]

Trust me, you are not alone. It is even in the description that the illness disrupts your daily functioning. It doesn't make you weak though. I feel the same about being weak, however because I will probably never get a job in my life. There are times (sometimes as much as a year) that I don't do any hobbies (such as my art) because of depression. It can affect concentration. With all my symptoms, I get two extremes. Either (for concentration) I hyperfocus or I can't even read a paragraph or sometimes even a sentence! When I hyperfocus, I get so into reading or doing whatever that I lose what is going on around me. In fact, when I have my music going on in the background, I don't even hear it! Even people calling me... I don't hear it! But when I can't concentrate, I don't do anything. There are times when I don't have an appointment or going anywhere, that I just stay in bed all day in my pajamas. That is the depression talking. Most of the time I have no energy (I actually don't know if its my pills doing that or the depression). It even affects how often I take a shower or brush my teeth. I know hygiene is important. But I have no energy and sometimes I am so depressed that I just don't care. I know there are times that I stink though. It affects my daily functioning. I have had at least something or the other most of my life. Sometimes it wasn't bad so I did well in school. Except the teachers worried about my anxiety and how I said horrible things about myself. But in that case, the anxiety helped because it caused me to be a perfectionist. Because of that, I got good grades. Also I was just plain old lucky in school by having easy going teachers and easy tests that were multiple choice. I do well in multiple choice questions. I actually don't know why that my psychologist today called me manic but actually I am depressed. The only symptoms of mania that I have is bursts of energy by laughing uncontrollably at random things, even things that don't make sense. She also said I talk weird. But she has remarked on my speech patterns many, many times. Basically formal thought disorder. Most of the time I believe I am coherent in my speech and writing though. At least that is what I believe. You gotta believe what you believe. OMG!! Its past my bedtime. I go to sleep around 10 PM because of the constant tiredness. I usually sleep when I don't have to get up early around 12PM. That is 14 hours and I still feel tired. Even when I get what normal people get, I am even more tired. How often do you get psychotic breaks? Has your medicine worked against the voices? My medicine has mostly helped but I still have several hallucinations a day. That is still much less than when I was in the hospital. There it was nearly constant. Both visual and auditory hallucinations. And the pill is also helping against the delusions... at least me acting against them. They are just in the background and not affecting my functioning.

No RunningEagleRuns, you're not the only one. I fight so hard and yet get nowhere. I used to be so hard working before depression hit. I'm a bit worried about what will happen if I don't make it through my MSc; whether I'll be able to do anything with my life. I feel like all I do is hide and escape the real world, but then can't seem to function properly at the slightest stress when I do try to get out there. It's bad cos my diagnosis is 'just' depression and so healthcare professionals are constantly asking me if I *want* to get better, as if I *LIKE* not having a life or independence or anything else a "normal" 26yo has and am simply choosing to be like this



*Willow*

[fishsandwich]

I answered "no", but I don't think it's because I'm strong . . . I think it's because I'm extremely stubborn.

[RunningEagleRuns]

i hear voices all the time.. guess its the hand iv been dealt

[RunningEagleRuns]

the meds i take sorta help with the voices.