[newtus]

[deleted]

[newtus]

f--k it. you f--ks.

[fishsandwich]

Newtus, I'm sorry nobody had a response for you. I saw your post, but didn't know what to say as I don't have any experience with the US system. Is there a way you can ask your pdoc/mental health team that question?

[newtus]

-- screw it --

[fishsandwich]

Is there anything I can do to help you out, hun?

[newtus]

seems as is theres no one that can.

i want to see if i can live completely cut off for society except for my doctor cause i have to go there

i asked doc john to delete my acct he never did then i backed out of it.

its just all bs you know that right

im still dealing with people
its just online

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by newtus

i want to see if i can live completely cut off for society except for my doctor cause i have to go there

that's pretty much what I do. sorry, I was napping this afternoon, I didn't see your post. wot's going on.

[fishsandwich]

Whatever you need to do to get by, eh?

[newtus]

nm
if i can just get away from these forums i will be completely cut off.
i already live in the rural and dont know anyone and dont talk to anyone in reality.
i wanna drink and do drugs and get so messed up and brain dead. ive been there before
but i want to make it permanent. dont tell i dont want to. because ive been there before.
i want to.
i need something hard.

[unaluna]

well you know - I almost lost my mind that way, stupid ex-husband's drugs, and was just SOOO glad I came back. so...

how do you change your circumstances? idk. not an easy thing to do for anyone.

[fishsandwich]

I'm feeling that way too, at the moment. Sucks, don't it?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by hankster

well you know - I almost lost my mind that way

how

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

I'm feeling that way too, at the moment. Sucks, don't it?

theres a diff between feeling it and going for it.
most people cant go for it.
kazynski did
im doing it.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

theres a diff between feeling it and going for it.
most people cant go for it.
kazynski did
im doing it.

Yeah, I'm a real wimp about these things. I wouldn't even know where to get the drugs to fry my brain.
Which Kazynski, though? The Unibomber or the former leader of Poland?
I'll miss you if you do decide to fry yourself, but you have to do what you must.

[unaluna]

how? when it's the middle of the night and you're puking and you're wondering if your brain is still gonna be there in the morning or if you're gonna be moving to the crazy house you used to drive by when you were a little kid, and you could hear the screams and wailing, only it's closed so it's not even an option. or did you want to know what street drug was it? who remembers? I just know I didn't have any fun.

you are so smart, just like I was. so much to offer the world, like I once did. and our moms are so effed up. eff em. they didn't deserve us.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Yeah, I'm a real wimp about these things. I wouldn't even know where to get the drugs to fry my brain.
Which Kazynski, though? The Unibomber or the former leader of Poland?
I'll miss you if you do decide to fry yourself, but you have to do what you must.

not the poland one.

Originally Posted by hankster

how? when it's the middle of the night and you're puking and you're wondering if your brain is still gonna be there in the morning or if you're gonna be moving to the crazy house you used to drive by when you were a little kid, and you could hear the screams and wailing, only it's closed so it's not even an option. or did you want to know what street drug was it? who remembers? I just know I didn't have any fun.

you are so smart, just like I was. so much to offer the world, like I once did. and our moms are so effed up. eff em. they didn't deserve us.

but see i was going to crazy houses since i was 13. i f--king HATE this system. and 10 years later im still in it! im averaging 1-2 hospital stays a year.

i was jw how.

my negative symptoms are just as severe as any positive symptoms i have.
i have a bottle of nyquil. and maybe i could make a trip to the beer store.
thats all i got.
and because idk anyone thats all ill ever get.

[ArthurDent]

Newtus,

I didn't respond because I didn't have any information for you. If you PM where you're located and what kinds of services you're looking for, I'll be happy to spend some time tomorrow morning trying to find some for you. Just let me know.

Stay strong. You're one of the coolest people on here.

[unaluna]

then they win. I am not letting my mother win. if my FOO wants me dead, and I know they do, however unconsciously or subconsciously or whatever, they are gonna have to do it themselves, directly. cos I ain't gonna do it for them. I wonder if this is why i'm fat. well so what. again, screw them.

ETA: thanks arthur. she totally is.

[newtus]

should i just tell people what i think and not worry about if they believe its a delusion? because its what i believe but i KNOW it to be true man.

i just want someone to listen to me. LISTEN.
im being honest right now and prob shouldnt be.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by ArthurDent

Newtus,

I didn't respond because I didn't have any information for you. If you PM where you're located and what kinds of services you're looking for, I'll be happy to spend some time tomorrow morning trying to find some for you. Just let me know.

Stay strong. You're one of the coolest people on here.

idk what to even look for.
i got my dad but he doenst know where to look
and then i have no one else.
i cant even get a case manager from the one place
idk what to even to.
i didnt even know what a CM was untli a few months ago.
i just learned about SSDI and SSI a few months ago too.
someone had to tell me that stuff but it was by chance a CM that just happen to meet one time.
im wondering if theres stuff i dont even know still.

[unaluna]

you know we are always here for you. except when i'm asleep. which is pretty much cat hours.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by newtus

idk what to even look for.

im wondering if theres stuff i dont even know still.

so maybe talk to the insurance person again? do you need someone to help you do that?

[ArthurDent]

Well Newtus, I'm about to call it a night because my wife thinks I am the only one in the house that can take the trash out to the street. lol.

I'l touch base with you in the morning, and we'll see what exactly we can find out for you, ok?

And if you want someone to just LISTEN, you have my permission to PM me anytime at all.

TC Newtus.

PS You can call me John.

[newtus]

thanks john

[newtus]

i think the insurance thing was a bit of a scam.
i dont believe any real CM would call on the phone from thousands of miles away.

[costello]

I'm just now reading this thread, newtus. I didn't read most of the active threads yesterday. Sorry. I feel like crap myself right now. Sometimes I just don't have much to give to others, and I have to focus on myself.

I don't know what your original question was, because you've deleted it.