[Tom_X]

I've been reading some of these forums threads for a while, and I've found some people struggling with the same problems I've been dealing with for the last couple of years.
Most of us "change" after psychotic breakdowns.
My main concern with what I've "become" now, though, comes form the comparison with an ideal, most of the time overrated, former self. It doesn't exist. It is a ghost. If it was so great, why did it lead to a breakdown?
There's an old saying in my country that roughly translates as "All past time was better". Probably that's just because of the certainty that it will never come back.
We must walk on.
I won't go back in time, no matter how hard or desperately I try. My former self is just a ghost now, and any comparison with a ghost is futile, for it will only project unattainable desires.
I do accept that life was "different" before my first breakdown, but when my dragon wakes up and starts burning my desire to live, I always stop for a while and question myself: was it all that great before? Can't I learn to cope with what I have? Can't I rebuild my life and give this moment a chance?
As a member of this community put it recently: It was ever thus, you're just aware of it now, you were oblivious before.
Ignorance may be bliss, but awareness is power.
We must walk on.

[newtus]

oblivious about knowing the apocalyptic time frame? maybe

open now