my future.

i stress out a lot about my future. mostly about society and how they treat me and will treat me in the future. its obvious my mental health would not be treated kindly. but not even thinking about that - just me being who i am wont be treated kindly.

im very sad because 98-99% of my life has been unfair in regards to how people treat me. literally bullied in some form everyday of my life since kindergarten to 12th grade. come home everyday rarely saw my father cause he worked around 12+ hour shifts (yep) - and then was verbally/mentally/emotionally and a few times physically bullied by my mother. yep rarely saw my dad cause he was at work and i was at school - by the time i went to bed he still wasnt home until 2-3am. plus 5 more years in college bullied less but it didnt even stop there. people have made fun of me on the street.

rarely anyone paid attention to me or talked to me. and my dad was mostly not home.
my dad told me the other day that when i was an infant and toddler my mom would rarely do anything for me. she would not hold me or spend time with me in any way. he said maybe when he was not home but never when he WAS home. he said i would cry for long periods and shed do nothing. he said shed give me beer to put me to sleep at that age too not just when i was 9 and up. nothing has ever changed. she rarely does anything now too.

now the damage is done. and keeps on because my mothers bullying doesnt stop. she bullies me about more adult things now. currently taking away my insurance in next few months. has threatened to put me in state hospital for life. has threatened to not pay any sort of any bills and throw debts on me. plus lots other stuff.

i am scared for my future in many ways. financially. job-wise or anything having to do with passing time. socially. socially last. but just everything.

thanks for listening.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

im not trying to be offensive i just wanna say this dream i had..

i had a dream that it was somewhere around 1950. i was protesting something for civil rights near a shopping mall and this white police man got ahold of me by my clothes. he made me and a few other black people of different genders turn around away from him and a few other police. and then he shot me in the back of my head in my neck where my brain stem was. i felt the impact but i didnt die. half my body went numb and then i lost eyesight on the half that did and everything went blurry and weak on the other half. i felt my body go cold and the blood ran down my neck and back. then he shot me again in the head and it went black and then i woke up in bed.

thanks for listening again.
not trying to be offensive its the dream tbat bothers me.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Newtus, your fears are understandable my friend.
I cant imagine what it must be like, having that knowledge about your own mother, it must cut deep...

I'd be scared too, but at this point its wise to deal with the here and now, and maybe formulate a contingency plan for the future?....

Not that I have a plan in mind atm, I'm just always strategizing and formulating contingency plans for myself, its my natural response... control freak much?

whats a contingency plan?

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Adverb: Contingently

In a contingent manner; without foresight

Basically a contingency plan is a plan that prepares you from all angles because you have no idea where the chips may fall.

oh

this makes me sad.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I'm sorry newtus.
I never meant to make you sad...
I'm just naturally a control freak and prepare for everything, even the unknown.

Why does this make you sad?

And I'm a 'wing and a prayer' type.

Don't be sad, newtus.

this makes me sad.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I say that because I've learned to accept that no matter how much control I believe I have, something can always catch me unawares, and even then I try to prepare as best I can....

Sorry that the phrase saddens you

Hi newtus,
the future is scary, especially for people like us. But it will be ok. You will find people who care about you and love you just like we do, and they will help you get throuhg everything.
I hate society, and the way it treats us differently and calls us crazy. In all honesty, i'm pretty sure we're the sane ones, but unfortuantely its not up to us to decide.

I am afraid of my future as well since I have none. I live with my family because its hard to take care of myself and I am disabled. When my parents both die and they are already old I will probably be on the streets with my disabled brother. We are both disabled. No jobs for anyone. I do have ssi payments but that is less than working at a fast food restaurant. And then I would take care of my brother since his company is worthless like mine. My future is as dark as a black hole. Since I have mental illness and an artist I will be poor or homeless. I know there are successful people with mental illness but rare.