[newtus]

when i was in the hospital this past month i was in a hospital with severely severely ill people mostly. then there were about less than half a dozen that were ok or ok enough to function the WHOLE time and put themselves in voluntarily etc and the like.

there were different levels in the hospitals: 1 and 2.
2 had the most privileges.
i was involuntary..didnt want to be there..eventually worked my way up to 2.
etc did my thing.

but anyway
there was a group of about 4 people. who i will call the normals. there were 3 that were the only normals because they only had depression as their Dx (i eventually found out and they were all doing ECT for it). as everyone else had it worse...it was just something you could just see. (and some people here know what im saying. being around mentally ill people enough you can just tell).

well this 4th person hung out with the other 3 and it made about a group of four. the 4th person WAS NOT a normal though. but the other 3 didnt know - didnt ask - but probably wondered. i knew this person wasnt a normal. i knew their dx.

well these 4 people hung out exclusively and the 3 told this 4th person to make sure to sit at their cafe lunch room table so the others wouldnt. so they can - and i quote hearing - "have normal conversations". so they told this person sadly. and unfortunately too. they talked about how weird so many of the people were and how they should be kept locked in their rooms etc etc etc ongoing insults. many times laughing at these severely mentally ill people behind their back. some not even THAT severe there but definitely very off.

really was sad and unfortunate.

what surprised me was these 3 people were NOT young - they had families - were in their 40s-50s. educated - you could tell.

this 4th person was trying hard to fake being normal and i could see that they had a LOT of trouble and it was sad because they didnt want to be caught either. but they did it to see and sort of document the stigma.

i know this because this 4th person was ME.

true story.

[likewater]

Newtus, wow, you were undercover. Like a spy. I'm really sorry that you had to hide your dx. I'm sorry people can be so ignorant.
I probably would have told those 3 people bye bye and invited the noisiest most disruptive patient to go sit with them.

[newtus]

when breakfast lunch and dinner came and it was time for lvl 2s to head out for the hospital cafeteria -these 3 people would group together at the front and say stuff like telling me to walk fast close to them so the others wouldnt get caught in between us and have to sit with us.

mind you like i said these people were in their 40s and 50s...

[fishsandwich]

They sound like 4 and 5 year olds in kindergarten.

That sounds awful Newtus You would think that these depressed patients would know better as they would've experienced stigma themselves. I mean I've had my fair share and that's people only knowing just the depression side of things. Shame on them!

*Willow*

[unaluna]

man that is bogus newtus. but maybe part of what they were reacting to in you is your obvious high iq. you all might have that in common? so it maybe wasn't a stigma against MI as much as not wanting to have to accommodate "down". Have you read the short story or seen the movie, "Harrison Bergeron", by Kurt Vonnegut? It addresses this concept. warning, there is violence in the movie.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by newtus

when i was in the hospital this past month i was in a hospital with severely severely ill people mostly. then there were about less than half a dozen that were ok or ok enough to function the WHOLE time and put themselves in voluntarily etc and the like.

there were different levels in the hospitals: 1 and 2.
2 had the most privileges.
i was involuntary..didnt want to be there..eventually worked my way up to 2.
etc did my thing.

but anyway
there was a group of about 4 people. who i will call the normals. there were 3 that were the only normals because they only had depression as their Dx (i eventually found out and they were all doing ECT for it). as everyone else had it worse...it was just something you could just see. (and some people here know what im saying. being around mentally ill people enough you can just tell).

well this 4th person hung out with the other 3 and it made about a group of four. the 4th person WAS NOT a normal though. but the other 3 didnt know - didnt ask - but probably wondered. i knew this person wasnt a normal. i knew their dx.

well these 4 people hung out exclusively and the 3 told this 4th person to make sure to sit at their cafe lunch room table so the others wouldnt. so they can - and i quote hearing - "have normal conversations". so they told this person sadly. and unfortunately too. they talked about how weird so many of the people were and how they should be kept locked in their rooms etc etc etc ongoing insults. many times laughing at these severely mentally ill people behind their back. some not even THAT severe there but definitely very off.

really was sad and unfortunate.

what surprised me was these 3 people were NOT young - they had families - were in their 40s-50s. educated - you could tell.

this 4th person was trying hard to fake being normal and i could see that they had a LOT of trouble and it was sad because they didnt want to be caught either. but they did it to see and sort of document the stigma.

i know this because this 4th person was ME.

true story.

I seen this happen in different psych wards. Usually, it was like Newton described.

[newtus]

(-_-) its newtus but its all cool

[newtus]

Originally Posted by hankster

man that is bogus newtus. but maybe part of what they were reacting to in you is your obvious high iq.

i bet you that was it.
because i wasnt acting/behaving normally.
im not just just saying that. im saying the nurses had to aid me many many times while i was hallucinating. i wonder if those peeple saw that though,

look i dont blame anyone if they said this to me: your mind is not all there. because i get it. I GET IT. ok?! I. GET. IT. thats been said to me. and im NOT buying into psychiatry. im saying I UNDERSTAND.
my ways with words is fairly functional.
im similar to someone who is severe but traded my speech with someone else. thats why ive been through all this stuff hospitalized so so so so so many times and people see me talk on here and say "oh nothings THAT wrong with you how do you have so many hospitalizations and episodes???".
im a trick.
and ill trick the f**k out of you.
NOT purposely or meanly.
you know?

i get bad enough though i will start becoming disorgzised in my speech.

i think i teeter like this daily:

moderate -------><---severe

im where those things are pointing inward.