back from family visiting ugh

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 10:36 AM

UgH im BACK

2 days of fam visiting.
had to sleep at my moms house.
i cried for my dad a couple of times.
mom and sister asked why i havent called them in a month and ignored their calls n stuff

it was really rough..
was hearing voices on the second day
when my sister first got here was asking if i was seeing stuff.

things started to get stressed for me
and then i kinda flipped
and i choked my mom

faerie_moon_x · Mar 05, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Maybe you should tell them that they trigger you and it's best to stay at a distance. Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself. Toxic relationships are not healthy for anyone involved. So tell them, out of respect for everyone, it may be best not to have visits for a while. Some people don't understand this, but after the abuse from your mom and how it seems your sister doesn't have understanding for your situation, it may be best to take a break from them.

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Maybe you should tell them that they trigger you and it's best to stay at a distance. Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself. Toxic relationships are not healthy for anyone involved. So tell them, out of respect for everyone, it may be best not to have visits for a while. Some people don't understand this, but after the abuse from your mom and how it seems your sister doesn't have understanding for your situation, it may be best to take a break from them.

my mom is toxic. my sister isnt. she just doesnt understand. and im tired of explaining to everyone including my dad what i go through. im just exhausted cause i spent a good amount of past 5-6 years doing that. im tired of talk to docs and therapists. im lucky my dad not only has sympathy but actually kinda gets it.

but yea my mom is toxic. when i first got there she was drunk. i said "are you drunk?" and she said "NO. have you been smoking?" im thinking um ok?.

i dont see my sister often but 3 times a year so shes already at a distance.

my main problem is my mom anyway.

i already had a plan. thats why i didnt call for a month.

faerie_moon_x · Mar 05, 2013 at 12:19 PM

Have you ever tried writing your sister a letter? Like really take your time with it and let her know how you feel, and let her know that even if she doesn't understand you'd rather have comapassion than advice? Just a thought.

costello · Mar 05, 2013 at 12:25 PM

I agree with dark heart. You should avoid them. It does sound like they're triggering you.

Mar 05, 2013 at 12:39 PM

I get the feeling of nausea when family are around. Only my mum I can appreciate. Everyone else does my head in because they sit around talking about happy normal stuff. I hate that. Like they are rubbing it in to my already sad life.

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HavingABadDay

I get the feeling of nausea when family are around.

i DO TOO.
yea nausea and uncomfortableness.
its a akin to the same feeling when im around people that i dont know. and a bit of a outsider feeling.
except my dad. when im around my dad i feel not only like im home but im at peace & protected. -like hes my gaurdian angel.

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Have you ever tried writing your sister a letter? Like really take your time with it and let her know how you feel, and let her know that even if she doesn't understand you'd rather have comapassion than advice? Just a thought.

i did once
but at this point of my life and dealing wif schiz i feel very uncomfortable speaking about my issues.

the only peace i feel is talking about it here. and even then its short-lived and i get paranoid about it. so most of my stuff i keep it inside my head all the time.

Mar 05, 2013 at 01:12 PM

I'm sorry that you time with family was so stressful

I think darkheart is right and you should tell them that you can't cope seeing them and it would be best to stay away. I know that will be hard though. I dumped my old school friends when I got depressed because they were toxic and I knew they couldn't be supportive when I needed that, but I knew they would be too proud to ever contact me to see why I ditched them, and they haven't in 5 years. It seems you can't just do that with them as they want to know why you're ignoring them so you're going to have to tell them. It's difficult with family. Mine is slightly dysfunctional but tries to support me. My mum especially tries really hard to understand the psychotic stuff, and it annoys me sometimes when it's clear that she still doesn't have a clue all these years later, but I can see that she tries which sort of makes up for it. It is frustrating thought when you have to keep explaining yourself

*Willow*

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by costello

I agree with dark heart. You should avoid them. It does sound like they're triggering you.

i wasnt in a place to visit anyone. but fam came down out of the blue.
im actually in a really bad place right now.

Mar 05, 2013 at 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i did once
but at this point of my life and dealing wif schiz i feel very uncomfortable speaking about my issues

I can understand that. I don't like talking about mental stuff either

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i wasnt in a place to visit anyone. but fam came down out of the blue.
im actually in a really bad place right now.

I'm sorry that things are bad newtus

*Willow*

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 01:18 PM

i appreciate everyones response
i really do

i try to stay as far as im able to
but at the same time i have to walk a fine line

i 100% not only have no friends but no no one outside my family.
i dont have any psych support besides a psychiatrist i see every few months now.

i cant entirely cut off cause if i did and something happens to my dad id be so far in sh_t cause i have absolutely no support.
so i feel very stuck.
i feel the best answer is just to distance myself but not cut it off.

faerie_moon_x · Mar 05, 2013 at 03:20 PM

Well, you need to let them know that surprise visits are a big no-no. They need to discuss this with you or at least your dad who can then run it by you. If you're not up to discussing with them, maybe ask your dad to do it for you. Let him be the guard at the gate. Tell him that you're not good for visiting now and to run things by you first. I bet he will do it. Dad's can be very protective especially if they know what and how is best to go about that.

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Well, you need to let them know that surprise visits are a big no-no. They need to discuss this with you or at least your dad who can then run it by you. If you're not up to discussing with them, maybe ask your dad to do it for you. Let him be the guard at the gate. Tell him that you're not good for visiting now and to run things by you first. I bet he will do it. Dad's can be very protective especially if they know what and how is best to go about that.

thanks ill do that. i discussed surprised visits wif my dad - i think he understood. idk

newtus · Mar 05, 2013 at 11:31 PM

oh yea
i didnt say this here but
my sister found i threw out all my clothes
and she asked me if i was thinking about killing myself
because she said usually when people give their stuff away how i did it means that.

i said no
but i didnt think about that

i literally gave away all my clothes. or trashed them.
i had 50 pairs of shoes and only kept 3
i only have 3 shirts
threw away most of my undergarments. i only have 5 pairs underwear
etc and so on.
and i still am doing it.

but thats not why. not cause suicide.

i did it and still do it because i feel like i have to prepare for homelessness constantly.
i have to be able to carry everything i have at a moments notice or be able to live with little to nothing. i have a feeling im gonna be homeless really soon anyway. plus if my dad died tomorrow what do i do? i cant have all this stuff on the street or carry all this stuff from one place to another. even if i did kill myself all this stuff would be useless..i dont want to burden my dad with piles of materials. im trying to leave secret codes and clues everywhere in town and in my room so people will know me by my mind and judge me by that - not my clothes or how many electronics i have etc.

been thinking of giving away much of my electronics too.

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faerie_moon_x Elder Member Since Nov 2011 Location: I live in my head. :P Posts: 6,358 13 3,670 hugs given	Mar 05, 2013 at 12:19 PM #4 Have you ever tried writing your sister a letter? Like really take your time with it and let her know how you feel, and let her know that even if she doesn't understand you'd rather have comapassion than advice? Just a thought. __________________
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costello Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2010 Location: ??? Posts: 7,864 13 5,031 hugs given	Mar 05, 2013 at 12:25 PM #5 I agree with dark heart. You should avoid them. It does sound like they're triggering you. __________________ "Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
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Anonymous32733 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 05, 2013 at 12:39 PM #6 I get the feeling of nausea when family are around. Only my mum I can appreciate. Everyone else does my head in because they sit around talking about happy normal stuff. I hate that. Like they are rubbing it in to my already sad life.
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