[chaosrob]

I can tend to be overconfident in my ability to manage and solve the problems I keep creating for myself. I continue to make things worse, rarely sleep, and keep falling further into a delusional state where I am constantly screamed at by one voice while many other voices consistently talk to me or talk in whispers driving me to despair.

To make matters worse I continue to believe stimulants are not part of the problem despite how quickly everything has deteriorated since I had a break from reality. I was addicted to opiates to such a degree that I convince myself as long as I am not taking those on a regular basis I am better than I once was.

It's been months and I keep telling myself I'll seek help yet every time I begin the process by the end I find an excuse to back out. My path is likely to be self destructive at an increasing rate if I let this get out of control. How can I convince myself to seek help? My paranoia has already ruled out many normal methods of asking others and those I've talked to (while I don't admit how bad it has gotten) never mention it again.

Any advice on how I can get myself to therapy?

Thanks

[faerie_moon_x]

I have this same problem. For me, when I'm bad I seek therapy with all my might, but then I can't ever find a therapist who keeps the hours I need.

Then I start to feel better so I back off. Then it goes bad and I search again. It's a depressing cycle.

But, this time I did get myself on meds. I did it because my GP was aware of my diagnosis and I was able to convince him to send in a script for me of something I had taken before and just kind of stopped taking. He agreed. It's been slow going since then. But I feel like I made a step in the right direction at least.

My advice is don't give up. Keep trying and you'll find a way to do it. I wish I had better advice but I'm stuck in the same loop.

Exactly, don't give up! If you don't follow through again for whatever reason? Don't let that stop you from trying again. It took me quite a few times before I actually sought help!

And between being actively delusional & having an addiction? Both of those disorders have a high rate of withdrawing from treatment plans... Sometimes it seems like the addiction has a mind of it's own & it's saying "I don't want to go". And the delusions DO have a mind of their own! So I can only imagine how hard it must be.

Maybe write these thoughts down & e-mail/mail it to a nearby therapist? Or your GP & s/he can help you get situated with a qualified professional? I know it sucks, but if you keep going, it will only get easier. You can't be expected to deal with this alone.