[mimi2112]

I'm proud of myself for going to orientation today. I had to kinda make myself go, but it actually wasn't hard. I actually felt calm about it. I did a lot of self- talk like, "what have I got to lose".

I'm surprised that I didn't have anxiety about going. The only negative was when they asked specifically if I have a "physical" or "mental " disability. They asked it in front of others for one, and two, I thought they were not supposed to ask about specific disability. I felt singled out. How is mental disability different than physical? It's still a disability.

I don't want to dwell on that negative. I just wanted to share that I went and signed up to maybe get help with going back to work. I haven't worked in a while and I need something that is not going to put me over the edge, mentally. I want to start slowly integrating into work. I need income. I don't qualify for any social support. I want to feel a sense of worth and accomplishment.

[newtus]

what is voc rehab

[mimi2112]

Well, Vocational Rehab is a federal program that helps people with disabilities get into the workforce. They help retrain, educate, etc, depending on the persons needs. They can act as an advocate for you in job placement, such as contacting an employer on your behalf to help with getting you hired.

Since I haven't worked because of mental illness lately, I think this program will help me bypass all the b.s. typically asked by an employer about why I have gaps in my work history, etc. If they know there is a disability involved in the first place, then a potential employer won't question my work history so much.( i hope) The emloyer may make accomodations for me if I need a break or need a Dr. appt or whatever. It takes the worry out of not getting hired or getting fired.

[newtus]

is that for disability like...supplemental...ssi or ssdi or somethigg

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm so proud of you, Mary! That's awesome!

[mimi2112]

Originally Posted by newtus

is that for disability like...supplemental...ssi or ssdi or somethigg

Newtus: Voc Rehab is for anyone with a disability. It really doesn't matter if a person has ssi or ssdi. I don't have ssi or ssdi. If a person does have ssi or ssdi, they are eligible to get help through vocational rehab, if they do want to go back to work and or get education/training.

[mimi2112]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I'm so proud of you, Mary! That's awesome!

Thanks Dark Heart

I know that you have a job and you have some challenges that you have talked about here. I wonder how you do it. I am pretty scared, not about finding a job, but keeping it.

I would like to hear more from people on this forum about their work successes. How did you go about getting and keeping a job and what have you done when things get bad for you mentally?

[newtus]

ohh ok thank you i didnt know

Wow! That sounds like an incredibly brave thing to do Mary! Well done!

I understand your anxiety Mary. I've not had a proper job, indeed worked at all since some holiday jobs in retail before my issues started. I worry about disclosing there's a problem, and being able to manage the day-to-day aspects of a full-time job. I started my MSc full-time and had to drop to part time after only 2 months.

What type of work are you looking for?

*Willow*

[mimi2112]

Thanks Willow
(what is MSc?)
I compare going to work and going to University as the same becuase it's a major commitment that requires stability and stamina and determination. Going to school would be just as difficult for me as going to work. Sometimes my anxiety has kept me from showing up at all. I once sat in the college parking lot before class and absolutely was terrified. I have no idea why. Needless to say, I didn't finish college.

I don't know that I will ever work full time again, and that's ok. I just want to feel productive and it's not all about status or money either.

I'm not sure what kind of job I will go after....probably something that doesn't involve customer service or fast-paced pressure. I want something that really isn't too challenging to start...Working as a maid in a hotel/motel would be fine... I have done housekeeping work before and it was quite simple and self explanatory....Also, somehow the physical activity helps keep me sane... if I sit at a desk or am sedentary I get sleepy and dumb. So yeah, maybe housekeeping will be what I go for.

Thanks for replying. I admire you for being able to attend classes and do your assignments. It is inspiring.

[Sometimes psychotic]

So this is probably not helpful but I manged to keep the same job I had before. I do basic science research so my hours are flexible----if I'm not sleeping right I can go in a little later but stay a full 8 hours. My boss has known me for years and told me to do whatever I needed as far as Dr appointments etc. she just wants me to be well. I'm just extremely lucky to have a job like this. If I'm seeing or smelling of hearing something thats not there I just check with a friend/coworker to see if its real. Sometimes we have real fire/chemical issues. Considering that I was brought into the hospital by my coworkers they all already knew and accepted my illness.

