Roll Call Four

He does like her. He goes back and forth on whether he thinks it helps.

I find it reassuring that other people are dealing with the same stuff I am. And I really find it reassuring that I'm talking to someone who's talked to other people who've been through what I'm going through and can give me some ideas of what to do.

Therapy isn't the magical answer to everything, but it can be helpful.

I do the same sometimes. When I'm not symptomatic it feels like it's a waste of my time but when I am, I'm glad she is there throughout my roller coaster ride because it's at those times her and my pdoc are the only people I seem to be able to trust.

That's pretty much what I told him. You need to have your support in place before the crisis, if possible.

I think it just depends who it is.

I saw a counsellor about 4 times - she said she had helped people with OCD, but she gave me reassurance everytime so it was obviously a lie, it was only until I saw the psychologist anyway - then he said to take a break because I wasn't ready.

Was the best thing that happened - because then I got my awesome psychologist - but it also means no one can be as good as she is.

So with the nurse it's just - it must be hard etc - then she'll say the same thing to the next person.

its really hard to kep up with this thread... you guys are all over the place.... i was gone for a while and when i came back i could never get causght up... so now i feel like im standing on next to a big title wave coming in and i dont know where to run to to find shelter...i know you have all been keeping up but do you think you can starta new rollcall?

maybe im just stupid for this ... what ever

just keep going...

i never fit in anywhere anyway so just ignore it

I don't read everything - but yeah everyone fits in - just sometimes it doesn't feel like it

Just ended a real life friendship - being with them is not cool, was he bothered - No, just another fake friend.

( THansk for this lil-angel wings says to you)

I have a friend or someone i thought was or is a fried who is trying to make meend the friendship so that she will not feel like it is her fault...



you see here is the thing that i figured out about her
she does not want to feel like it it is her fault that things are wrong
she wants to be able to blame everyone eles
so this is her way of thinking that if i no longer her friend then its my fault that the friendship did not work
cause i walked away...

if you know me... you know that i do not walk away... i stay where the abuse is untill it almost kills me... i dont rock the boat and cause it to tip over... i hang on till it is overturned and im drowning...

So the question is will i unolonger be her friend... the answer is no... I am a friend till the end... you can use me and abuse me and kick me and mame me and I am like the faithful dog who will keep coming back because i so desperatly wnat to love and be loved by someone andy one, cause i can not love my self enough to think that i deserve anything more then what I get...

You shouldn't do that - it's like this, what Gerard says - "There are really so many people trying to get control over you on a daily basis and steal your soul in some way, take a part of you..”

They won't have your back when you need it, don't let them use you, you need to love yourself

It was intended as a roll call type thread when mgran started it. It morphed into something else. I like to use it for bringing up things that don't seem important enough for starting a dedicated thread. There's only a handful of us who follow the thread anyway. That fact makes if feel 'safer' somehow to me. The people reading it will be the people who know me and my story already, so they can respond without requiring a lot of explanation and retelling of the back story.

I'm here every day, so I check it every time it's updated. I'd say if you only check in occasionally, don't bother to go back and read the old stuff. There are a number of people who just occasionally pop in and say essentially 'I'm here.'

I think you fit in here, angel.

You have a great deal of wisdom and experience to share. I wish you wouldn't put yourself down.

I'm sorry your friend is abusive, angel. I agree with Kureha. Take care of yourself and set boundaries with the abusers.

Finally had the talk with ex housemate. She seemed to be understanding especially since my housemate had talked to her previously explaining the stressors I'm going through; with decrease in medication and ongoing side effects and my past experience triggers. I know the storm is over but my body doesn't and it's still reacting under stress so I took an anti anxiety med in hopes to alleviate the fight or flight response.

i am checking every time i get a email with new post... but it does not help me as i can not keep up ... thanks anyway

I told her everything so I feel somewhat vulnerable. I'm hoping that " this too shall pass".

My voices are loud today and I cannot handle the things they're saying. I need a hug.

OutofTune, I am sorry that you are having problems right now. Can you call your pdoc?

I could but she just upped my meds and I don't want to annoy her. I'm currently in an out patient program and go to group therapy Monday through Friday. I guess I just have to tough it out until tomorrow.

If you are OK with this, what are the voices saying? Any threat to yourself or others? The good news is that you are in therapy. I guess you can call her tomorrow. It is not annoying her if you are having problems. She needs to know. how long have the voices been going on? Is it getting worse everyday?

The voices are telling me to hurt myself and accusing me of things I didn't do. I hear them all day, everyday. I try not to be bothered by it but today it's gotten to me. My doctor knows about it because I used to call her everyday. She got sick of it, there really isn't anything she can do. That's why I started group therapy.

I don't have new posts emailed to me. Maybe I should.

This too shall pass, cyber.

I'm glad you got that talk out of the way, but I'm sorry it's left you feeling vulnerable.

I could tell my ex housemate was uncomfortable talking about personal stuff I was talking about. I think specifically my mental health issues but she managed to get through it. I only feel vulnerable because I brought her into my private mental health world. Or at least I keep it private on what I say to people although I think I may have an inkling that my actions/reactions may present otherwise. Sometimes it's hard to hide a mental illness when you're symptomatic, but more so when you don't even know you're ill. I just worry what people do with the personal information I give them. Would they use it in someway to hurt me; however that may be? I don't know if this is a genuine perceived threat or just my paranoia playing tricks on me.