[jesusplay]

My pdoc asked me if I'm paranoid, I said no.

I started actually thinking about it today.

I think irrational things, then I fixate on them, I believe it's real and doubt it at the same time?

examples:

I randomly think the most horrible crude thinks about people who are helping me or some public area near me. I feel like they an read my mind, I have to stop thinking these bad things before they find out! I try to think about white noise, I hear white noise. I overload my head with thoughts, I have bad short term memory, and it's gone. I know people can't read my mind though?

examples#2:

I'm in my room, I constantly feel like there is a person on the other side of my closed door with a gun, an assassin with a gun that's silenced. I'm constantly looking at my door every time the thought comes back. I feel like the assassin is waiting for me to fall a sleep, I must stay awake or I'll die. This doesn't make any sense.

example#3: When I'm home alone, I think ghost are in my house. My safe area is my room. no ghost can get in here. I have to constantly tell myself that ghost aren't real if I need to go to the kitchen. I talk out loud to distract myself from the thoughts. I will pee into empty water bottles to avoid leaving my room.

example#4: everyone is out to get me. Everyone hates me and I know. People are always talking negative about me when I'm not there, I'm sure of it, even though i have no proof.

I don't feel comfortable admitting any of this, does any of this sound like psychosis?

[Atypical_Disaster]

It could be psychosis, but I'm not a professional. It sounds like you're really struggling, would it be possible to tell your pdoc about any of this? It sounds like you could benefit from some outside help.