I make sure that someone in addition to my Dr. knows if I've started hallucinating again but I don't always share this with the boss---they are sort of a back up in case I have a full break where I have no idea what's going on. All in all I've recovered but I still keep certain things that helped me around. I had a lot of trouble focusing without some form of entertainment so I keep either streaming music or the radio on all the time. Sometimes when reading I would also keep a piece of silly putty in one hand to squish. I also had to keep neat toys around like a triple mirrored box that is filled with mulling spices. It has 3 layers of tins that stack on inside the other coated with mirrors and seed beads. I actually brought in some art supplies too, drawing helped me with a particular delusion that my left and right brain were separate. It was initially very hard to stay at work while I was actively hallucinating----I had no trouble doing that when I was unaware I was hallucinating but after I started fighting it and going on meds it was just so much effort to concentrate so at first I only went in a few hours at a time. Luckily my voices like my work too so they were helping me understand what I was reading. They were actually brilliant---I had like 6 other scientists in my head helping me out while I was working on the grant---certain pictures would just catch their attention and they would tell me the secret was in that image so I just focused on it and sure enough we wrote the whole grant based on 2 or 3 of these really eye-catching images. What's funny is in my normal state the grant seems really above my skill level I have trouble reading it now-----we were actually in the top 2% of grants and the top in our study section, it was incredible. I'm honestly not sure I could do it again without the voices.

Originally Posted by mary123

(what is MSc?)

MSc means a Masters degree in Science, as opposed to MA which is in the arts. Psychology could be either but is trying to align itself with science so it'll be taken more seriously. My course is a conversion course; because I already have a degree in another subject, I can do a 1 year FT (or in my case 2 year PT) course that will allow me to work in psychology, the same as a psychology undergrad degree would, thereby saving me an additional 4 years of PT study.

Originally Posted by mary123

I compare going to work and going to University as the same becuase it's a major commitment that requires stability and stamina and determination. Going to school would be just as difficult for me as going to work. Sometimes my anxiety has kept me from showing up at all. I once sat in the college parking lot before class and absolutely was terrified. I have no idea why. Needless to say, I didn't finish college.

I completely agree. Luckily my Uni is quite understanding and some of my deadlines have been quite flexible as long as I put the correct forms and doctors letters in. That's why I'm still working on coursework, because technically I should've finished for the summer. When I was doing medicine, I would get so anxious that many times I drove to the hospital and sat outside, unable to get up the courage to go in. This is easier because it's lectures only so we aren't put on the spot to answer questions if we don't feel up to it. As long as I can sit in the back row so no one is behind me, I feel reasonably ok in class thankfully.

Originally Posted by mary123

I don't know that I will ever work full time again, and that's ok. I just want to feel productive and it's not all about status or money either.

Yeah I'm starting to think that FT work/study might be beyond me, unless I recover completely, but I think that would be ok. It's what you say about being productive, but life isn't all about work; it's nice to have time to do other things too that are enjoyable and important for mental health.

Originally Posted by mary123

Thanks for replying. I admire you for being able to attend classes and do your assignments. It is inspiring.

Thank you! I think you are braver though because work seems scarier to me than studying. Studying is familiar, while work is grown-ups-ville to me. I'm very worried about what I will do when I finish my course, but am trying not to fret about it over a year early like I am want to do!

Wishing you all the best with this venture, and I hope that you will keep us posted

*Willow*

[Gr3tta]

Good for you! That's so exciting! I couldn't make it through school, but I have always worked. I am very happy for you! I hope this will be a great addition to your life.

[mimi2112]

after my experience with the Voc Rehab people yesterday, i am not sure if it will work. i was asked many intrusive personal questions, and they were entirely out of context to my being there..like i said they just need to know i am mentally disabled-for lack of a better term, they send for medical records and so on.

i was inapropriately asked about meds and my Dx. i wish i had not been honest...then i got a speech about the importance of meds....blah blah blah....... heard it before, i was not born yesterday. i feel like people have become overzealous in the wake of national news and "mental illness". people like the workers at Voc. Rehab who have had a 4 hour "educational" workshop on mental illness for their government job seem to think they are authorities on psychiatry. so if they work in any capacity for government....like voc. rehab. they think they are required to "educate" others on mental illness.

the fact is i know more than they about my illness and they have no clue. i'm there for work, not to be counseled about how i should take meds...i get enough of that from the clinic where i get my mental health care.

so yeah i felt demoralized and dehumanized. degraded for my choices about not taking meds. so they think if i take a cocktail of meds i will be able to work? bullcrap. blurred vision, dizziness, lack of concentration, somnolence, memory and cognitive impairment from meds are what has kept me from working up until this point!

humiliated is what i felt. i am not a monster, but was treated like one because i was honest about my treatment choices. they treated me like a monster that needed to be chemically restrained.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by mary123

after my experience with the Voc Rehab people yesterday, i am not sure if it will work. i was asked many intrusive personal questions, and they were entirely out of context to my being there..like i said they just need to know i am mentally disabled-for lack of a better term, they send for medical records and so on.

i was inapropriately asked about meds and my Dx. i wish i had not been honest...then i got a speech about the importance of meds....blah blah blah....... heard it before, i was not born yesterday. i feel like people have become overzealous in the wake of national news and "mental illness". people like the workers at Voc. Rehab who have had a 4 hour "educational" workshop on mental illness for their government job seem to think they are authorities on psychiatry. so if they work in any capacity for government....like voc. rehab. they think they are required to "educate" others on mental illness.

the fact is i know more than they about my illness and they have no clue. i'm there for work, not to be counseled about how i should take meds...i get enough of that from the clinic where i get my mental health care.

so yeah i felt demoralized and dehumanized. degraded for my choices about not taking meds. so they think if i take a cocktail of meds i will be able to work? bullcrap. blurred vision, dizziness, lack of concentration, somnolence, memory and cognitive impairment from meds are what has kept me from working up until this point!

humiliated is what i felt. i am not a monster, but was treated like one because i was honest about my treatment choices. they treated me like a monster that needed to be chemically restrained.

That sucks I was hoping this would be a positive experience for you...

[newtus]

me too on positive.

sorry to hear. why did they need to know if it was mental or physical disabity and why need your dx?

[redbandit]

Good job Mary. I'm also going through vocational rehab. I havent found a job yet, for me its seeming like a long process. Not many places hiring in my field. Good luck, and keep us posted!

[mimi2112]

Originally Posted by newtus

me too on positive.

sorry to hear. why did they need to know if it was mental or physical disabity and why need your dx?

they need medical records to establish whether there is a disability. that's ok to send for records and get the dx., but it's the way i was asked personally by a non- clinician about details. they really didn't need to be so intrusive about it. all they need is a medical record and not to get into their opinions about it.

[newtus]

hm so sorry to hear mary

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by mary123

after my experience with the Voc Rehab people yesterday, i am not sure if it will work. i was asked many intrusive personal questions, and they were entirely out of context to my being there..like i said they just need to know i am mentally disabled-for lack of a better term, they send for medical records and so on.

I am not surprised the interview felt like a psychiatric assessment. This happened to me too, when I needed some employment support. It was quite violating and disturbing. The next day, I called the interviewer and asked him to cancel my file.

A letter from your doctor stating you diagnosis and the impact it has on your life should be sufficient. There is no need for them to see your medical records.

Did you get referred to vocational rehab or did you go on your own initiative? Sometimes, it helps to have a referral from your doctor.

If vocational rehab doesn't work out, do you have other employment assistance options?

[mimi2112]

I went to voc. rehab on my own. i have had help with my resume and am signed up with the state job service listings.

i'm hoping i will get over the negative feelings about my experience with voc. rehb. it takes about 60 days for approval so that is quite awhile to get over my irritation about them being intrusive.
Sorry that you too had a bad experience there, LD.
Do you work?

[The_little_didgee]

I hope you can get this sorted out. It is very frustrating, when people (especially professionals) treat you like a disorder, rather than a human being.

Originally Posted by mary123

Do you work?

I am a full-time university student. My course load is reduced due to my disability. Four or five classes per semester is too much.

[redbandit]

Mimi, you asked if I would post about my exp with voc rehab on here. Like you said, it takes a long time to get approved. Two months, plus then at least in my case, you have to decide who you want helping you, and wait some more. Guess I'm not a very patient person. But I really really thought I'd have a job by now. I can't remember if I applied for assistance in February or March. Its just a long time to go withoout a job. And I have only met with her once in person. She sends me a bunch of links to apply for jobs, but what I'm really needing is probably interview skills. I don't have a whole lot of trouble finding employers who are interested, but after the interview, idk.
Very frustrated. I will probably try and find someone else to meet with soon, if she is not more helpful.

[mimi2112]

Thank you Red. I am beginning to think that some resources, like Vocational Rehab. are tapped. Like I said before, I know I can get a job, but I feel like keeping the job is hardest, if I have bad symptoms come up. I was let go from my last job, for being too slow and making mistakes. If I'd had some sort of "arrangement" with an the employer about my handicaps, perhaps I wouldn't have been let go.
I fear keeping a job when I may have symptoms crop up in the future, when I may need medications that affect my performance, etc.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by mimi2112

Thank you Red. I am beginning to think that some resources, like Vocational Rehab. are tapped. Like I said before, I know I can get a job, but I feel like keeping the job is hardest, if I have bad symptoms come up. I was let go from my last job, for being too slow and making mistakes. If I'd had some sort of "arrangement" with an the employer about my handicaps, perhaps I wouldn't have been let go.
I fear keeping a job when I may have symptoms crop up in the future, when I may need medications that affect my performance, etc.

These are the reasons I disclosed at my job. Instead of getting the help I thought I would, I got a swift slap in the face, told I could never be moved or promoted (verbally, of course, so my work against theirs,) and then continuous write ups and bad reviews ever after due to my mistakes. When I would bring up I was having trouble with my bipolar, I was told I had to leave it at the door and everyone has bad days....

So yeah, the systems fail us all the time. I hope you find something suitable.